Jo - about our son -WAY OFF TOPIC

Ed1937

As you probably remember, he is mildly mentally handicapped, and is bi-polar. He is taking his mother's death exceptionally hard. He has been delusional again, thinking everyone is out to get him. I am the only one in our large family that he doesn't think is working with the police to have him put in prison. People are looking for him to beat him up. He is afraid he will lose his disability benefits, and he is suicidal. Yesterday morning around 4:30 he told me he was leaving. He sleeps 2 or 3 hours a night, and ambien doesn't help. He has nowhere to go, and I knew he was suicidal. But he put his clothes in a clothes basket, and started walking down the street (he has no car), carrying them. So I called 911. Three police cars showed up, and found him a few blocks from home. He refused to go to the hospital, and he told them he had rights. They asked him if he was suicidal. He told them he didn't know how to answer that because he didn't want to live, but he did want to live. After a lot of input from me, they finally told him he had a choice. He could either get in the ambulance by himself or they would force him. He got in by himself. So he is in the hospital now, and will probably be held for 72 hours. I am not allowed to visit him until 6 PM tomorrow. No telling what will happen when he gets out.

Mint

Ed I am so sorry.  Will be praying for you and your son.  Mental illness is so cruel to the one suffering from it and the family, as so many diseases are.

M1

Another heartbreak.  I hope they can help him Ed.

Twin Mom

Ed I am so sorry.  I am glad for him he was able to make the choice to get in the ambulance.  I will be praying for him and for you.

Last Dance

Ed I'm so sorry for you on top of losing Carole now you have this put upon you. It is so sad that we can fix almost any part of the body, but the mind. I pray that they can help him overcome his suicidal thoughts and return him home to you. God's blessings to you

Last Dance

Ed just to let you know your post is not off topic we all are concerned about what is going on in your life right now and how you are doing. Over the years you shared many good things with us and we are happy to have you share your sad and bad times. If it was possible we all would show up at your house to give you a hug and help you out. Richard

Quilting brings calm

This is not off topic to me either.  The family members are deeply affected by their parent’s  illness and  then death, especially those who livesd with her.  He’s had several changes recently with your wife’s progression, hospitalization, facility, and then unexpected death.  It’s a lot to process especially for him.  There is no shame in getting help and maybe a medication change to deal with it all.  I’m glad you called 911 and that the responding  officers  gave him that choice.  

Ed, there is no shame in you reaching out for help if you need it too.  

Sligo177

Ed,

This is sad, and obviously, he needs to be under supervision right now.  You are a great father to have cared for him all this time.  I know it may not be possible, but I wish you calm and relaxation for the next day, so you can take time for Ed.  Or keep busy if that helps you, we're all different.  Anyway, we are thinking of you. And, what everyone else has said, it's not off topic and we care very much. 

Hoot619

Ed, I will  keep you and your DS in my prayers . Thankfully you have a big family -your own and your family on here. I know there are a lot of prayers being said for you and your Son.  You have helped a lot of people on here. Hoot

ImMaggieMae

Ed, I’m glad you called 911 and he was willing to go to the hospital. Losing Carole so suddenly is overwhelming for any family member to process. I can’t even imagine what he must be going through, having mental problems to begin with. I hope they find medications and/or therapy that will allow him to cope. You have had too much too go through these past weeks. Please take care of yourself. We need you.

zauberflote

Ed, SO not off topic. My autistic son with depression (and possibly bi-polar) completely lost it when his grandmother died (one day before his 27th birthday). The second grandmother, we had a better plan for him. I am praying that your son will get high-quality care, and you can have some heart's ease knowing that we're here for you and your family is there with you. 

Since dementia runs strongly in DH and my maternal families, I am thinking of somehow setting up an advocate for DS who can walk with him when DH and I go. 

Jo C.

Ed, I just saw this; to define how deeply sorry I am does not even come close using words.  This must be beyond tremendously hard to be dealing with.  Understatement for sure.

Bipolar Disorder is a complex illness that coupled with a mental handicap certainly compounds things.  I am so very sorry for your son's suffering.  For those who may not be aware, paranoid delusions are common in BPD as can also be feelings of guilt; the person with BPD experiencing such dynamics does indeed suffer as it is their reality.  I can only imagine your trying so mightily to handle and manage all of what was an is happening and it being so soon upon the heels of your beloved wife's death and funeral.  Off the stress scale.

It was good to make the decision for a 911 call; you have ensured your son is safe and being cared for.

With his mother's far worsening dementia condition at home and the changes with the transfer of his mother into care so swifty followed by the absolute totally unexpected abruptness of her death with him at her side may have overwhelmed his ability to cope.  (It may also be that in the fast moving frightening dynamics surrounding himself, he may have forgotten to take meds he may have been on.)  Now his mother is gone and trying to cope with grief and all of what is present along with the huge changes in his routine and structure with all the unusual business and people around him for the funeral may have been just too much.

Perhaps by leaving, in a way, he may have been "leaving" the deeply troubling dynamics behind him; getting away from what he could not emotionally cope with.  How deeply concerned you must be; no matter how old our children are, they are still our children and all that entails.  You have got him to care; that is the start in getting him grounded again.

I so hope and pray that your son will be helped to regain his footing soon. This is such an overwhelming set of circumstances that  I also hope you have a strong supportive person or people around you who can concretely be a helpful positive in navigating all the complexities that are whirling about and provide added hands-on assistance as need be.  I can only imagine the exhaustion and feeling of being out of control of so much all in the midst of profound grief.

Ed, I know I can be a pain in various portions of one's anatomy and that you are beyond busy with all that is happening; but I would like to ask you to make an asap appointment with your primary care MD and get a quick check on your body - 84 is not 40, and the chronic ongoing stressors you have been dealing with and are presently experiencing are severe.  Please make the effort and take care of you.

All of us here care deeply about you; please continue to let us know how you are and how your son is doing when you have the time and will to do so.  You are in our thoughts and in our prayers; we send our caring and warmest thoughts to you,

J.

Battlebuddie

   Ed, I’m so sorry for any kind of extra stress for you right now. As if the grieving of your dear wife isn’t enough. 

   My sister is BiPolar , so it is something I understand very well. As I am sure you know Biplar is something in which the symptoms are made so much worse from stress. And what is more stressful to a young person than loosing their mom? So sorry for him. 

   My hope is that as time goes on , the shock of it will lessen as his mind is able to accept this. I think you did the very best thing you could , which was to get him medical support during this time.  

Buggsroo

Ed, I am sorry about your son, losing his mother is probably a loss of an anchor so he feels disoriented and very lost. Having bipolar disorder will only exacerbate his sadness and confusion. I honestly think you did the right thing, he needs to be somewhere with structure, routine and a chance to adjust his meds if necessary. I think you did was an act of love. 

You are so generous with your understanding and experience helping all us newbies, but Jo has a point, please take care of yourself, you matter to your family and to us here in the forum. I hope your son’s crisis resolves soon and your family finds its footing soon.

Iris L.

Ed1937 wrote:

  He sleeps 2 or 3 hours a night, and ambien doesn't help. 

Ask the doctors about prescribing Lunesta, a nonbenzodiazepine sleep aid.   Benzos may have paradoxical effects.

Iris

Joydean

Ed I pray for your son that he will receive the best help! It’s so very hard when your child (no matter their age) is hurting, you just want to hug them and try to make things better! Prayers for you and your whole family! 

nancyj194

Dear Ed,

I am so sorry you are going through another very difficult time in your life.  Sometimes things just aren't fair.  I wish you peace and healing. 

Know that we are all thinking of you. 

N

JJAz

Ed,

I am so, so sorry for what you and your son  are going through.  I hope he gets good care and connection with a good psychiatrist.  As mentioned, Ambien may not be the best solution for sleep problems for someone with his diagnosis.  If you have any concern that he is not accurately reporting to his physicians, perhaps you can let the social worker know information that might be needed.  He will have a social worker assigned to his case while he is in the hospital.

Blessings,

JMIE

Ed1937

Thank you all for the support. Somewhat good news this morning. I just talked to him a few minutes ago. He slept well last night, and the tone of his voice tells me that he is going in the right direction. He did not complain about the family or anything else. He did say he misses his mother. I think he is over the crucial part of his "lost feelings".

Jo C.

Such a good thing to hear both for him and for you.  May this continue on a positive course.  So hope you are able to find some restful time for yourself in the midst of all that has happened.

Will be thinking of you and of your son; and thank you Ed, for keeping us informed on how you are and how things are going.  We sincerely care.

J.

Michael Ellenbogen

II am so sorry ed about you son. Also  sorry about your wife as I must have missedt it.

White Crane

Ed, I am so glad you were able to talk to your son and he seems to be getting better.  I'm sorry you're having to go through so much in such a short time.  Please take care of yourself and know that everyone on this forum cares about you.  Sending hugs and prayers.

Brenda

zauberflote

Ed, I hope the news continues hopeful! i know exactly how the tone of voice can make or break the day, for me anyway!