When the time grows near

loveskitties

My Dad's situation was so much different than most of your LO's, as he was in his 90's when diagnosed.  He was home with my mother 2 years until he had a heart event.  After hospitalization of 10 days he went directly to MC facility, where he stayed for one month before dying.

While he had the usual issues with loss of memory, abilities to drive, use the phone or computer, etc., his time at home while difficult for my mother to adjust to, was relatively good, all things considered.

During the last 40 days of his life, it became obvious that his time was short.  I decided to write his obituary (minus the date of death) while I could do it over days and getting it just right.  I also wrote something to be read at the funeral...about his life and documenting the wonderful man he was.  My son ended up being  the one to read it.

The day after he died, my daughter, son-in-law and one of my adult granddaughters and I went to the local American Legion to have a drink and toast my Dad's service during WW 2.  While we were there, we shared stories he had told each of us about his war time experiences.  I came home that night, thinking that there were so many others who cared about him who didn't have the opportunity to hear them from him.  I wrote it up documenting it from his entrance into the Army...just 18 and off the farm, until he was finally home 2 1/2 years later.  My granddaughter read it at the funeral.

We made copies of both of these tributes to hand out at the funeral and my mother sent copies to distant friends and relatives who could not attend.

The reason I share this is to remind you to document and share the best parts of your LO's life so that is what they will be remember for, and not this terrible disease.

Joydean

Thank you loveskitties for sharing this very important reminder. Sometimes I guess when this disease goes on for so many years that many of us have a hard time even remembering we even had a life before. But of course we did and it is good to remember.

storycrafter

Loveskitties, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. In some ways it's very similar to mine. I happened to think just now to come read a moment here before I retire for the night. For some reason my father has been coming to my mind this evening and I've been grieving hard tonight, with tears off and on. He died 1.5 yrs ago, when things were still in the heart of pandemic isolation. It was a fraught time and some difficult circumstances that continue to haunt me. He too, was in WWII "fresh off the farm," and lived an extraordinary life. He died just prior to his 96th birthday.

Thanks so much for describing a little of how it went for you. No one in my family could make it here and we haven't yet held any public memorial to pay him tribute. We thought we would/will do something later when more of us could make it. It hasn't happened yet. None of us has been able to get behind making it happen. And then more virus surges occur and no one wants to risk the travel. We are all older now and having our own health and aging issues.

It's so good that you and your family were able to do it properly for everyone. I haven't had the strength to do it alone. But reading your account touches my heart deeply. It was the first post I clicked on and was perfect for me to read. My tears flow freely and reading your heartfelt words has helped me heal. Hearing how someone else has handled it with such dignity and grace feels hopeful somehow. Maybe I could write up something to send to everyone at least, even though it's way late.

Thanks again....

Ed1937

Marie, that was beautiful. When my wife passed, one of our daughters did something very similar for her mother. It highlighted her whole life from the time we got married. She had accomplished much in her life, she loved life while helping others, cooking, gardening, and being the glue that held the family together, among many more things. There was no mention of dementia. It was all positive. Thank you for the thread.

storycrafter

Marie, I would love to read your tribute about your father's life that was read at his funeral, if it is something you're willing to share and it's not asking too much. (I tried to see if I could private message you, but could not figure out how to do so; have sent you an invite to connect in the "connections" section.)

My name is Helen.

Thank you!

loveskitties

Helen,

I tried to accept your invitation, but it didn't seem to work.

I am attaching the "word docs".  What as handed out was more formal folder style, which is hard to read unless you print it.

I am not concerned about sharing as these has gone all across the country to family and friends.

My Dad was a super man...he just didn't wear a cape and tights.

storycrafter

Dear Marie, thank you for the wonderful reading of your attached documents.  It was so kind of you to share them. Your father was an extraordinary man indeed. He lived a full and rich life, one of integrity and love for his family. I hope you take comfort in how well you captured his life in your writing. Thank you for your generous heart and for the great example it provides me and my family as we consider how we'll honor the life of our father. ~Helen

Battlebuddie

Dear Marie, 

   Thank you for sharing your documents and for the topic. I got a very vivid picture of your dad and the kind of man he was from what you wrote. It really wasn’t that long, but you packed so many aspects of his life into your words. Good job. 

    I think about what I want to say at my husbands funeral. For a long time I was kind of writing it out in my head: how I wanted it to sound , and what was important about his life. I’ve thought about it so much that I pretty much have it memorized. 

   I’m a terrible public speaker so would have to have it all written out, and I can also get one of my brothers read it if I just can’t handle it on the day. I like your idea of giving out copies. I would need copies in both Spanish and English so that would work well too.

Jo C.

Dearest Marie, that was beautiful; thank you for sharing.   It was a meaningful, loving honoring of his life.

I wrote a story eulogy for my dear mother; it covered her life, but was not able to read it and had to have my brother do it; if I tried to read it, I knew I would be in big snuffling tears and not able to speak; it was as you did; honoring my dearly beloved.

Big hug Marie, you did awesome!

J.

Annen1014

That's an excellent reminder. I am making a photo album of best memories, and I have been trying to write his memoirs. He has had an exciting life, born in Budapest in 1937, living through bombings and Nazis and Communist, separated from family

 in a boarding school for three and a half years, coming to the US as a teenager, discovering at 70 that his family had been Jewish and never told him. And there are really good stories connected with each stage of his life so far. We're working on adding more memories together.