bathroom issues(6)

sonnambula

Hello this is my first post and am willing to listen to any/all recommendations for this problem. Has anyone experienced the loved one with dimentia having poop problems? The issue is she seems to some time poop on the floor. She also puts her hands in her poop. Today, I ended up loosing my cool when she had poop all over her hands and was about to put on her hair. I got wet wipes and started cleaning her hands and wrists. She was not all too happy and was upset with me due to my upset tone.

Anyone suffer from this with their loved one and does anyone have any ways to handle it? 

Ed1937

Yes. The best I've found to handle it is to look at the situation from her eyes. Instead of getting upset, try saying "I know this is hard for you, and I'm sorry. But it's okay, we'll take care of it." Keep repeating that it's okay, and everything will be just fine when you're through. I can almost guarantee this will make a big difference in how she acts about it, and that will make it much easier for you. The problem has already been created, and no amount of getting upset about it will change that. Your goal is to make it as easy as possible. Keep smiling, and reassuring her that it's okay. You have to sound believable.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

Welcome to here, as much as one can be due to the circumstances. I'm sorry that you're at your wits end. Fecal incontinence is usually the final cause for placement of those with dementia.

Fecal incontinence, typically aside from medication side effects, is during the late stages of the dementia journey. Going off of her reaction to the situation, she's reached that point if you haven't given it a thought yet.

I've yet to deal with poop problems like that, but I have heard of clothing that makes it difficult to take off. That might be helpful in the short term.

I know poop issues are maddening. Please try and give yourself some grace any time you find yourself reacting poorly, you will have a chance to react differently the next time.

Others will come along and give you some better tips, I'm sure.

Hang in there! You're doing your best.

Ed1937

The clothing referred to above is available through buckandbuck.com

You said "and was upset with me due to my upset tone." Bingo! Read my first post again. Show some empathy.

sonnambula

Thank you for the reply. I will try to see it from her eyes. I don't seem to know how to do that when it comes down to it some times. I know that she has not asked for this and realize that it has to be hard for her as well. Although I think about this after the fact sometimes I just don't know what to do.

I know that I am the one who needs to learn new things and not my mother, but boy do I fall down hard some times.  

Stuck in the middle

It seems to sound less critical when I say "we" instead of "you."  And of course relax as much as possible to keep the annoyance out of my voice.  Tone of voice means far more than words.  

I know it's hard to sound relaxed when you are grabbing one's filthy hands inches from her hair, but we do what we can.

LicketyGlitz

Hoh boy, sonnambula! This might make you chuckle, the first time my sister and I found poop in the house other than in the toilet, we decided that a raccoon must have gotten into the house (through three doors mind you), to poop in that corner of a downstairs room.

Yeah, we we're pretty dementia naive.

A month later we found Mom walking with a handful of her own poop and throwing it in her closet. The raccoon theory went up in smoke.

This continued throughout her journey. Sometimes I think she was uncomfortable with the feeling of pooping and was trying to stop the feeling in her backside as quickly as possible by digging he poop out of her behind. Then she would find herself with this stuff in her hands and not quite know what to do with it, so it usually ended up in a darker spot in the house like the closet floor, or a pair of shoes, or Amazon boxes that didn't get broken down promptly.

We started keeping her on a bathroom schedule, prompting her every couple of hours to go potty, and we also hung out in the bathroom with her, as respectfully and cheerfully as possible, but right next to her so we could hold her hands if they started to wander to her backside. That super helped even though we never caught her every time!

And oh yeah, the poop under the fingernails was the WORST! We got one of those fingernail brushes which helped get them clean, but she hated it. And we kept her nails in good shape with regular manicures so that helped too (although I'm sure the manicurist weren't all that impressed).

You know something funny, after Mom died my sister and I were getting things ready for the estate sale and found some poop nuggets in a stray cardboard box in the corner of mom's room, and it actually made us both go, "Awwww, Mom," as we moved through a super sweet memory. Of poop. Mom's poop.

I guess dementia never stops with the surprises.

I wish the best to you and your mom!

sonnambula

I am sorry that you have lived through this too. I am guessing it is all part of some of our loved ones journeys.  

I hope to improve/learn new skills to make this easier on all of us. I appreciate every response since I was feeling at my wits end and now am able to take a breath and try to be more empathetic and helpful. 

Thank you for sharing your story!

Kibbee

DH has poopcidents now and then.  I just tell him “Hey, you poop, I poop, we all poop, it’s no big deal, and don’t worry because I can clean up a little poop!”.  And then we get on with life.

Ed1937

If you tell her that it's okay, she might say "No, it's not okay". Then you have to tell her it's not her fault, and it IS okay. I had to do that. Her mood was much better than when I got upset, and my stress level was much lower. If you do happen to lose it again, that's okay too. You're human. Forgive yourself, and try to do better next time.

May flowers

Ugh, no fun. We have had a few experiences with this - the worst was once in bed - he had taken off his diaper and had managed to cover himself in poop head to toe. We use the zip back onesies now to avoid that as well as taking off his diaper and peeing too.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

Whenever mom has had a poop catastrophe, I try and make it as much as a non-issue as I can. If it's in her bathroom, I keep her on the toilet with the windows and fan on. I then play some music on their Roku TV (paradise radio it's called. Live radio that pairs pictures with the songs) to keep mom entertained while I clean up and keep her safe/contained (she almost slipped on poop once!). I have her hold the paper towels and hand me some when I need it, so she doesn't feel like she's a burden, that she has a job. Usually works out well doing that. I also constantly tell her it's okay, that we'll get through it together and that I'm glad she's okay. Also share lots of "thank you, I love you." She says it back to me and seems to get better.

I skipped over the bathroom schedule, I apologize. I second Lickety on the bathroom schedule if you haven't already done that. I usually take mom to the bathroom every three to four hours, sometimes six if she's frustrated or doesn't need to go. Some people suggest every two hours. Simply asking doesn't always work, we've had a lot of poop accidents half an hour after asking her if she needed to go.

Mom doesn't always like it when we ask "do you need to potty," so I have played into mom's nurturing side and say something like "mom, I could really use your help with something upstairs. Come with me," and then take her there. Or I say "check out this cool bird outside" and direct her into the bathroom. Sometimes seeing the toilet prompts her she needs to go and she does it without fuss. Sometimes she poops herself while we're trying to get her to sit down. Every day is different and I'm trying to roll with the punches.

If she has no interest in using the toilet or gets agitated and I'm not expecting poop, I leave her alone for us to calm down and try again in an hour or three. Sometimes it's not successful but most of the time it is. For now and I'm glad 

sonnambula

The key is that you are rolling with the punches. It is still something that I am learning to do also. I hope I can learn this sooner so that I am not as frustrated and mom is not frustrated with me.

Thanks for sharing these stories. It has helped!

May flowers

A trick my caregiver uses (she is really sensitive to poop smell, it gags her) is she uses a paper mask and puts a drop of peppermint or other essential oil on it.

It doesn’t bother me as much, maybe because I’m used to farm smells (nothing is worse than a dirty coop, lol)

sunnydove

This journey of losing a parent or loved one is SO hard. Adding all the poop issues just adds insult to injury. I will be in a fine mood until I find a poop burrito and then I just want to scream, cry, and give up. So give yourself some grace. I have a sign in the bathroom right across from the toilet that says "poop, toilet paper and poop wrapped in toilet paper goes IN the toilet" and I still find poop burritos (she wraps the turds in a thin tissue burrito) on top of the toilet, on the floor, in her bedside table, etc. Often I have to follow my nose to uncover them. While it's frustrating and upsetting, I know someday when she is bedbound I will be longing for these days. In the meantime, I keep her nails trimmed because it is impossible to get all that poop out, even with a brush. I also got some disposable gloves because I swear I could smell poop on my hands (even after washing with soap, bleach, scrubbing my own hands with Ajax... I could still smell it - or at least my mind thought it was there). Makes a huge difference to be able to clean her up and whatever poop mess and then be done with it instead of a lingering smell - real or not. And whenever possible I stay with her in the bathroom and watch (while telling a story or something so not like I'm just eyeballing her) so I can say "drop it in the toilet" when I see her trying to harvest a turd. 

Sorry you're going through this. I feel your pain!

Adam1216

My mom has been home with us for 4 months, having been in a memory unit for the last 3 years. Home now, with end stage dementia. 

Confined to her hospital bed, she’s stopped eating,

Yet still poops like a champ.

First time it happened, I’m cleaning up her room, casually picking up the licorice on the floor with my  bare hands...

Then I realize, we don’t have licorice!

Lol. That was fun. 

A few weeks in, I’m still finding ‘stuff’ in strange places.

But, Day by day, a new adventure with my mother awaits...

mommyandme (m&m)

sonnambula,

I’ve been exactly where you are.  I could get oh so frustrated at my mom with her wiping and picking out poop habits. And like you I finally realized that I’m the one that must adjust because she cannot.  I feel like it took me too long to figure that out.  Many said here, “she won’t remember” regarding my displays of frustration, but I fear I’ll feel regret for the rest of my days anyway.  She doesn’t remember (phew) yet I do. Whatever works to approach these situations calmly will help both of you.  

Now I change her poop filled diapers in bed. I wish it was different and easier for all of us.  

mrsabaldwin

Just started with the poop issue. Yesterday my husband called me at work to say mom had something black on her hands, was talking about ghosts, and a gooey black cable on her chair. I said honey that’s poop. He was so grossed out. lol. I got home home and washed her hands, the chair, got her on the toilet and cleaned her up. Then had do a search for the black cable with her help. She realized it was “gone” and settled down. Oh and I changed her TV channel. Hallmark had some kind of ghost love story on that she incorporated into her own story.

Good to know that there are clothing choices that will help with the digging!