A day by myself

nancyj194

My son and his fianc'ee took DH fishing for the first time this year.  My plan is to go to the mall. My DH walks so slow and hobbles, so I have not gone shopping there since the year before Covid took over our lives.  I plan to shop for a dress to wear to our son's wedding next month.  They are having a Hawaiian themed wedding and a Luau reception.  Hopefully I can find something cute and island themed that will look fine for mother of the groom.  A friend, with three sons, once told me the groom's mother always wears gray. She died two years ago, so I can't share with her my thoughts now that my son is getting married.  

It has been soon a year since I have been able to go someplace without my DH.  I actually feel anxious for some reason. It feels like I cannot exist doing anything by myself.   Does anyone else ever feel this way? 

DH's progression is slow moving, though the last few months he seems to be moving more into stage 6. He mumbles constantly and also talks to himself in words I can sometimes understand. He can still dress himself in his usual sweat pants, golf shirt, sox and tennis shoes. He can still tie his shoes, but does not wear underwear.  I've  noticed recently he is constantly touching himself.  At first I ignored it, but finally said two days ago, that he should put some allergy cream on his crotch.  He said he didn't need that and got up to put  the tube away. I wasn't serious about the allergy cream on his crotch, but did want to address his actions in some sort of way.  

Some years ago he had prostate surgery, as it was enlarged, and was also put on Finasteride.  One or both have caused impotence.  I do not know if the obsession to touch oneself is common with Alzheimer's/dementia or not. I did a search on here and could not locate any comments.  My concern is he will start doing this in public. I've seen him out in our back yard with his pants partially down. Our yard is surrounded by a six foot cedar fence, ,but is by no means secluded enough to do what he is doing.  The house behind us sits somewhat up above our home/yard. It is empty and for sale after a complete makeover inside and out. I shared with DH, when I noticed him urinating outside one day, that anyone behind us can see him out there. 

I feel like what is currently going on is definitely stressing me a lot.

Take care everyone.

N

French

Nancy, 

Just enjoy your day by yourself. Shopping seems to be a nice idea. You will see, it will be easy and too short.

About your husband touching… my partner do it also (but wears underwear) and now he eats is nose boogers even with people around. Not easy not to feel ashamed. He is no more at home and where he is, nobody really care. We just tease him. For example he appreciates less and less showering. I ask him if he becomes a cat and if I should call him « minou ».

nancyj194

French, thank you for your response that made me smile and even laugh out loud. 

I love your comment about not bathing and the cat minou.  

The shopping went well. I didn't find a Hawaiian themed dress to wear, which is okay since I ordered one from Amazon that is cute enough and the price was right. haI just need to find someone to hem it or maybe do it myself. 

The nose booger eating would bother me terribly, so I am glad he isn't doing that, yet.

My husband does not shower either. It has been months. He says he will, but never does. In all honesty, he does not have any body odor, so far.  He does put on deodorant every morning and still does okay with his toilet wiping.  His skin just look dull. I'm going to make another attempt to get him in the shower this weekend before we go visit my mother next week.  All I can do is try. 

Take care,

N

French

To continue about the cat.

The caregiver doesn’t give up for the shower because he often has traces poop and also because it is very hot there and he sweats a lot. So he protests but she manages to shower him. Caregivers there are very patient.

In May, the caregiver was sick and had swollen cheeks. They are still a little swollen and I now call them « the cat and the hamster « . My partner laughs when I do that.

Now that I am not the main caregiver, I am able to have a sense of humor. 

Joydean

Nancy enjoy your day shopping! The first time I had a caregiver come I didn’t know what to do first. I had 4 hours, of course when you live out in the country and every place is 30 to 40 minutes away that doesn’t leave much time, but I was as excited as a kid and also a little scared. I ended up taking care of some business that I couldn’t have done with dh with me. The 2nd time I bought groceries by myself and that was a treat. I know that sounds crazy but only someone caring for a love one with Alzheimer’s would understand. 

Enjoy your day and hope you find just what you are looking for! 

Hope you can get him to shower! Dh went through that during the winter but thank God he will shower now that his meds were changed.  Best of luck to you!