14 months since my DH passed

lsh42

The last time I was on this site is right before my DH passed. I had posted something right before he passed and some people were just rude and the post was closed. It's been a very long 14 months. Before he passed I thought life after his passing was going to be much different than it is. It is very lonely and boring. Due to blowing out a disc while he was in hospice, I had to retire.

I thought I would be able to reconnect with friends. That did not happen. So I spend most of my time at home alone.

Somehow I have managed to put most of the bad memories back somewhere in my mind and good memories come out. Maybe that's why I am so lonely. 

I did not cry very much when he died. I guess by that point I was done. I still haven't really had a hard cry, just little ones. 

We were married only 12 years. He started showing signs 6 months after we married. I took care of him until he died in his room at home. It was not easy. I would not recommend it. Maybe it has broken my spirit.

Sorry this so rambling. I am not a good writer. No one really needs to respond.

I just needed to talk.

Thank you.

loveskitties

So sorry about your DH and the fact that you had some rude responses from other posters.

I know it does take time to regroup after years of being a caregiver.  The hopes of the future that kept you going may not have materialized, but that doesn't mean that you can't have other hopes.

Try to find an activity out side the home even once a month to get you back with others.  They may not be friends of the past, present or future, but being among others can help.

Wishing you better days.

M1

Ish I remember you and am glad to hear your update, even if life in "stage 8" has not proved all you would wish.  I hope it gets better, too.  Grief is unpredictable and I don't think there is any timeline.  

I think the pandemic plays into all of this, too.  It is very hard to reconnect with people when there is still caution about going out.  I also have been very much alone (partner went to MC 4 months ago), and while I am trying to think of things that might interest me, covid worries still hold me back.  I think we are all feeling it--even my six year old granddaughter is struggling, and my 2.5 year old granddaughter doesn't know what friends are.

I'm glad you posted and hope you continue to feel free to do so.

Quilting brings calm

Ish42 … I’m sorry for your loss and that the last couple years have made it difficult to reconnect with friends.   Maybe what would be helpful is something and some one  entirely new.  Is there some hobby or activity that you  once wanted to try but never did?  One that wouldn’t hurt your back?   

The only sewing I did before I was in my late 40s was a junior high 9 week course.  Results were  laughable. My sister in law talked me into letting my spouse buy me a sewing machine and I started learning to piece   quilt tops. ( I  send them to an expert to be quilted).  It’s turned into a very enjoyable pastime.  One that I do a lot of at home by myself.  Keeps my mind busy.  However, there are classes, gatherings  and retreats where I see old acquaintances  and make new friends. Mostly females, mostly 40-80 years of age.   

If sewing doesn’t interest you, try scrapbooking, painting, stained glass, ceramics, raised flower beds ( so you don’t bend over).  Do not expect to make a new friend immediately - but enjoy being around people in the meantime.  The shared activity focus means you dont even really have to make conversation unless you want to. 

Ed1937

Ish, I'm so sorry. It really doesn't seem nearly that long since you posted. I'm sorry your husband passed, and I'm sorry people were rude to you. That's a rare thing here.

There must be places near you where you can connect with others. I think we all need others in our lives to be able to find contentment. Get dressed and go out.

lsh42

Thank you all for your encouragement.

piozam13

ish42.  It's been a year and a half since I lost my husband.  When we moved here 3 years ago - we didn't have family nor friends.  I'm doing OK. I feel one doesn't really forget or get over the loss of a loved one.  But I accept the past is gone. Now I feel his death was good for him and me.  He no longer suffers. I'm free to do whatever I missed doing and think about the future.

 So I decided to focus on me.   I made an effort to spend time walking, playing a new sport, volunteering, etc.  I'm 75 years old.