Question for the group(1)

toolbeltexpert

Has anyone ever written a letter to their lo in mcf? When I visited the Geripyhc unit Thursday she had a paper hanging out of her pocket which I asked if I could see it, dw had written 2 letters which were Identical to me asking why I wasn't coming home. I want write something that will let her know I am ok and that the cats are fed ect. Any thoughts as mine are so jumbled I can't think straight any more. Broken heart is frying my mind.

ButterflyWings

(((TBE))) hugs. Does she like greeting cards? Maybe a pretty one with a short love note from you. I think if she isn’t bringing up the pets etc, I would not risk triggering her by talking about things at home.

M1

TBE I've thought about the same thing, but I haven't figured out what to say that wouldn't trigger her besides I love you.  Written words don't mean much to her any more.  

Remember, you are doing this for her safety and wellbeing.  You cannot continue to care for her by yourself at home, any more than I could, much as I wish that weren't the case.  

toolbeltexpert

BW I should have thought of that, Dw had many card programs and loved to make them, but the computers keep changing and the ink got to expensive, so I will try to find one that will be just right. I still wonder how Dw will react and once she has it, will it be a good thing for her?

Ed1937

I agree it would likely backfire if you wrote anything about home. Jut tell her you've been working extra hours, you're tired, and you had to sleep. Tell her you missed seeing her when you're working like that, and you love her more than anything. Do you think she would buy that?

toolbeltexpert

M1 you're right, and I know it, and I am afraid I am not gonna be able to visit her because I am a trigger and my heart is so broken and I know you have suffered this for so long now. Her sister and my family have said what you've said in different ways, oh how I wish this wasn't happening not only for myself but everyone on here. I continue to pray for you and your Dw to have a better outcome now. Thanks for all your advice and kind words. Oh and no I didn't think to do a covid check, My problem was resolving until a neighbor gave me a tomato and I made a grill cheese and tomato sandwich last night. My leg cramps are gone and I have gained back most of the weight loss, which was liquid. I do drink approximately a gallon of water a day.

I had taken Prilosec for many years until I found it steals magnesium from your hip bones, so about 2 years ago I bit the bullet and changed my diet, limited coffee to 2 cups, lowered fatty foods, and got a bed that could raise the head. I ate tums for a long time, but now I am about weaned off them till supper last night. Tomatoes for me trigger my acid reflux.

toolbeltexpert

Ed I don't know, but the base of what you said is what I need to write, short and sweet.

Jo C.

First; contact the GeroPsych Unit Supervisor and ask if mail is permitted.  Also, you mentioned possibly sending visitors from church to see your wife - you need to check with the Nursing Supervisor to find out if that is permitted per their visitation policy.

In the GeroPsych Unit my LO was at, there were no visitors other than very limited immediate family members at specific times, and no outside mail was permitted.

I agree that it may well be a negative to send a letter; she cannot process information and matters like we can and the likelihood is that it would upset her being that your input may possibly or probably be triggers. The most innocent communication at this point can set her up for unintended agitation and upset and you do not want to cause her further distress.  If mail is permitted, I agree with Butterfly; a pretty card with a simple message of very few words, "I love you."  Not, "I miss you," or any input about home, pets, other people, etc., which may cause her damaged, compromised brain to misinterpret with delusional thoughts and complicate matters. 

Dear Stewart, you lovingly try to find ways to reach out.  It comes from the heart because you care. You are learning; we all have a learning ladder to climb when we first start on this unwanted journey.  The lovely people here can lend a hand as we go rung to rung.  It was what helped me through the worst of times.

Things are never going to go back they way they were; but there will be assistance to get to a better quality of life for your dear wife and yourself.  It will not be perfect, but it can be much better.  Later, you will have a team to assist her from MC staff and your outpatient dementia specialist; you will not be alone.

Warmest of thoughts are being sent your way,

J.

DJnAZ

Although my wife has only been in MC 8 weeks, each time I have visited I have taken her a greeting card. She loves animals so I try to find a card with dogs or animals on the front. I keep it short, simply and sweet. I tell her I miss her, think about her all the time and I love her. The staff told me she is very proud of her cards.

MaryG123

I think you won’t know until you try it.  There’s no right or wrong, just trial and error.

Joydean

TBE, I agree you will not know until you try. She’s expressing her feelings in a letter to you so it seem letter’s are important to her. I also agree a sweet little card would be a beautiful beginning. She knew how important cards can be, so you can only try! 

I do hope and pray you are taking care of yourself.  

toolbeltexpert

Dw just called wanted to know when I was coming to pick her up. Tomorrow, I called the nurses station and asked how she's doing. No bad behaviors, heart broken, confused short term memory loss maybe a little better? The nurse asked if I was coming and I said someone from church would be, the nurse thought that would be a good idea. I asked if she could have a card, oh and do you have any pictures we could hang on the wall that would be good. I wish they had told me that! I was told nothing before. So I will gather a few pictures of her cats to go tomorrow with the friend. This sure is hell on her and me. I am a little cheered about her having some pictures though.

dayn2nite2

Cards are awesome, then you can just sign.  Pop-up cards, cards with music, cards with things she likes, like animals or flowers, any card will do.

Although I visited my mom 4 times a week at the NH, I would also send cards to her and most of the time when I arrived for the next visit she was clutching the latest card I had sent.