New to Caregiving(2)

MadLady

My husband and I are new to caregiving and my mom in law just took off down the street in a coat in 90f weather saying she needed to be with her people and heading to the home of a member of her congregation. We're in a bit over our heads and need help. Please if anyone has any advice, it's greatly appreciated. She was just diagnosed this year and is mid-stage.

Miss Iris

Oh no sorry this is happening!  Does she know where she is going? And actually is going to a known person's home?  I would just go along with what she says as reasoning may not work.  So maybe tell her you agree that she needs to be with her people but they all agreed to come see her at her home so she needs to go back home and wait for them.   Fibbing is going to be your new language.  Like when my aunt would say she wanted to go home I would tell her that we would as soon as the sun came up because I was too afraid to drive in the dark (which was a lie because we were already home).  Or when she refused to eat, I would heat up her food and tell her "but you just asked me to heat up a plate for you" and she would just say "Oh I did? okay" and she would eat. You may also want to put bells on your doors as she will try to leave the house again and you don't want her leaving without you knowing she has walked out.   We used to put chairs in front of doors as to make it a little more challenging and time consuming and also noisy if my aunt tried to get out.   Print a recent picture of her with her info on the back in case she does leave and can't be found, the photo can be given to police.  That's an immediate call to police for a missing person.  Maybe a bracelet too with a contact number if she will wear that.  If she tends to grab that coat a lot, put a note in a pocket with her info.   Best of luck to you guys.  Hope she gets back home safe.

sandwichone123

Welcome, MadLady! Others will have better information about the escaping, but I'll talk about the coat. One key to keeping everyone calm is to simplify. Anything your MIL doesn't need right now should be put away. People with dementia do get cold, so keeping a sweater or light jacket available through summer makes sense, but pack up all the unneeded out of season clothing that just makes too many decisions.

One main trigger that causes people to place their loved one is when they start escaping. Now might be a good time to start looking at facilities in your area.

Arrowhead

My wife would try to walk away from the house every day, several times a day, for over a year. I finally realized that, although our yard is fenced in, it didn't have gates, so I installed some and I keep them locked. You may be able to come up with a similar solution. Also, I recently found a device on Amazon that keeps her from opening the door. When in use, no one can get in unless they are let in. I attached pictures. Good luck.

JC5

I’ve been trying to navigate the ups and downs of my husbands VD diagnosis 2 years ago. He gets angry and frustrated when he can’t remember things. I’ve been trying to help him be as self sufficient as possible by gentle reminders, notes, being there when he tries to work the iPad etc but he gets angry about my having to do this. Thus sometimes I end up getting upset which I know is not helpful. How do you cope with there daily struggles? I feel like a failure!