Just need to vent ...

eapayne1

Today has been stressful.

My mom lives with me and my family. I'm working from home so that I can provide care throughout the day (I am blessed that I am able to work remotely for the time being). 

Today, she doesn't know why she is here and states that she lives with her parents (who have been gone for over 55 years).  She can't find her keys (because they have been removed from her purse and hidden).  She has tried 7 times (so far) to leave and go 'home'.

I don't know how much longer I can manage this.  I'm tired and overwhelmed.

Thank you for letting me vent.

Signed, 

The lady that 'works' here

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I'm so sorry you're going through that. My mom asks to go "home" all the time and it breaks my heart that she's uncomfortable and looking for familiarity.

I know you're just venting, but how does she try to go home? My mom tries to go home by taking her bag or purse and stuffing all her things that she can into it and puts her shoes on. I have found hiding her bags and shoes from time to time has significantly reduced the number of times she has tried to go out the door.

((Hugs)) I can't imagine how I'd get any work done if I worked at home while caring for mom. Hang in there, you're doing your best.

eapayne1

CatsWithHands,

She waits until I'm in the office working and then grabs her purse and sunglasses (she wears her shoes at all times, except for bathing - - which is whole other story). She heads out the front door and attempts to open/unlock her car sitting in our driveway. The key fob is no longer in her purse so she searches her purse again for the missing keys.

We installed door sensors and camera so I know to go outside to bring her back in. Sometimes she comes easily; other times she is belligerent.

It is heartbreaking. It hurts my heart that she has to endure this.

oehlsena

Yep, mom and I go through this seemingly almost every day, sometimes just constantly.  I still have to remember that it is impossible to reason with her.

Arrowhead

For over a year, my wife tried to walk away from the house every day, several times a day. I put alarms on the doors, and she still got out. We always had a fenced-in yard, but never had gates. I finally installed some and started keeping them locked. She continued to try to get out of them every day, several times a day, for another half year. She's finally stopped trying, but I still keep them locked, just in case. I hope you find something that works for you.

Debdg

Well, you could try something like “oh they are fixing a leak at your house. You can stay here for now till the water is back on. It is safe to stay here.”  Something to ease her mind and make it ok to stay for now.

Thephotogrrrl

I can relate to all of the stories here. Except for going home, he ( my father) just wants to get out of the house. He has tried to leave many times, got lost, had to call the police to find him. My mother doesnt have the means or courage to get him into a nursing home, although all of my family told her to do this early on, now its getting worse. He fell trying to leave the house, on the stairs. I talked to my parents today through facetime on my phone, my mother put my father on and could see the injuries on his face, cut up face, dried blood on his nose. My heart is breaking, with hands tied behind my back I just have to watch. (I live in a different state) I know my mother isn't the kindest person either. I just hope hope hope things do not get any worse, but history shows that it very well may. I am trying not to think about it. I can't stand to see them both like this. Its helpful to know other people are dealing with similar issues. It is hard to watch someone you care about feel like your abandoning them or that they need to escape. This is why we are all here, to listen and soothe. Thank you for sharing.

Ed1937

Other than incontinence, wandering might be one of the top reasons people are put into facilities. I'm sorry for anybody who has to try to handle that. Some of them find a way to get out when we think they can't possibly do that. It might help to have an alarm, so when the door opens, it will sound. And there are locks to put on doors, but if there are only two of you in the house, and you fell and couldn't get up, she couldn't get help unless she could use a phone.

​fesk

eapayne1, I understand how stressful working and taking care of a LO can be. I'm sorry you have so much on your plate.

Is there anyway you can have a caregiver during part of the day or she can go to day care? What activities does she have to do during the day while you are working? I wonder if there was a caregiver and structure to her day, it might help improve some of the behaviors.