Another day in Oz

Just Bill

When my wife was diagnosed I left black and white Kansas and moved to Oz in color with flying monkeys, witches and all kinds of weird stuff. I am with her 24/7 and the absolute nonsense that gets passed back and forth in conversation is exhausting. I have been reading some really good information on how nurses deal with difficult patients and trying with some success what I have learned. Sometimes she is sorta in focus and we can have a sorta normal conversation but mostly it's her asking endless questions, arguing, about anything and everything. She has a new thing I have had to learn to adapt to and that is having a tantrum pre-loaded and just lying in wait for a slip up in my conversational skills to offend her so she can throw the tantrum. Today I made the decision to hire a caregiver to come in on Saturday's so I can golf. If this person works out I may use her to disappear more often. She has been resisting me hiring someone so I used my new found diffusion skills to sell her on the idea. She thinks I am a caregiver so I told her I have to have someone here for insurance reasons. I added that she doesn't need a babysitter but it's the law. In fact you are doing this person a favor by training them. Today's word is respite. I completely ran out of emotional gas today. The decision to hire a caregiver and play golf gave me a huge emotional recovery. Not doing it just thinking of doing it is making me happy all over.

MaryG123

Good for you!  You must be exhausted Bill.  I hope your respite is a win for all.

ImMaggieMae

Bill, we recently hired a caregiver through an agency, who comes 3 days a week, 4 hours each day. It’s expensive and I was hesitant at first, but she turned out to be just what we needed. She’s low key, nice, and my husband liked her pretty much from the start. She isn’t a nurse, just someone to sit with him and she has no problem with changing Depends or getting him snacks. I am often in the house, but upstairs cleaning or doing other neglected things. Other times I’m out doing grocery shopping or other errands. It’s only 12 hours out of the 24/7 care, but it makes a big difference. One of the best things we did.

One of the other best things was to find a real wizard who was able to find a potion to get rid of the flying monkeys and witches that he never spoke of, but we’re likely waiting in the wings behind the obsessive repetitive behaviors which have calmed way down.

Ed1937

I think you have it down pat, Bill. Good for you.

Kenzie56

Bill, you really have quite a talent for writing. You are very articulate and express what I feel, but can't always put into words. The flying monkeys were spot on and preloading the tantrum now gives me a visual and a giggle.  Thank you for your posts.  You should think about writing a book one day! I hope you get your golf get-away.

toolbeltexpert

JB we watch the woz all the time, it's like magic for my dw. I think we are about to land.

Just Bill

Thank you all for the kind words. If my writing provides some entertainment for you that is a double win. The act of writing about day to day experience is extremely therapeutic for me. I try to do as many things I can that demand my 100% focus to stay distracted from the thing that brought me here. Thank you all again for providing me a place to come to and feel comfortable.

Crushed

You deserve a diploma , a medal and a testimonial !

Davegrant

Bill:

I identify with your comments as my DW is the same as far as the questions and endless arguments. I get away about 4-8 hours a week and my dw always puts on a show as "I want to go too" . Just enough to put a damper on any joy I derive from getting away. The subs tell me that she is ok after I am out of site. Its an experience similiar to a day care parent when they are dropping their pre-school child at day care. Some children cry and put on a small tantrum for their parents. I get into the car and usually let out a deep sigh of relief. The joy returns. It isn't a lot of time but is very valuable to me as I return partially recharged. I am not sure if I can afford the costs but it is worth it for my mental health. 

Dave