Driving issues(1)

Lizzielou

DH has no drivers license but he thinks he does.  His license was suspended when he was referred to the DMV for a safety check.  They wanted him to see a doctor but he refused. 

I have taken his car keys away but it has been weeks now and he is still asking me relentlessly to take him to the car dealer so he can get another key.  That’s all he talks about.  In fact he refuses to go anywhere until he gets a key made.  He is miserable, I am miserable.  I know the issue involves his freedom, independence but with no license he has no insurance.    I have tried distracting him, changing the subject, telling him the dealership is closed, everything I can think of.  He thinks I am a mean unreasonable b——.  

Though he is not formally diagnosed his cardiologist thinks  he probably has FTD.  How can I get him to quit obsessing over this?  He feels that since I won’t cooperate with him, he won’t cooperate with me.  Every day is a battle.   

Quilting brings calm

Blame the drivers license facility and HIM.  Just keep saying the sentences  ‘ the DMV says you have to see a doctor, and you refused.  You have to take a written test, a vision test, and a road test - and that is after you see the doctor.  THEY won’t  let the dealership give you a key until after that - it’s the law’.  

Visit the  dealership yourself and have them put a note in your account that no one except you is to sold, given, etc a key.  Point out that they could be liable if they sold him a key with a suspended  license and no insurance ( true or not).  

I’m sorry that the above will not actually do much to reduce his obsession with the key. 

You might tell him that if he won’t go anywhere with you and he can’t be left alone, then the only thing left is for him to go into a facility.  Maybe that will at least get him to go places with you.  

jfkoc

Lizzie....your post brings back some mempries. I love quilting's post...wish it had been posted years ago!

Quilting brings calm

Jfkoc, thank you for the love.  I’m in a ‘mood’ today so I typed out what I plan to tell my step-dad when his time comes.  Because we have to go the doctor route to get DMV to suspend the  license.   Illinois doesn’t listen to relatives, only  doctors or law enforcement.  Telling him that isn’t going to make him blame me any less, but it will give me plausible denial anyway. He is already in a facility so that paragraph doesn’t count for me. 

JJAz

Constantly show him the notification stating that his license was suspended.  Tell him to look in his wallet at the VOID driver's license (get someone to punch 'void' in the license if necessary.)  Divert his obsession about keys toward licensing.  Blame it on others.  Get on his side of being angry with others, not you.  This may take a while, but this too will pass.

bigfoot2you

This is a daily issue with my DH..............no way can he drive and his license has been voided,  He gets furious with me and really has a fit because I won't give him the keys........one day he ran away to the police station to tell on me.........I feel really bad because I can just imagine his frustration and he gets so upset but nope,  no keys..............Every day we go thru the same thing

Lizzielou

Thank you all for your excellent posts.  I tried “if you see a doctor I will help you get your license back”. I tried “car dealer could be liable if they sold a key to someone with a suspended license” (probably not true).  He doesn’t think his license is suspended .  Bribery and reasoning are not effective.  Took him to the DMV and “they didn’t know what they were talking about”.

Every morning he gets up, gets dressed and wants to go to the car dealer so he can get a new key.  Then we go through every excuse again and he ends up calling me names, says I won’t do anything for him, and am sooooo mean.  Well, I am so tired but I know I have to stand my ground.

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