Need to be on the go

Soul Mate

What do you do with someone who has always needed to be on the go and now has dementia?

 

Jennifer Ghent-Fuller in Understanding the Dementia Experience says,

“Some families have described their loved one with Alzheimer Disease as engaged on a restless search for reality and “the known”, which they can never find. These people are rarely happy. Many spousal caregivers describe the person with Alzheimer disease as only happy at times that they are out – for a drive, to a restaurant, at the market, etc. It may be that they are happy only when they are away from their residence, and away from the environment in which they have a sense of frustration, despair and injustice at no longer being able to function at home. There are no demands on their disappearing skills when they’re out for a drive. “ 

 

This describes my husband.  His first dementia symptom was loss of executive skills – couldn’t alphabetize, couldn’t remember what was on the page he just read, couldn’t multi-task.  An avid swimmer, he was envious of some friends who moved to a Senior Community with a pool and wanted to move there.  I wasn’t so keen on the idea until the day he decided to fix the smoke detector.  I realized that as an avid longtime handyman there would be all kinds of things he’d want to “fix” next from electrical to plumbing.  So five years ago we moved to the senior community and he gave up his car for an electric bike.  

 

Besides swimming he also engaged in about 15 other activities.  And he also voluntarily started helping with household chores like emptying the dishwasher. taking out the trash and making the bed. Then covid came and a lot of the community activities were cancelled. Many of the activities have now been re-instated but the dementia has worsened and he can’t participate in any of them- not even swimming.  He lost his sense of direction, so he voluntarily gave up the bike. He also can no longer find his way around the facility.  He just knows the hallway outside our door. He no longer helps with household chores and is no longer able to dress or bathe himself.

 

During covid, I got him an indoor recumbent bike.  Every day I put on a youtube video and he pedals himself around the world.  His right brain also works - so he listens to a lot of music and he can still take photos on his phone.  In the past, we watched a lot of youtube videos and have been “around the world in travelogues” plus action videos of skiing, sailing, and other sports.  Those no longer interest him. We used to watch old time sitcoms like Cheers and Dick Van *$%& where there is a simple plot, but even now those are too confusing. 

 

So now one of his only joys is going out in the car somewhere – doesn’t matter where.  Much as I’d love just to drive around with him, that means that I’m not getting a lot of chores, bills and other necessities done.  

 

His other joy is eating.  He can’t track mealtimes and is always asking for “food.”  The big problem is he is a diabetic with carb restrictions and has stage 3 kidney disease which greatly restricts his salt intake.  (Luckily he doesn’t seem to realize that he eats the same items over and over again. Eating is the goal).

 

So again I ask:  What do you do with someone with dementia who always wants to be on the go?  Would be lovely if I could send him on a bus tour or commuter train for the day.  Or maybe he could ride shotgun for an Uber driver?

Thanks for "listening"

thanks for listening!

sandwichone123

Soul Mate, thanks for posting this!

My dh always wants to be on the go. After he retired and I took over the finances, I would give him a cash allowance and he could go to coffee shops, donut shops, etc. After he crashed his car he started walking and walking. He still gets a cash allowance and walks to Target and Trader Joe's and to coffee shops and donut shops. Ours is a dangerous town for pedestrians, but I do not want to keep him from walking, as that's his only real pleasure while I'm at work. So far, he doesn't get lost. When I get home, he's ready to go out driving.

On weekends he wants to go out driving at least three times a day, starting at 6 a.m. I have considered placing him in a community with activities and a large outdoors for walking. I don't have any remedies, but was so happy to hear your story.