Little Lies

MaryG123

Since I joined this forum, this song has been running through my head, “Little Lies”, by Fleetwood Mac.  “Tell me lies tell me sweet little lies…”. I have always been a stickler for the truth, and have often accused my husband of lying to me about stupid things.  Knowing what I know now, he is probably just  immersed his own reality or covering for his faulty memory.  It seems it’s now my turn to tell sweet little lies, the first in answer to his asking me what I’m doing on my IPad.  “Playing bridge,” I say, while reading your posts.

Ed1937

Yes. Little lies become your friend when you're dealing with this stuff.

Joydean

So very true! I can still remember the first one I told my husband, it was even anything bad, but it was a lie, and I was sick at my stomach the rest of the day and could not sleep that night! Next morning I was so afraid he was somehow going to know I had lied to him! He didn’t even remember the question let alone that I had lied to him.

Jo C.

I remember the first "lie" I told; I felt horrible, it was as though the earth would open up and swallow me whole.  Then . . . I saw the peace and acceptance it brought to my LO and how I got a needed dynamic done with no acting out or agitation.  I realized that was a gift of kindness for my LO and I never looked back. I began to call those kind lies when necessary, "therapeutic fiblets."  They can truly be a kindness for our LOs when necessary.

J.

saltom

Almost everything I've read about ALZ talks about the need for and use of those "little white lies." They are peacekeepers, IT help and tools of the trade.  I've also geared down to talking and labeling as if I were dealing with a two or three-year-old. Geriatrics (myself included) is sort of like dealing with a preschooler only less predictable.  Add in some ALZ and it becomes a "whatever works!"

MaryG123

It’s so nice to know I’m in good company.  While I probably won’t ever be comfortable  with the lying, at least the guilt is minimal.

saltom

Well I've got a doozy of a lie for you.   First a little back story.     For years my DH self medicated with a nightly bourbon to ease his depression, anxiety,  OCD.  He was very disciplined and limited himself to one drink.  A few  years ago - probably when the ALZ was first starting but we didn't know it - he began drinking more.  His psychiatrist suggested that wine might be better.  DH gave up driving eight years ago, so I monitored the liquor purchases.  I know alcohol is not recommended with ALZ but last January his internist and I agreed, given DH's age, 4ounces of wine a night would be OK. I actually have been watering it down a bit which he doesn't notice. I only give it to him if he asks. I never offer it. His memory doctor suggested non alcoholic wine.  It's very hard to find non alcoholic red wine.  I went to the local Safeway where a clerk recommended a non alcoholic red. The only one they had. The label said NON-ALCOHOLIC in big letters at the top and bottom and red wine in the middle. That night I got out the new bottle. I hide the bottles where DH can't physically see or get them.  It turned out to be a substitute for a sparkling rose and was pretty awful.  I told DH it was a new red the store clerk had recommended and I would not buy it again.  He took one sip and asked if I had put the alcohol in it. I repeated it was a new red the clerk had recommended. DH husband again asked if it was non-alcoholic and wanted to see the bottle. I managed to get the bottle out of hiding and wrapped my hands around the top and bottom, held the bottle up and said, "See, it's a red wine, but I won't get this brand again."  It worked.  I'm back to a watered down red blend until I can find a non alcoholic non sparkly red wine.  And MaryG123 I thought of  you. Had I told him it was non alcoholic wine, he would have been at me all night, and I would have felt guilty.  This way I feel like a peace keeper.

ImMaggieMae

Saltom, putting your hands over parts of the label is a good one. I laughed just picturing you doing that. So it was a coverup, not really a lie.

We have not found a decent non-alcoholic wine, but most of the non-alcoholic beers are surprisingly good. DH was involved in the decision to give up alcoholic beverages when he was diagnosed with MCI so he never complained and quite liked most of the beers. Just this afternoon I asked him if he wanted a beer. He told me he doesn’t drink beer anymore. I told him it was non-alcoholic (because that’s all I’ve purchased for years). He drank it. I’m amazed sometimes by things he remembers and things he has long forgotten. He can often not remember my name, but usually remembers I’m his wife, or at least someone that he loves.

Jeff86

Earlier in our AD journey, my DW was inclined to self medicate with white wine.   I hated being in the position of being Dr. No, so I took to diluting the wine with water.

 This turning wine into water wasn’t exactly a biblical miracle, but it was very effective!

Crushed

Find a cat or a rock or a plant

tell the  cat or the rock or the plant thy most outrageous fable you can create aobut your sexual encounter with your favorite celebrity

If you think you are lying, get  therapy  

repeat the story to a person who does not understand a word of English
  
If you think you are lying get therapy
 
Lying is not created by speech it is created in the conscious intelligent  mind of the receiver

You cannot lie to a person whose brain no longer processes correctly 
 
even exodus says  Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour" (Exodus 20:16)
a false witness is speaking to a competent judge 
   

  Sheesh

MaryG123

Thanks you for the stories and laughter!  You made my day!

ImMaggieMae

Jeff, any luck with loaves and fishes?

Jeff86

MaggieMae — my DW was a superb and generous chef and hostess who always made massive amounts of food.   She used to joke that she could take 5.000 loaves and feed 5 people with them.   Another reverse miracle!

Pam BH

I love Crushed's statement: You cannot lie to a person whose brain no longer processes correctly.  

saltom

As a post script to the non alcoholic sparkling rose (tasted like cherry/grape cool aid and soda water), DH usually likes to divide his allotted 4 oz of red wine into a pre and post dinner drink.  Last night he forgot to ask for the pre dinner  drink but did have the post dinner one then asked if we had any booze.  I really didn't want to give him even water downed wine so near bed time so I said we had the sparkling rose.  He said he'd like to try it, so I poured 2 oz for him. He took a sip and remarked how good it was and what was it?  I said rose champaign trying not to burst into laughter.  May try it again tonight. It made a great story for my walk with friends this morning.  Hope you all are having a good day with some laughter even if it takes some therapeutic cover up language.

Michael Ellenbogen

TThat is exactly  why I don't trust the person taking care of me because I caught them lying to me and as long I can remember I will never forget that an not trust anything they tell me.

MaryG123

I’m so sorry that happened to you Michael, and can understand why it would shake your trust.