DW wants to come home from MC

Norm 22

DW has been in memory care since end of April.  She knows who I am but recently  most of her conversation does not make sense.   Regarding her coming home sometimes I tell her the truth, i.e., she has a medical condition that need specialized help that I can't provide her by myself.   I usually try to delay or defer the conversation but it was difficult today.  No idea what to tell her tomorrow.

sandwichone123

Norm, once you find an answer that works--that defers the upset for a while, use it. You don't need a new one each time, just keep trying until you find one that works and use that.

W.L.

Hi Norm, I'm going through the same thing with my DW. She's been in MC since Christmas eve day 2021. Every time I visit she thinks I'm there to take her home. Like you I tell her because of her dementia and my health I cannot physically care for her anymore. Sometimes she says "Oh, OK" but mostly she cries.

I have no answer to this heart wrenching problem but for now, I just try talking her through it until she can be redirected. Sometimes quickly and others, it seems an eternity.

Prayer does help.

Stay strong.Lee

M1

Right there with you Norm, with us it's so intense that I can't even visit.  Even a FaceTime call--we did one this week--is all about leaving, when can I be with you, etc. etc.  This week we had a (truthful) excuse that I'd been quarantined for covid exposure.

As painful as it is, it helps to know that others are in the same boat.  If you figure out any answers that work, let me know.  I'm not expecting any change, and it just breaks my heart.

DJnAZ

My wife is starting her 10th week in memory care. I think she has forgotten my name but she definitely recognizes me. And the minute she sees me she leads me to her room and begins to gather her bags. She refuses to fully unpack and keeps her things ready to go.

Her situation is different in that she has advanced aphasia that makes communication with her impossible. So it doesn't matter what I might tell her. Her only reaction after seeing me is to say over and over, "...lets go".

The first few weeks in MC my leaving caused her a great deal of anxiety and stress. However, I noticed today as I got ready to leave she seemed a bit more at ease. I hope she is adjusting and I suppose time will tell. At this point she still just wants to go home.

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