Vacation and AL

phillymccole

Hi! 

Next week we are taking my mom on vacation to the beach. It’s usually (predisease) her happy place. She has been living in AL for about 1.5 months.  I’m a little nervous about causing the disruption but more so about returning to AL.  Any advice on how to help with the transition back to AL? 

Thanks!

dayn2nite2

Not a good idea.  Go on your vacation and let her continue to settle in at AL.

Ed1937

I think dayn2 nailed it. You might be looking for trouble taking her out.

towhee

Whether this will work depends on your LOs condition. When was the last time she traveled and stayed somewhere for a week? How did she do? How long ago was that? What is she able to do in AL? Does she have any incontinence, can she find her room and bathroom on her own? Any physical issues, any anxiety, what does the staff think? Be prepared that she is likely not to have the same level of competence in a new location.

As to returning, try not to be anxious, she will pick up on it. Let her rest on the trip, it will tire her out more than you know, and you don't want the staff of AL to get the brunt of it.  

[Deleted User]

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Quilting brings calm

I don’t remember your mom’s current condition and what prompted the move to AL. 

So I can’t comment on how disruptive she will be during your vacation or how your vacation will disrupt her acclimation to the AL.  Has she settled in there yet?  I’ve read that it takes 3-6 months for new residents to settle in - even if they don’t  have dementia.  

If you are determined to take her on vacation, I think the best way to get her to accept going back is to: pick her up directly from there and drop her back directly there on your way to/from the beach. Do not bring her to the family home at any time during the trip.  Consistently refer the the AL as her home, her apartment, etc.   

Plan on it not being a pleasant day when you return her to the AL.  It will be even less pleasant than the day you moved her in. 

Just a note:  I will never  take my parents out of the AL  on vacation as I do not want to deal with issues just like this one.  I tried taking them for dinner a few times.  Now I only take them to the doctor or other necessary appointments.  My step-dad still goes to the grocery store and they occasionally meet friends for lunch.  Both of those errands are stressful for my mom( the one diagnosed).  She uses a walker, he should but doesn’t.  I cannot physically help them if they fall.  

Fairyland

In my LO case, 1.5 months would have been much too soon to take her out for overnight.

If you do go, maybe on the last day or so don’t do their best liked activities, meals etc so that returning may be more of a pleasure?

My LO was thrilled to be returned to her formerly despised AL after a stint in rehab hospital, and I think the inferior food and boredom’s played a big part.

MN Chickadee

I personally wouldn't do it, but assuming you go through with it: think of her worst days and assume the week will look like that, possibly worse. Being in a new place takes a lot out of a PWD and they can lose ground with cognition. She may not function the same, find the bathroom the same, be able to be happy and light hearted. Just be ready for that and be pleasantly surprised if she does well. You might want to bring a door stop alarm or something for nights to make sure she doesn't elope not knowing where she is. 

As for returning to AL I would do it as early in the day as possible, you don't need sundowing coming into play returning in the evening. I wouldn't even discuss it, just say you are taking her home as you depart the vacation. Pull up to the AL, help her out. If she says she doesn't live here or resists it I would just go along with it but find the right fib to get her in. Say ok but we are stopping here for lunch, or we have an appointment here etc. Once you get her in the staff can help, and a rest may be in order. Unless it has a staffing ratio like MC where they can attend to her anxiety, plan to spend some time there upon the return since she may have a hard time. You might like having something nice to leave with her when you have to go. A treat, stuffed animal, magazine etc. 

Rescue mom

By the time my mom got settled in AL, she was very distressed and unhappy when she left it. New places did not work for her. She needed familiar routines.

My DH has Alzheimer’s now, and the last two trips I made with him to our “happy place” were nightmares for us both, although he said beforehand he wanted to go. 

I expected he would function like he did at home. He did not, he was much much worse, unable to do many things he did fine with at home, including toileting, dressing, eating…pretty much everything, even the most basic abilities, were lost.

I was totally not prepared for that. I was physically and emotionally exhausted after a day, he was very upset at being in “new” (we’d been many times) surroundings. And remember, he’d said he wanted to go. If other people had been there to help, it might have been easier for me, but can’t say about him.

If you do take her, please remember—someone else said it already above—she may be much worse, and unhappy, when she’s “away” than in her usual surroundings and routine.

JDancer

Phillymccole, Please let us know how your trip turned out.