Living without the one you cannot live without

tcrosse

My DW passed away a few months ago, and I was quite puzzled by my feelings. I picked up some one-on-one grief counselling, and a grief support group, but still was at loose ends. Then, while surfing the Internet I came upon a YouTube talk with the above title by Natasha Josefowitz, a lively 88-year-old widow from the University of California at San Diego. She described with great accuracy exactly what I had been experiencing, and offered a road map to get to the new normal. It was a great help to me, but your mileage may vary. I can't recommend it enough.You can find it here:

https://youtu.be/VIxYj8FEZ34, 

SusanB-dil

Hi tcrosse - sorry for your loss.  

Glad you found some help.  All grieve in different ways, but all of it still hurtful.

TessC

Very sorry for the loss of your dear wife. Thank you for sharing this link. I will be checking it out for sure. Good luck to you and hope you find your new normal at the right time for you.

toni2

tcrosse,

I agree that you get a new normal. Nothing is the same as before. People used to say just get over it. That is something that never happens. In 6 days, it will 3 years since DH died and yet it feels like it happened weeks ago. I don't cry or feel depressed but there is a hole in my heart that never gets filled. I laugh and have a good time with family and friends, but nothing is the same. There are times I think I can't wait to tell DH that and then I remember I can't do that anymore. 

Life goes on and you are changed in the process. I think I'm a little wiser, but truth be told I'm the same, just a little more weather worn. Like that old tree in the yard that you think will not last through another storm. Thanks be to God who is in control, or my life would be in shambles.     

Sadlady

Many thanks tcrosse, for this link to Natasha Josefowitz's speech online. I so enjoyed listening to it; in fact I did so twice and took notes on many of her comments in order to easily refer back. 

I lost my beloved  husband to FTD 12 weeks ago and have felt so lost since. He is constantly "there" in every single thing I do. His absence is constantly felt, and I think it will always be this way.

This article has been a great help to me personally.

Good luck to you.

abc123

I am sorry to hear of the loss of the dear wife. I am also puzzled at my feelings most days. I lost my mother recently, a month tomorrow. Thank you for sharing this information. I will read it.

I am looking into counselling also. If you had to pick one type over the other which one would you pick? One on one or group?

tcrosse

abc123

I have tried both one-on-one and group counseling. What seems to be more important than which type of counseling is whether they understand the particular awfulness Alzheimers caregivers go through, and the sense of relief the caregiver can feel at the death of their LO. My current grief group is full of people whose LO died quickly of cancer, which is awful enough, but they didn't have the chance I did of coming to terms with LO's death over the space of several years.