Just outside the lion's den

nancyj194

DH was diagnosed in early 2017.  He stopped driving after a serious car accident in 2013.

Alzheimer’s has been a slow steady progression over the years.  The last 4-6 months things seem to be moving a little faster. He still dresses himself commando, in sweatpants and a polo shirt, socks and slip on slippers, brushes his teeth, puts on deodorant, and manages his toilet habits.  He rarely showers. I insisted he take one before we left to stay with/visit my mother last week.  What little hair on his head had not been washed, even though he said he did. 

His body smells of BO, so I am going to see if I can get him into the shower this weekend.  I can smell the spray deodorant in the morning, so he is using that.

At this point, in our 56 years of marriage, I now do all the yard work such as trimming, weeding, fertilizing, taking care of the rose garden and large flower box in front, except for mowing the lawn. The college girl down the street does that. I also do all the housework, laundry, and cooking and cleaning up afterwards. I manage okay, but some days I don’t feel like cooking or cleaning up, but I’m it.  

Today, when we finished shopping at Costco, I bought us lunch of a hotdog and two soft drinks. He’s always loved the hot dogs and soft drinks and wants nothing else.  DH eats so little the last few months; he maybe took three bites of his hot dog and drank a ¼ of his Pepsi.  We bring the food home to eat, as he is very slow at eating.  While I was busy, DH tossed out his drink and mine.  I was so upset, as I never drink soft drinks except for when we go to Costco 2-3 times a month.  I know being upset was pointless, but when there is no one to talk to but myself, I feel so lost. 

DH constantly mumbles and wanders around.  It only bothers me when we are settled in to watch TV in the evening.  It’s difficult to hear what is being said.  He sits with his eyes mostly closed and mumbles all evening. Now and then he does open his eyes and watch the TV. We only watch what he likes, as he gets angry if it is something he does not like.

As the days, weeks, months, years progress, I feel lonelier and more isolated. Our adult married children are close by, but it’s all still on me.

Life is always uncertain, but this isn’t what I thought our “olden” years would be like.

MaryG123

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this Nancy.  Hugs to you.

saltom

Nancy,  my story hasn't been nearly as long or as arduous but certainly can relate to what you are going through.  So sorry you are doing it all by yourself.  The golden years are tarnished, and I haven't found any polish. Hope you find some soon.

KathyF1

I’m so sorry Nancy. I think we can all identify with how you feel. The isolation is terrible, and exhaustion makes everything worse. Could you find someone to do the extra yard work? I am splurging this summer on a yard service. They do it all. It takes a lot off my plate. I hope you can get some help.

White Crane

Dear Nancy, reading your post tugged at my heart.  DH and I have been married for 55 years so we are probably similar in age.  My DH too sits in the evenings with his eyes shut most of the time unless we are watching something that he wants to watch.  If it is something that I want, then he just closes his eyes.  I usually end up turning on something that he wants just so he will open his eyes and watch it.  I don't have a lot of advice for you but I do want to say that I have bought disposable cleansing cloths or bath cloths that can be helpful in keeping him clean.  The kind I bought are from Walmart and there are seven in each package so they provide enough to cleanse the whole body.  They can be warmed in the microwave if needed.  I hope this helps a little.  My DH doesn't like to shower either.  Sending hugs.

Brenda

nancyj194

Good morning, thank you all for your caring responses.  On here, there are so many who have walked in my shoes. None of my friends or family understand. 

Kathy, I may find someone next summer to at least fertilize and treat the weeds. We used to have a lawn mowing service who did trim, mow and fertilize.  They disappeared during the covid year.   There must be some still out there.

White Crane, I will look for cleansing cloths at Walmart. Thanks. They sound like a good alternative to showering. Thanks.

Take care everyone.

NG