Hello M1

Jo C.

Hello M; been thinking of you and wondering how you are and how things are going for you.  Are you working in a professional status at this point?  How are things going with the property - that is a LOT of area to cover. 

I also wondered if the hired "friend" has begun entering the picture for your Partner yet and if so, how it seems to be going.

Must be very hot weather where you are, don't forget to stay cool when working on the property.  Your crops must be coming up pretty well by now.   Love the photo of the Sunflowers and zinnia and the wonderful huge barn.  Beautiful property.

J.

abc123

Hello Jo! Thank you for reaching out to M1! I am also thinking about her! 

Dear M, I hope things are getting better for you! I’m going to try to find the pictures that Jo mentioned. I need to get my lap tops fixed. Using a phone for the forum is difficult for me.

Ed1937

Waiting to hear from M1. Hoping things might be softening a bit.

M1

you are both kind to ask.  I wish I had better things to report, but I still feel in limbo.  Pretty rough weekend emotionally.

I am back to square one in terms of not being able to visit.  The NP called me last week saying she thought my partner was more depressed, and I agree.  They are going to increase her Zoloft dose, but I'm not optimistic that that will do much.  The one-on-one companion should be starting soon, so we'll see if that does anything.  The loss of any contact is just crushing, and I am grieving it badly.  There is a local support group meeting this week and I plan to attend,  though I was dismayed last month that no one except me was masked.  Transmission rates of covid are back to astronomical levels around here (28% test positivity last week).

Things on the farm are okay.  Way too hot to do much, I try to time any gardening or mowing to very early morning or late evening.  There is much that always needs doing, but my energy is limited at the moment.  The big spillway repair will happen later in the summer or early fall.  Lots of tomatoes and eggplant in the vegetable garden, and the corn should be coming in shortly if I can keep the raccoons out of it.

Jo I am still working part-time, all remote, so that gives some structure to the days.  My daughter lives about 30 minutes away and just lost her summertime babysitter, so I will be helping out some with her two girls in the next few weeks until school starts.  At six and two and a half, having them in my life helps enormously.  

And Riley the dog is good company.  Three cats, four ducks, innumerable deer and rabbits and turkeys, wood ducks and armadillos round out the daily activity in our little sanctuary.  I have eight hummingbird feeders on the back deck, so it looks like O'Hare airport out there.  I go through more sugar in July and August than in the rest of the ten months combined.

So I know we will make it through.  Trying to keep my chin up.  I am grateful for this beautiful home in which she surrounds me in all things.  I miss her enormously, and am trying to live as I know she would want me to.

Jo C.

M; my heart truly does go out to you.   There you are, a physician; and me, an RN.  We are built for addressing the problems in others, taking action, and making a difference.  We are about DOING things.  Such a situation is dreadful to have to be in and feel that there is nothing we can do to make a difference despite our experience and education.  I used to call it my, "brick wall."   I would try so hard and continued to try and help my beleagured LO - feeling very, very responsible, each time barrelling right into the brick wall. Used to wake up in the wee hours lying there wondering what had I missed, what would work better; of course to no avail . . . . you know what I mean.

One day, a friend who is also an RN mentioned to me; J, if your LO had cancer, would you continue to run headlong into that brick wall over and over again which would be unrealistic? Well; she was right, the answer was, "no."  However, I kept trying.  Sadly, I had to wait for that longest stage of dementia to be passed through before things changed and when it did happen, things became so much calmer; the quality of life for my LO  was better, which of course helped me and our connections were much better.  Knowing that the disease had advanced was of no comfort, but knowing the quality of my LOs days and nights were improved was of great and sad relief.

Here's hoping with all good wishes that your hired person's personality suits your Partner and that they become good "friends."  Worked for my LO; so do hope it works or yours too.

Your home is undoubtedly beautiful; wish I could kind of see it - one day when you have time maybe you can describe it for us. 

COVID ramping up big time here too.  Looks like we will soon be back to masking in all public places by county mandate.  I am having a hard time with masks.  We know that the ones that work best with these variants are N95 and KN95 (those made in Korea, not China), with the N95s being the best.  I have curly hair and the elastics for the N95s get caught and wound up in my hair even affecting the tightness of fit - do not know quite what to do. Drats. Glad you are still masking. Smart.

Give Riley a tummy rub for me; the animals on the property had me chuckling, and O'Hare Airport indeed! Great to have the grand-girls to take care of - I SO miss that. I do not have anyone to read story books to any longer. Favorite of all grandchildren was, "The Gingerbread Man, so they could always shout out the "Run, run, as fast as you can  . . . " line.   May your days with the grands be spirit raising and a comfort.

Big hug being sent your way with crossed fingers hoping that the hired "friend" will be able to make a difference.

J.

Ed1937

M1, I'm so sorry it's not getting any better. Grieving like you are is understandable, even though you know she is still alive. That must make it really hard when you're trying to do remote visits.

Hopefully most people will be masked this time at the support group since the positivity rate is so high. We're at 19% here.

Your farm sounds like a dream. But there's always more to be done when farming. That takes a special kind of people.

I really hope the new companion works out well for you. Sooner or later you're bound to have something go your way, even though you may be wondering if that will ever happen. 

Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.   

M1

Stupid, painful interaction this afternoon:  someone called from the NP's office wanting to know how she was doing.  I told her I had no idea because I couldn't go visit.  "Why not?"  "How long has this been going on?"  "Has anyone tried to talk to her about it?" "How often to they call to update you?"  I thanked her for the call and hung up.  I didn't feel like hashing through the whole history again.  I had talked directly with the NP herself last week, but obviously the chart's not well marked.  Again worries me that communication is not what it should be.

Jo C.

. . . . oh my; on top of everything else.  Is there any one clinical person at the facility driving the train that can coordinate all of this for you?  I also wonder if they have ever held a Care Management meeting with you as they do out here at intervals.  We have to ask for such a meeting sometimes as the facilities seem to lag long past the supposedly "due" dates for that.  Just wondering if there is someone who can be at the top of the care management chain who could be your primary person to stay on top of things and to communicate as necessary as well as routinely at intervals considering the unique circumstances you are dealing with.  Seems like a bit of management oversite. 

Perhaps if that were established it may somewhat help a bit in this very difficult situation. 

J.