virtual phone call

PlentyQuiet

I realized this morning that I need to develop a support network for times like this. In the past week my DH has had no idea: when my birthday was, when the last few times we traveled was, what my phone number was.  He was having breakfast with friends this morning and called me (on my cell phone) to ask what my phone number was so he could give it to his friend. He knows his brain is glitching and is okay with asking for help/

I got off the phone with him and had an urge to call someone to tell them, but I don't really have anyone I could call just to share the information with. I'm not saddened, confused or hurt by these lapses, I know what we are in for with this disease. I just wanted to share, to make it real beyond just knowing it myself. I don't need comfort, nor do I want a long conversation. 

My young adult children (college) and DH's family would take such a call, but it would also only add to their worry. I need someone who doesn't directly care about DH. 

So, this is now my virtual call to a friend. And a nudge for me to get a better support system and find at least one person who can handle a 5 minute phone call when these things happen. 

Sligo177

Hi Plentyquiet,

I'm wondering if any of his friends are aware of his cognitive status.  It might have seemed unusual to them, or maybe not, that he didn't know his phone number.  Also wondering if maybe your adult children might benefit from knowing little details of what's happening in his every day life.  That may not be the proper option for you, everyone's family life is different.  But eventually, they will be aware of all of it.  In any case - we are here and we care, and we know how hard these things can hit you.  Another idea - and I am personally bad at reaching out for help - would you consider making an appointment with a therapist of some kind, just to air out your worries and reflections?  You really need an ear.  Bless you, and take care of you.

Kenzie56

PQ, I, too, would love to have a friend I could call that understands what dementia caregivers go through on a 24/7 basis. I have yet to find one. I found this the best place to go - everyone understands, doesn't judge and knows what to say.  I learn new things all the time. Even if I don't post often, by reading posts, I feel we are all in the same boat and it is comforting to know I am not alone in this crazy life as a caregiver. My group of friends dwindled over the last 4 years.  I used to have a walking buddy and cherished 1 hour of normal conversation per day - but when I could no longer leave the house to walk, I never hear back from her. I think my friends have grown tired of "my world". Some say "Why would he do that?", "Why did he say that?", or "Is he feeling better?" and then change the subject to happier events in their lives. No one understands and I feel that even though I can talk to them, I'm still lonely. When I do get a chance to talk to a friend or two about something that has happened, I just picture my German shepherds cocking their heads from side to side. I makes me mentally chuckle and not get upset at their non-empathetic responses.

Mint

I would like one too.

Buggsroo

My mother is my sounding board as well as a very close friend who lost her daughter to suicide. They both get it because my friend is experiencing terrible loss and my mother had to put my dad in a long term care home. It isn’t easy and I can imagine how you must be feeling. I have taken up knitting this insanely difficult Aran pattern, I talk to my knitting and for some reason it zens me out. I find I phone my mom a lot, but she has health issues of her own. I think I could use counselling but haven’t gone that route yet.

A dog or a cat sound like a good companion. Good luck with it going forward. 

PlentyQuiet

 Sligo - I've always been on team Tell Everyone, so his friends all know. They are his buddies from his 60 + baseball team and are wonderful. My kids are fully aware, and I do keep them updated, but they are also in the process of losing their dad. I'm trying to be there for their grief more than I lean on them - hence the need for someone to call. I have an in person support group I go to and I'm working on making a connection there. I'm slow to warm up to people. My therapist is lovely, but not someone I can call on a Saturday morning of a holiday weekend

Kenzie - Yeah, friends either don't quite get it or they feel the need to try and make it better. They can't make it better so they stay superficial. I'm sorry you lost your walking buddy.

Sayra - if I crack the code on how to find the right person I'll let you know