When to make my first visit.

Dreitsch

My wife is going into memory care next Tuesday. Our son is taking her in. My question is how long do I wait before I make my first visit? The next day? wait a few days until she gets settled?  Those of you have gone through it, what's your experience?

M1

Welcome Dreitsch.  I don't think there's any right or wrong answer.  My partner has been in MC for three months and is still too agitated for me to visit regularly, others have been able to go from the getgo without issues.  So it's really variable I think and you'll probably just have to play it by ear and trust your instincts.  A lot of members have had to place their spouses lately, so you're not alone.  Good luck, hope it goes well, we all know how wrenching this is.

Gig Harbor

Hi Dreitsch, 

I placed my husband a month ago. I waited 20 days for my first visit. When I went he was happy to see me and said he missed me but he was settling in. On my next two visits he has really settled in an almost doesn’t want to leave his friends when I get there. He lives in the moment so I don’t talk about our past and I don’t think he will mention it. I don’t want him to feel bad that he has forgotten important things. He has such profound memory loss that this works for us. It is sad  but it is what it is. My life at home is becoming more normal but I still find it hard to concentrate on projects after not being able to do that for so long. I called the staff regularly to see how he was doing. Good luck.

QuincyLF

We put my dad into MC 3 days ago - and I've been to visit every day so far (just to bring clothes, sheets, personal effects, etc).  Quick 20-30 minute visits.  He is perfectly fine when I come and go.  I don't think he expects me to stay.  My mom (who was his primary caregiver for 5 years) may be another story.  She is going to visit tomorrow (with me).  Doubtful he will remember she is his wife - but I can update this feed with how it goes.  We are very lucky he settled in almost immediately.  He was in the hospital for a week before being admitted - so it made it easier that he didn't go home first - then to MC.  

We had a family friend experience similar to others that have posted - he couldn't go for 3 weeks to see his wife.  She had a hard time adjusting and wanted to go home.  Not the case with my dad. 

I'd ask the advice of the nurses & caregivers on staff to help you determine when might be the best time to visit, based on her situation.

Best of luck.  I know first-hand this is a difficult journey.