Hard getting used to my mom being mean!

Nanpr

1. ve had a few days of my mom saying hurtful things. I know it’s not her talking, but it’s just so out of character and I can’t get used to it. I mostly bite my tongue. She seems to forget about what she says and goes on as if nothing has happened. I have a difficult time letting it go. Does it get easier? Cause I don’t know how how long I can have her living with me if I can’t learn to let the hurtful things go. It’s also starting to affect my young adult children (age 22 and 23). 
   You have all been going through this much longer than me. I commend you all for how you’ve been able to cope with this disease and provide the care your LO needs.

   A moment agoEditReport

   + QuoteReply

Mtravel

I am so sad you're going thru this with your mother. Yes its hard to deal with your mother being mean at times. Sometimes they are in pain, does she have a lot of pain? That could be a symptom with out her communicating directly. Never take it personally. Perhaps she needs more activities that will allow her to work through some of her frustrations. Puzzles, etc. that helped our mother. I also would ask her directly why she is mean or irritated? Often, they will tell you and if its something simple you can fix it. I hope this helps a little, hang in there.

Nanpr

Thanks so much for your response Mtravel. My mom has yet to be diagnosed, but it’s these personality and behaviour changes that have triggered us to believe it is dementia. Probably stage 3. Maybe stage 4 with respect to finances. I usually try to ignore her remarks or deflect because I find if I ask her she gets her back up and gets agitated. Usually if I ignore her she calms down and then seems to forget about it. Whereas I hang onto it all! I have to learn to not take it personally. I guess with time, I will get used to it. Just in time for things to change again and having to get used to something else, The nature of this disease. Thanks again for your response.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I've seen others mention that they give something to occupy the mouth, like treats, so their LO doesn't have a chance to speak, or chewing gum. My mom sometimes says mean things to my younger sister and I but they're usually so outlandish that we have to hide our laughter and just give her space for a while to calm down and then check to make sure nothing is bothering her.

Dianna4

I've noticed my mom having mood changes, being very argumentative, sarcastic and saying hurtful things to me and her neighbors at times. She turns into a mean person at 7pm, is spelling words incorrectly and using the wrong words to name certain things. She is also fabricating stories and leaving certain important  items outside of her house. She's lucky someone did not take them. She is also doing a lot of talking at times and not giving others a chance to speak. She also makes a lot of noise in the house, playing both the tv and radio very loudly at the same time. She gets mad at me for being too quiet. She has NO idea that she is disturbing MY peace. She has not been diagnosed with dementia of any kind..She is pretty independent and taking care of herself. However, I know that her behavior has changed in the past year and I can see that since I've come to live with her. I just wish I could speak with her doctor.

Fairyland

Sundowning is when a PWD gets worse at certain times of day, often evening.

You CAN speak with her doctor, but unless she gives permission he can’t speak to you. A letter is often better to clue them in out of earshot. They could call her in for a wellwoman check, and you an say it’s a requirement of insurance. 

However the PCP is often not that great at diagnosing dementia. People often seem to get nowhere much, having bent over backwards to get the PWD to the doctor,  especially at the early stages. But at least it could rule out some treatable causes like vitamin deficiency.