Whispering(1)

Arrowhead

For the most part, my wife is relatively easy to care for, but she has developed a few annoying habits. The one that is driving me insane is that, whenever she talks to me, she whispers so softly that I can hardly understand a word she says. She talks loud enough around other people, but always whispers to me. Telling her to speak louder doesn’t do any good, of course. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I kinda have, at least witnessed it. My mom (pwd) sometimes will talk quieter to my dad and he's hard of hearing. Both get frustrated that he can't understand her and most of the time she doesn't remember what she said, or has trouble repeating some words so it's hard for her to repeat. Sometimes if I'm nearby, I can catch what she says to him. Usually she's not quiet so I'm not sure why she is with him.

I'm still mad my dad's doctor laughed him out of the office all those years ago when he went in saying "my wife says that I can't hear" and never went back because of it.

harshedbuzz

Arrowhead-

A couple thoughts come to mind.

1. My dad's voice became less robust-- softer and breathy-- as his dementia impacted him physically more in stage 6. This was around the time we noticed weight loss despite eating calorie dense food. 

2. The above combined with showtiming. My dad's voice could return to normal when at a doctor's appointment or if his brother visited. 

3. How's her hearing? I find my mom goes "low talker" when she can't hear. FTR, mom does not have dementia. She has hearing aids but often elects not to wear them for various legitimate and wack-a-doodle reasons- like getting her hair styled, seeing her dermatologist or going to the pool where she stands around in water up to her waist. 

HB

SusanB-dil

Hi Arrowhead - Hearing issues here, too...  

MIL has been diagnosed with some hearing loss, but the anosognosia even impacts that.  Yes, she will speak very quietly at times, although not quite a whisper like your DW, and then sure enough, can't remember what she just said if we ask.  She will crank the TV to the point it hurts us and we either turn it down or say something, and she INFORMS us that she wants to make sure WE can hear it. Yet, at the dinner table, she seems to hear fairly well with a normal tone of voice.  Other times, it seems she does not hear us, so we speak up and we are told 'Well, You don't have to yell'.  uughh!     Sometimes I think the times she does not hear us, her mind is distracted elsewhere, somewhere in her own world.

Rescue mom

Huh. That does sound different, that she only whispers with you. I have not heard this one before.  I can only think something related to what HB said…how their behavior *can* be different around other people. Like showtiming with the docs. 

Or maybe it’s how she gets more of your attention (?) Whether it’s good or bad, no matter, just attention.

When my DH acts different around different people, it can be  kind of aggravating, to me, because it indicates some awareness of his actions. He behaves much better when the kids are around, for example, than he does with just me.

 If he can be good then, why not other times? It makes me think he has more abilities than I generally imagine. Then he’ll do the crazy stuff again. And again. I guess it doesn’t much matter, since we always have to watch for those crazed times anyway.

But that doesn’t help you…all I can offer is sympathy.

mommyandme (m&m)

I find not understanding my LO one of the most difficult challenges with this hateful disease.  She doesn’t whisper but just makes no sense.  I feel I’m not able to help adequately because of it.  So, my point is, whatever the reason for the lack of comprehension, it’s just very hard and I’m so sorry.

May flowers

I totally relate, my FIL doesn’t whisper but mumbles and it is non sensical too. Usually DH and I just try to play along, but if we say “Uh-huh” or whatever, then clear as day he will say, “What are you going to do about it?” If I say “I don’t know” he will holler something like “well, you should know!” If we ask him to repeat it, then silence. We can’t win!

Paris20

Seinfeld fans may remember an episode where a woman spoke so softly that Jerry unknowingly agreed to wear a ridiculous shirt to the Tonight Show because he couldn’t hear the woman. She was called “a low talker.” My husband was always a low talker (his mother was too) but as his AD worsened, and after a recent stroke, my husband’s voice is inaudible. My kids and grandkids cannot hear Papa on the phone or when we try to do FaceTime. When I sit next to him I cannot hear what he is saying. If I ask him to speak more loudly, he raises the volume but only for a few seconds. He soon forgets being told nobody can hear him. I just accept it now. He cannot judge sounds, in general. Every sound startles him. I know that can be a symptom of the disease.

ImMaggieMae

My DH whispers a lot of the time, to people he knows. To doctors he speaks in a regular voice. I do have trouble hearing and will sometimes just tell him he has to speak in a normal voice if he wants me to respond. Sometimes he does, or sometimes he just whispers louder. This started a couple months ago.