Need to Vent with Friends

Faith,Hope,Love

Hi Everyone!  It's been a busy couple of months since I first posted.  I've had to deal with a lot of things I've never dealt with before and I'm tired and grouchy.  I needed a pick-me-up so I thought I would write a post.  You are the only ones who understand me.  Usually DH handles all the things I've been dealing with, but that's impossible at this point.  The car broke down twice (once was while we were just leaving the dealership).  It seems parts are impossible to get and technicians even harder to find.  Each time it took more than a week for repairs.  I did go to our attorney and get a durable power of attorney, living will and a paper naming me health care surrogate.  The attorney explained the paperwork to DH prior to his signing.  It broke my heart and I nearly cried when DH looked at me and said should I sign these?  The garage door broke and of course it was partially open at the time.  So, I taped stuff around it to keep critters out.  DH had turned our garage into a warehouse, so it took a few hours of moving stuff away from the garage door so the repairman would have adequate space to work.  I was able to see some of the things he was hoarding and filled a garbage can with it all.  But, there's a lot more to clean out.  It's a mess out there, and I'd like to be able to park the car in the garage again.  Fortunately I found a man who replaced two rollers, straightened the door since it was crooked, adjusted springs, sold me a door opener for the car (since we lost the one we had) and replaced the button inside the garage to open the door all for $195.00  I thought that was a good deal.  I hope I was right.  I've found Youtube to be invaluable for other repairs.  DH won't allow a handyman to come into the house so for small things I've become the handyman.  For larger things, we'll just wait until I can convince him or he gets to the point where he's obsessed about something else for a change.  We have an elderly cat who is in stage 4 kidney disease so she requires special meds, attention, etc.  She got sick and that didn't help.  Our regular vet (who comes to the house) couldn't visit because her own dog bit her and she broke her arm.  But, she was able to help thru emails and the cat is much better now.

DH's neurologist has been adjusting his Seroquel.  It has helped, and I add melatonin when necessary.  He's up to 50mg twice a day and we're increasing to 75mg as soon as I can pick up the prescription.  He's been having a few angry outbursts so I'm hoping the increase to 75mg will help. He's also going to add a med to hopefully slow down the dementia since he seems to be getting worse pretty quickly.

Well, that's it.  I feel better writing all of this.  Reliving all of this while writing it makes me realize why I'm tired and grouchy.  That was a lot for me personally to go thru.  I'm sure others would have breezed thru this, but I just can't or couldn't. 

Anyways, thanks for listening.  I pray for all of you daily and that our journeys thru this will be easy for all of us.

Quilting brings calm

My loved ones are my parents, not my spouse.  I know it’s not the same, and I am not trying to say it is.  Having said that, taking on extra responsibilities that  someone else used to handle for themselves is indeed stressful.  

In addition, you are dealing with all the extra care your spouse needs and he’s making this  harder by denying you handyman help,  I totally get why you are tired and grouchy 

Faith,Hope,Love

Thanks QBC.  I'm in Florida and the only relatives I have are my sister and niece who live in New Jersey.  They try very hard to understand and I truly love them for that..and know they love me and care about me.  But, until you live with this you just don't have the "first hand experience" to understand the toll it takes.

LosAngeles

Vent away! I can relate to everything you said. Yesterday I used the words grumpy and grouchy to describe myself. Most of the time I can play the cheerful caregiver but some days it's too much. Our elderly dog refusing to eat breakfast yesterday morning put me in a grumpy mood and then everything was irritating. 

Our kitty was 17 when she was diagnosed with kidney disease (the experience of taking her around to different vets to get a proper diagnosis probably helped me be a better advocate for my partner now- some vets said she was skinny because "she's just old" and I did not accept that). We gave her sub-q fluids for 5 years and she had a normal, good quality of life for those years.

My LO didn't want a handyman coming at first but eventually forgot that he didn't want him coming and I'm able to have him do some things- though I still do a lot myself if it's something that requires unskilled labor only. The handyman is a nice guy who is patient with my LO's endless questions. Though trying to be helpful when here to fix the toilet, he mentioned to LO that "you have to hold the toilet handle down for 2 seconds." LO was able to flush the toilet perfectly fine before that, now he gets flustered and wanted me to write down "what the guy said."

Hope today is a better day for you. I'm feeling a lot less grumpy this morning, thanks to dog eating 3 bites. I'm giving dog and LO meds in the morning and assisting both with toileting!

Scooterr

Faith, Hope, Love yes it sounds like you have your hands full, but remember you'll always get through it. It may not be the way you wanted, but you will make it! It sounds like you've become quite the Handylady around the house. I know sometimes it becomes overwhelming, just take one problem at a time. I usually have a list of problems every morning to work on. If I can accomplish one of them during the day,  IT'S A WIN. Hang in there.

Faith,Hope,Love

Hey LosAngeles!  Our cat is 16 years old and has been stage 4 for 3 years now.  She also gets SubQ fluids 3 times a week.  Plus our vet has her taking a probiotic called Azodyl.  She's skinny too, so I have to work with her to get her to eat.  DH used to help, but doesn't help very often.  I think the cat realizes this and doesn't have much to do with him any longer.

Part of me is sorry that you can relate to my post.  But, the other part of me is glad you can.  I just needed to know somebody out there gets where I'm at.  Thanks!!

Jimmarshall51

Can I ask about my mother-in-law who has AD, has a family funded 24/7/365, live in "companion". She is 91, in good health but not good on her feet. Site all day at home in front of tv, no hobbies or interests. She starts calling my wife on telephone at 8:00 am and then every 3 or 4 minutes for hours. My wife is 71 and has beginning stages of dementia, will not turn off the phone, so it goes to Voice mail; all day long. No one will do anything it is driving ME absolutely nuts! Am I being selfish to just unplug the phone for a few hours at a time.  It's exhausting and nerve wracking.

Faith,Hope,Love

Hi Jimmarshall51.  I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  I don't see you as being selfish at all.  I would do the same thing. The phone ringing all day would drive me crazy too.  I've had to take my DH's phone away from him.  It's a fine line we walk.  We need to care for the ones we love but we also need to care for ourselves.  Sometimes it requires unplugging a phone or telling a little fib.  I