Finally visited my husband

Gig Harbor

My husband has been in memory care for 20 days. I visited for the first time today. When I got there he was sitting with a group of 8 people in a circle on couches and chairs and he was laughing with the ladies on either side of him. Others in the group were also engaged with each other. There were staff all around and the nurse was in her office just off to the side. He was happy to see me and said he had missed me but he didn’t dwell on it. We walked around and then went to a painting class. I suggested a walk but he said he needed to go to the bathroom. He was in there about 20 minutes and I had to clean him up.we again tried to walk but it was another round of bathroom time. I finally got him out to the couch but he said he felt terrible he was hot and clammy. I called the nurse over and we discovered he had on 6 shirts. We took those off and I had him drink 3 glasses of water with lemon. They thought he should be seen buy I explained that I had spent 40 years in an ER and initial treatment would be to cool him down and give fluids. After 30 minutes he felt much better and vital signs had improved. We agreed that he needed more supervision so he didn’t sneak on so many shirts. Things were missing out of his room but the staff said he is constantly hiding things and rearranging his clothes. He did this at home too. I will take in razor and toothbrush chargers and take them home when I leave.mi will also clean and organize his room each time. When I left he was deep in conversation with another man and barely waved goodbye. I think he has adjusted to his new home and to his people. I realize that he is more engaged than he was at home and he is happy.

Ed1937

Gig, that's a pretty good report. I'm glad he's acclimated already. That's huge! It sounds like you might be able to visit before long again.

DJnAZ

My wife has been in memory care for 6 weeks and my visits have been a bit different. In addition to advanced dementia she has Primary Progressive Aphasia which limits communication with her. But she still recognizes me and immediately goes to her room and begins packing her things saying, "let's go!".

Following the director of nursing's suggestion that it might be a good idea for me to stay away for a while so she can adjust, I try to call every day or two to check on her. The nursing staff told me a few days ago she is starting to accept her new environment. So that is good for everyone.

Speaking of my staying away, I got a call today from her nurse that she has tested positive for Covid. They aren't certain who spread it, but several of the more active residents have it. I will definitely stay away until they let me know it is safe to visit.

I thought the last 2+ years of in-home care giving was the most difficult thing I've ever done. Wrong! Placing her in memory care is without a doubt the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. But if there is a positive it appears she is doing better with this transition than I am. She is where she needs to be but I really miss my best friend.

Cherjer

Just wondering why the staff did not notice your DH wearing 6 shirts. That would seem quite obvious and a cause for concern.

Joydean

Gig Harbor, so very glad your visit went so well! It does sound like he is making friends and is active, that’s all good things. How are you doing? Hope you are doing something that makes you happy and enjoying your time. Thanks for sharing!

jmlarue

Everything seems to be going well for your DH. I'm sure that is a load off your mind. It's also a blessing that he did not ask to go home. I think of you often, Gig, and hope that you are enjoying some peace and quiet now that the burden of primary caregiving has been lifted. Wishing your and your DH all the very best.

Gig Harbor

Cherjer he is pretty skinny. He had put on short sleeves then one long sleeve one and then a sweatshirt. I thought he just had the three top ones on. At home if I didn’t let him wear multiple shirts he would put on a winter jacket and zip it up. He is always cold but after today they will check him daily. This disease is so hard because they are always changing. I can notice a change since he went in as he is no longer taking long walks three days a week but he seems more engaged and happy. He didn’t enjoy running errands with me and does like visiting with the other residents.

Quilting brings calm

Gig. - I’m glad your visit went well.  A lot of shirts doesn’t really surprise me.  My parents keep their thermostat at 80 year round, but the AL common areas are set at a reasonable temperature. So mom is always layered in clothing. 

Have you gotten to do anything fun the last three weeks… or are you just resting and trying to acclimate to this new reality? 

DJ- the covid  travsmission rates are high in our area.  In addition, rumor has it that the current  variant is  a lot like a bad cold for vaccinated folks. It’s also allergy season. So I suspect those of us with allergies just assume it’s our allergies unless we hear that we have been exposed. That’s probably how it’s spreading again. 

Just Bill

Next to my wife's actual passing the drop off is going to be the most painful part of this process. My heart goes out to all of you that are going through this. I hope you can find some peace in the moment if only for a moment. Be happy your LO is where they need to be.

Joe C.

Gig, It’s great to hear that you husband is adjusting so well. I hope you are doing good as well.

Beachfan

Gig, great news.  I hope you are finding time for yourself now that DH is seemingly settling in. The adjustment hard for both parties, but I hope you are relaxing and enjoying yourself when you can.  I think about you often.

Jo C.

Thank you Gig, for the update.  It must have been a relief to see him enjoying the socialization and having adapted so well.   You also identified areas needing more attention and that has been put into place; knowing how detailed you are, I can imagine you will be following up in your own lovely way.

Good idea to bring the electronic chargers home after each visit.  Residents do have a penchant for going shopping in open rooms.

How are you feeling now, Gig?   Things are far different and the house much quieter.  I initially found that a bit strange and at first a bit off-putting, but the stress levels became far less which was best for all.

You have done such a wonderful job of addressing all care needs and through some very challenging times which is an understatement.  I wish you the very best and it is always good to hear your voice on these pages.  You have a lot of experiential wisdom to offer others who are in earlier stages of their journey.

Big hug to a special lady,

J.

Kenzie56

Thank you for letting us know how your visit went. I've been thinking about you. Your post made me feel hopeful.  I hope when the time comes, my DH will have the same experience. He has always been very social. Did you get him a shared room or private room?  My DH hates to be alone, so I am thinking about a shared room...not sure how that has worked out for others.  My MIL was introverted and a private room was the only way to go for her. Looking forward to hearing what you decided.

Gig Harbor

My husband is in a double room but since they aren’t full yet he has no roommate. I think he will do fine and hopefully he won’t try to rearrange the roommates clothes. In the first twenty days I had a sick dog, got the house pressure washed and then painted, replaced all exterior lights and got our sprinklers fixed. Now that I am visiting I will go every third so my days will be filled. I have to say that I miss the person he was but I also love waking up and not having to worry about how he will be for the day. I have also not cooked a proper dinner and and that has been a wonderful break. Seeing how contented he is there and how much he enjoys all the residents makes it possible for me to enjoy the quietness and the freedom to come and go.

abc123

Dear Gig, I am very happy for you both! You sure have accomplished a lot around the house. That ALWAYS make me feel good. I need to pressure wash my back patio. To keep it the way I like it would require doing it at least every two to three months. I’m lucky if I can get to it every six months. 

Like I said, I’m very happy for you!

Jo C.

Wow, Gig!   You are a one woman whirlwind! When you are finished up there, sure could use  you down here.

Am really glad you are pleased with how your DH is doing; that is such a great outcome and well deserved for both of you.  Couldn't have gone better.  So hope he will like a roommate and that they are compatible. 

Enjoy your peace and serenity and give yourself a nice treat once in awhile; you have certainly earned it and more. 

J.

QuincyLF

Gig - great to hear!  My family is right behind you.  Dad is being placed in MC this week as well.  He was admitted to hospital last week (initially due to a sugar spike, he is also diabetic) - but they discovered NPH (which seems to be the cause of his incontinence).  They will drain the excess brain fluid Monday and off he goes to MC.  Rather than take him back home & disrupt an inevitable future move.

My fingers are tightly crossed he adapts well.  Thank you for your update - it gives us all hope that are in the same position as you are.  Keep us updated on how he is doing.