Caregiver 101 - things that help me

RobertsBrown

Hi gang,

The previous occupant of this house put a deep wash sink in the laundry room.  This gets use every day, and I could not live without it.  If you are not in need of one yet, I am sorry to report that you will be.  I recommend you get one installed before you need it.

Washcloths are a must.  My gal used to clean houses for pin money, so she had a large supply of microfiber 12'' square washcloths, and they are perfect.  Cotton towels tend to be too fluffy for personal hygiene assistance, and paper disposable wipes are too rough for regular use, and many have antiseptic that stings sensitive tissues.

When your spouse gets to the point of dependence for food and water, that's your job.  I have a regular snack schedule that generally involves cut apple slices or plain crackers, for in-between meals.  We weaned off sugar drinks and now it's just ice water.  I recommend a thermal container with a straw that can't be removed.  Before I figured out the straw, my gal would not be able to figure out how to slide the mouthpiece open, and then how to drink out of the container at all.  She is still sometimes unsure of what to do, but I just tell her to suck on the straw and then she is OKish.  It is important to constantly check the water supply, since she will suck air and never ask for water.  She says 'it doesn't work'.

I moved her into scrubs for pants.  They have elastic waistbands, and come in nice colors.  I had to cut the drawstrings off to prevent her from locking herself into her pants with amazing fidget knots.

If your person refuses to bathe, try to get them to sit still to have their socks changed every day.  They may walk through wet or dirty spots and pay no attention, and feet get sour pretty fast.

Lastly, I had to learn that moving too fast, or speaking with a serious tone can be upsetting.  How you move and speak generally has more impact then the meaning of your words or intention of you actions.  The best thing I can offer is to say that constant reassurance that everything is OK, and that we are OK really makes a difference.  My gal seems to respond to my moods by adopting them, so I try to project good ones.

I came here today to rant and rave about the unfairness of all this BS, but posted this instead.  I hope it's useful.

Ed1937

Roberts, that's golden. I'd like to add just a couple of things. You are surely correct when you say your projected mood is also golden, I found that trying to understand things from their perspective is important. My wife would fight me when she had an accident in her pants, and needed help getting clean. This was always stressful for both of us. One time I tried to look at it through her eyes. I told her I knew this was very hard for her, and I was sorry for that. I told her everything would be OK, and kept reassuring her of that. That worked so much better than telling her it had to be done, and just making it happen. Empathy means a lot.

Another thing I found that changed our lives was to put a shower in the place of our bath tub. I worried about whether or not it would be big enough if I had to get in there with her. More space would have been better, but it was certainly doable the way it was. If anyone needs tips on how to set up showers, please ask. You will get plenty of answers.

Joydean

Robert and Ed, thanks for the very informative tips. Very useful and oh so true.  For the shower, I put in a hand held sprayer thinking it would be helpful, dh love’s it. He sprays water every where and said it was a great back-scratcher!  O well, what’s one more mess, at least he is taking a shower now!

toolbeltexpert

Rb that's some very good stuff. I may not get to use it but it is sure practical.  Yesterday I talked with the shift nurse about my wife if I could bring a card, oh yes definitely, then she said if I had some pictures of her cats that would be helpful as well. I was kinda ticked that they hadn't told me this b4 now. But I realized it was an opportunity to help my dw. How easy it is to see all the negative stuff and complian. I fought with my 6 yo computer and finally gave up and used my cell to transfer pictures to a memory stick. I went to Walmart and printed some of the best cat pictures I had, 8 by 10 and 5 by 7. I really am hopeful they will bring a little ray of light to her dark place.

Stewart

MaryG123

Thank you for the great tips!  The sprayer comment made me laugh.  At least it’s just water.

abc123

Great post! Thank you for sharing.