Frustrating Week OMG - I just want it to be over.

Olly_Bake

Dad is doing well since the three hard battles this year where each time we thought he would be gone. His mental health has improved enough where home health graduated him today from having severe mental ability loss to moderate. He also has graduated from puree food to soft foods. 

There is a but where I am torn. In May he had the hip pinning surgery after falling out of the bed at the nursing home. At times I wonder if it was successful because he never regained the ability to walk and he is in constant pain. His hip and knee. I can really tell it is at a ten when trying to move him to get out of bed or turn him in bed. 

So now I wonder if I should see if he needs something corrected with the hip or knee or go to inpatient therapy. Inpatient therapy is what the home health nurse recommends. Home x-rays were requested but the doctor wants us to bring him in instead. We go the x-rays tomorrow.  

The other situation. Now that things have improved, he is refusing to use it in the diapers first and second. I mean he is keeping the diaper on thankfully but is demands to use the potty. If I try to ask him to handle the old way or can't get him up, he is holding it in. Now I'm like don't cause yourself constipation. We have the urinal but no one in the area has a bedpan. Now I'll order that and see if he will use.

Today he called for his daughter that lives here to come help and she did not move. I pleaded with him to just use the diaper and I would immediately clean him. I'll mess up the bed if you don't get me to the potty he says. I tried to console saying we would take care of everything. 

I've been able to get him up some but when it is time to get him back in bed it's hell because he is afraid of falling and starts freaking out on you and starts leaning back instead of coming up. 

If we get the leg close, he would still need supervision. The aid they brought in last week to help me has been great so far but she leaves at 8 in evening.

Then today my brother decides he wanted to put his hands on me because he wants to me to gift this and that of dads or have dad pay for things other want for the home. I tried to explain medicaid rules and remind of guardianship rules. I thought I had found a workaround where all would be happy but he was just not having it. Grabbed me and shook me until he got my phone out my hand because he thought I was recording. Called me the b word over and over.

So this week and today instead of enjoying being with my dad I am miserable and can't wait to get back to my home. It is a sad day. Dad thinks I am angry and upset at him and keeps telling me don't be mad at me baby. Don't be mad. Sorry about the mental drain dump.

May flowers

Wow, what a nightmare, especially with your brother’s reaction. Did your sister also witness that? 

The toileting issue is a problem for sure. My DH is the only one who can physically put my FIL on the toilet - the rest of us have to use the lift to bed for a change. He does not fight the lift and seems a lot less nervous with it than trying to stand. I wonder if one reason your sister is hesitant to respond to him for the reasons you described with your dad panicking during the transfer. How does the caregiver do with it?

Not going in a diaper is one of the reasons I think my FIL retains urine during the day. His prostate med (I recently switched to a natural prostate supplement) is working great so that he’s voiding during the day. Is it possible he has an enlarged prostate and has trouble going unless on the toilet?

Good luck on the X-ray tomorrow. I can’t imagine putting him through another surgery if he’s already immobile. Maybe there is something they can do that is not invasive. Could the pain be from laying in one position too long? I have to give my FIL pain meds in the morning about an hour before moving him, as his legs are so stiff from laying in one position all night. 

Olly_Bake

Yes my sister was there and saw and heard anything. I’ve gotten the hand of the lift to change the bed out but still have trouble with using it to get from bed to wheelchair. When home health showed me they said put the wheelchair across the room and then bring him to the chair that way. Last week, I tried to see if I could do it with the wheelchair closer to the bed. And the dang lift just kept hitting and not manuverinig like expected. So I was like back to the bed. It looks so risky pulling him across the room in the lift.

I don’t know if my sister is hesitant to respond for those reasons because I have seen her respond to dad’s call when the aid is there and had trouble getting him back in bed. The aid said she knew how to use the lift but a camera view also showed she will need training. So the aid can help him get out of the bed but struggle with getting him back in as well.

[MayFlowers: Is it possible he has an enlarged prostate and has trouble going unless on the toilet?] I am unsure because this development started this week. The pain issue had been going on for about three weeks.

The home health nurse does think the pain could be from staying in one position too long. He hold that leg twisted most time until you say let’s change position and try to help him stretch it out. He goes to getting very angry saying leave the leg alone. I will ask the doctor for a pain med today. Doctor had been very against sleep aids and pain meds saying will cause problems with memory issues. Well time to get on the road.

Thanks for responding!

SusanB-dil

Oh, my - you are dealing with enough. brother has no right to lay a hand or treat you that way at all!  and if he was 'afraid you were recording', he knew he was doing something wrong.

Hope doc can give something to relieve the leg issues.  Keep us posted.

eapayne1

Sending you a virtual hug. I'm sorry that, in addition to managing your father's care, you have family dysfunction as well.

{{hugs}}