New and need advice(1)

PurpleTalon

My mom was diagnosed with cognitive impairment back in October. She lives in her own home with my dad. She usually doesn't remember my name, never remembers my husband, thinks the grandchildren are her children (by name, though understands on some level she doesn't care for them).  She has always denied anything is wrong with her and has an excuse to explain everything away. She also cut off almost all contact with the outside world.  So getting her into doctors is very difficult.

But she is now slapping my dad and throwing things at him. He often has a bruise or scratch from somewhere because of this behavior.  Obviously this can't go on. I've set up an appointment with a geriatric psychiatrist - but what if she refuses to go?  Just staying home forever slapping my dad around is definitely not an option!  Please, any advice?

Iris L.

PurpleTalon wrote:

  She has always denied anything is wrong with her  

Welcome, purple talon.  What you describe is not denial, but a characteristic of the dementias called anosognosia.  This causes the PWD (person with dementia) to be unaware of having dementia.  She truly believes she is fine.  If you try to confront her, she will resist and become upset.  You will have to learn work-arounds from the members, basically learn a new way of communicating.  You will also learn to get the legal and financial affairs in order.  Do not tell her about the appointment, just go.  You might have to call for paramedics if the situation becomes a crisis.  Keep posting.

Iris L.

M1

Welcome to the forum, so sorry you and your parents are going through this.  Yes you've done exactly the right thing.  Many folks here use excuses to get their lo's to appointments--such as, it's required by medicare or you'll lose your insurance.  A geri psych is the right type of doc for sure, and she almost certainly will need medication.  but if she won't go, you may have to consider involuntary hospitalization on the basis that it's not safe for your dad to take care of her any more.  And that may well be true.

Hope you have your legal ducks in a row like powers of attorney, that will make hospitalization much easier if it comes to that.  And also hope you've researched memory care facilities in your area.  I've been through this exact scenario with my partner in the last few months (threatened me with a knife, now in memory care).

There are also other threads about safety that your dad should probably read.  He should keep his cell phone with him at all times, identify a safe room he can lock, and have an escape bag packed and in the trunk of the car.  Any guns and most tools and knives should be secured.

Hope this helps, I'm sure others will chime in.  

May flowers

I would make up a fiblet to get her there as others have suggested. Is it possible to call the Geri psych and ask them to call in one dose of some sedative in case she is very combative on the way to the doc?

eapayne1

In addition to the items suggested above, I would also recommend your dad hide keys outside in case he is locked out of the house.  My mother lives with me and my family.  Thankfully, she is not (yet) violent but does have quite a temper as well as a high level of paranoia about people looking in the windows or getting into the house.  We frequently get locked out of the house if we go outside to water the plants, take a walk, etc.  We've also installed a couple of indoor security cams and motion sensors to monitor her activities around the house.

Getting my mom to any appointment is a struggle.  Ultimately, I had to call her PCP's office and explain what we were experiencing.  Fortunately, I was listed on her medical release.  In the end, I scheduled an appointment and fibbed to get her there.  Her reaction was unpleasant, to say the least.  So, when you go, prepare yourself.

Take care.

​fesk

I would just add to make sure the geriatric psychiatrist does bloodwork/UTI test and checks for any physical reasons for the change in behavior too.