She gets a little better but than it gets worse

Hoot619

DW has had a few good hours every so often but the bad times are getting worse. DW is in Depends but have one heck of a time trying to get a clean pair on.  Cleaning her up in shower, she is hollaring etc.     Bed time, she doesn't stay in it. Sleeps in chair in living room, I just put a blanket over her.  Meal times are something else, I've learned to keep dog outside DW likes to share with him.  Some times she won't eat but later on will

     I have said in the past that I would take care of her in home always but that has changed.  Nothing seems to be working for me with DW but that is the nature of this disease. At times I think I'm going to wear out the washing machine. When I've got the poor me's I get on here and read what others are going thru.  Things could be worse here so I should be thankful. Hoot

Ed1937

We understand, Hoot. This disease does not provide a comfortable ride. Just when you things are going pretty well, the other shoe drops.

jmlarue

Don't have a case of the guilts if you need to seek placement for your DW. Early in this journey it was easy to think we could care for our LOs to their end of days. Chalk it up to naivete. There was just no way to know how darn difficult that goal would prove to be. I don't think anyone can know until they live it. At some point, every caregiver needs to consider their own health and well-being. We need to accept the hard truth that our LO is better off, too, with a team of caregivers who aren't too emotionally and physically exhausted to give the 24/7 care they need and deserve. There's no shame in it.

White Crane

Hoot, this is a journey none of us want to be on and it is a difficult one.  I understand about seeming better and then worse again.  Sometimes it feels like I am living in some kind of crazy carnival "fun" house where nothing makes sense.  Hang in.  We are all here to support you.  And please try to take good care of you.

David J

Hoot, I can’t add much to what the others have said, except Ive been there. I have placed my wife in MC, but through the early days of the Covid outbreak, I was where you are. I kept setting dates: If I can just make it through summer, if I can make it to the holidays, if I can make it to when MCs open up again, if I can just get through another summer, and on and on. By the time I made the decision, it was almost too late. 

Don’t wait until you are at the end of the rope. 

Hoot619

Yesterday I got Guardianship for her and today called to see how it was going on getting qualified for help. Ok so far, now we are in the Asset part. I finally got things going after realizing that I just can't take care of her the right way.   Our kids are fine with what I'm doing and know the load is to great for me to handle anymore.  DW is doing ok today some of the time and I am glad for that.   Thanks for all the kind comments. Hoot

Jo C.

Hello Hoot.  I can well understand how difficult things have become.  You are making a difficult but necessary decision and it is not an easy time.   From all that has been happening, you are lovingly making the decision that can be best for both of you.

You are not abandoning your wife, you are still her carer; just in a different sort of way.  You will be her advocate and a presence in her life, but able to do that as a loving husband rather than a burned out person desperately in need of rest.  That is a plus for you both.

She will have assistance 24 hours, seven days a week. In whatever way possible, she will have increased socialization whether able to join in one way  or another, or whether she can watch activities. She will be safe and secure and you will be rested and have time to recoup yourself.

Do let us know how you are and how things are going; we will be thinking of you.

J.

Arrowhead

This disease is a rollercoaster; ups and downs, twists and turns, can't see very far ahead. The day after I have to check my wife into a nursing home, I'll have to check myself into an asylum because by then I'll be insane. At this stage, early stage 6, I plan to keep her home until she needs constant care, which she doesn't need yet. Who knows? Between now and then, I may have to do it earlier than that.