Dementia elderly sits on the toilet for very long time.

Bj57

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum. My 97 yeas old dad suffers from dementia and the condition is deteriorating. He frequently needs to use the toilet and sits there for hours  not willing to get up. We are running out of ideas.  Please give us some suggestions on how to deal with this kind of situation. 

Thank you advanced for your answers. 

Bernard Jen

Stuck in the middle

Welcome to the group, BJ.

I haven't had this problem so I don't know how much help I can be.   However, a toilet is a pretty comfy place to sit.  If it were my father, and I had a second bathroom, I think I would buy him a Reader's Digest and let him sit there as long as he wants.  

Is this causing an actual problem?  I think I would rather he sit on a toilet and use it frequently than do the same in a recliner.

ladyzetta

BJ.

I agree with Stuck.   If he is comfy that is a good place for him to sit for a few hours. If he is comfy like Stuck said get him a good book turn the music on and get him a cup of coffee. You will be glad he is there when he needs to be. You sweet Dad is 97 years old, where else would he want to be. Just relax and keep him happy. Hugs Zetta 

May flowers

My FIL will sit on the toilet a really long time. I know that when we say “are you finished”, he will say no, but we realized that he thinks being finished means being wiped and he cannot wipe. When we ask him if he is ready for me to clean him up he says yes. Go figure. I know we can’t go anywhere when he’s sitting there because he will turn sideways and fall off.

Stuck in the middle

Saw a graffito in a men's room that said "Remember, no job is finished until the paperwork is done."  Guess your FIL saw the same sign.

ButterflyWings

Hi Bj- Chiming in due to a very serious (life-threatening) toileting situation I posted about recently. DH passed out on the toilet and it is not all that uncommon. Had I not been there, I’m not sure he would be alive today, or if so he surely would have fallen and injured himself. 

The humor in this thread is really hilarious  but this elder’s situation is actually dangerous according to our hospice nurses and his prior palliative care doc. He could fall, faint, lose circulation in his legs from sitting too long, etc. Mayflowers is right. 

My DH has been taking WAY too long to do his business, for more than a year. Sometimes he forgets why he is there, falls asleep, uses it then stands up to wipe and once cleaned (with my help) he has even sat down again as if he just got there - often it is a senseless uncomfortable, unsanitary resting place unless I intervene and redirect him to bed or his chair.

I usually have to tell him he’s done (an hour to pee at 2 a.m. or anytime really is not reasonable), and I was always present...so could hear that he was done. We use the bedside commode frame (no bucket) positioned over the regular toilet for stability (hospice tip). DH can sit to poop, but can’t easily get up without it. I often have to give him a gentle boost by tipping the chair forward just a bit to help him lean forward & start to get up. Announcing “OK, all done, stand on your feet, good job”, etc. *Be careful not to pinch his front parts if you do this. 

Sounds like your LO is like mine... confused and needs help. He’s not just “chilling” on the throne for fun. Confused, maybe not always feeling the sensation of being finished, or even sure of the need to “go”, but it is a habit he is trying somewhat to keep functioning as we do pre-dementia. But that’s not reality anymore and he needs help. May even be constipated and have pressure or pain but not knowing how to communicate that, he’s sitting hoping something will happen. If he starts pushing and straining you could end up with a 911 emergency on your hands. It happened to us. Monitoring is very important for our PWD elders especially.

Here is what happened to my DH last week. Bathroom visits need to be supervised at a certain point and red flags paid close attention to so you can address them. You are doing the right thing to question this behavior and seek a solution. Just letting him deal with it (or not) is not compassionate or wise. Good luck to you. https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147561468

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I second BW, do check to make sure he's not having bowel issues if he is sitting there because he has to go and not that he is "stuck" there. If his bowel movements have been abnormal, like nothing for a while and then diarrhea, he might be severely constipated and fecal impaction is a dangerous thing that can happen because of that.

My mom back in March was constantly running to sit on the toilet but then staying there for minutes on end and nothing happened. Then the "diarrhea" started a week later which clued me in to it being constipation since the watery stool could get around the harder stuff. We got various things to help with passing the hard stool and after about two weeks of being fecal incontinent, mom's bowel movement went back to normal. We also upped her fiber and fluid intake to make sure her bowels stays regular (in shape, not at a timely manner).

Hopefully your dad is well and just needs some kind and caring redirecting to get off the toilet! Best wishes to you and hope things get worked out for you both