Wife doing better in MC all the time

billS

I hesitate to share this since some others have spouses who are unhappy in MC. But I guess I'm one of the lucky ones as my wife adjusted right away and has never complained or questioned why she is there. She has been at least content if not downright cheerful the entire six months she has been there. But I was bowled over seeing her so at ease and happy the other morning. After taking her to her room to arrange fresh flowers in her vase, we walked around in the courtyard, then sat down with other residents. She has really been enjoying her toy puppy, and when group activities started Fern really got into it. She was cheering on the others as they did ring toss or successfully caught a ball, and when she succeeded in ring toss herself she pumped her fists in the air and gave a Woo! Woo! Then some nice big band music started and she was really feeling the rhythm. It was so great to see her so happy, it is such a lift for me as I am so often missing her so much. A short video at this link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1sUUhg6s1e2aLX46e_7AIAAuLDr88zUnV/view?usp=sharing

M1

That's great to hear Bill, I know it must validate all you've been through. It's good to hear the good experiences.

MaryG123

How wonderful BillS!  Thanks for sharing a lovely image.

Stuck in the middle

That's very encouraging.  Thank you so much for sharing some good news.

Cherjer

So happy to see this wonderful video. I am now looking at board and care And larger facilities for my husband as our plan b. Bills,,,is your wife in a large facility?

billS

Cherjer wrote:

So happy to see this wonderful video. I am now looking at board and care And larger facilities for my husband as our plan b. Bills,,,is your wife in a large facility?

I would say it's a smaller facility. There are five buildings with a maximum of 15 residents each, surrounding a common courtyard.

Vitruvius

I am very glad for you that your wife is doing so well. My wife is probably about the same stage. You may have seen my posts about my difficulty securing a MCF for her. I can only hope I can find a place as well suited for her as you have.

jmlarue

Such a lovely lady with a radiant smile. Thanks for sharing the video with us. For all of us still struggling with the placement issue, it's like seeing an oasis in the desert.

Jo C.

Bill, I so enjoyed the video of  your lovely wife, Fern; the purchase of that little dog continues to be a great hit, I see.   She seems to be very content and engaged in her setting; that is a true blessing.

You are a wonderfully supportive and loving husband, she is also blessed to have you by her side.

J.

Joe C.

Bill, It is really great when the placement goes so smoothly, I have had the same experience. I need to figure out how to post a video, I often find DW dancing during the music activities.

Ed1937

Bill, what a great video! It's really uplifting to see that some people can actually thrive in MC. Thanks for posting.

billS

Joe C. wrote:

Bill, It is really great when the placement goes so smoothly, I have had the same experience. I need to figure out how to post a video, I often find DW dancing during the music activities.

Thankyou everyone for the kind replies. Joe, I uploaded the video to my Google Drive. There you can click on "share" and specify whether it is private or in my case set sharing to "Anyone with the link can view or download." To make the video file smaller I first use a free program called "Handbrake" to reduce the file size for faster uploading.

Faith,Hope,Love

Thanks for sharing the video.   She truly looks very happy.  I'm so happy for you!!!  It gives me hope.

Faith,Hope,Love

I've watched your video a couple of times and keep thinking about it.  My husband has FTD and the neurologist says he is probably mid to late stage.  He's not at the point to where I'm ready to consider MC yet.  He's still functioning pretty well.  But, I've always felt when the time came I would keep him at home no matter what.  I guess I've always based it on what I would want, not what would be best for him.  But, now I'm rethinking that.  He's a very social person and likes interaction with people.  Seeing how happy Fern is makes me realize that these decisions need to be made based upon the individual as well as the care they are needing along with the numerous other factors that come into play.  You opened my eyes, my mind and my heart to view this differently.  Thanks so much!!

nancyj194

Bill, thank you for sharing the sweet video of your DW and the cute "dog." 

The facility she is in seems to be working out well. 

My plan is to search for something similar in my area, for when we need it down the road.  

Take care,

jfkoc

Thank you for sharing.... did you and Fern dance a lot???

billS

jfkoc wrote:

Thank you for sharing.... did you and Fern dance a lot???

No, we never danced but Fern played piano and organ from a young age and loved music.

courageous heart

That is wonderful to hear, as I am thankfully in the same situation with my husband.  He has been in MC since November.  He loves everyone and I am very pleased.  But I still find it very difficult accepting he is there, especially since he is in great shape physically.  I just wondered how often you visit your wife and if you take her out.  I have been taking him out to go for a lunch, to visit our children, etc. and always wonder if that makes it more difficult for him, as he just loves being with me and can’t understand why I don’t stay with him.  He never gives me a difficult time returning.  Just would like your thoughts…

billS

courageous heart wrote:

That is wonderful to hear, as I am thankfully in the same situation with my husband.  He has been in MC since November.  He loves everyone and I am very pleased.  But I still find it very difficult accepting he is there, especially since he is in great shape physically.  I just wondered how often you visit your wife and if you take her out.  I have been taking him out to go for a lunch, to visit our children, etc. and always wonder if that makes it more difficult for him, as he just loves being with me and can’t understand why I don’t stay with him.  He never gives me a difficult time returning.  Just would like your thoughts…

I visit Fern every other day, usually only for an hour or so to check her room, help her brush and floss her teeth, sometimes I give her a warm water foot soak and massage and pedicure, shoulder massage, and take her for a walk around the courtyard where we share a snack. After that she often starts dozing off. Or if there is an activity she gets involved and I sneak away. I try not to tell her "I have to leave now" but instead wait until she is distracted or napping. The only times I have taken her out were to doctor appointments and once to a nearby ice cream parlor. That went OK but she seemed a bit nervous and anxious about how we would get back. Also her bladder incontinence makes outside trips problematic. 

Sligo177

Bill,

That is so wonderful to see!  I'm glad your DW is smiling and happy, and love that toy doggie.  I am placing my DH in memory care tomorrow and will do a post about it in a minute.  But, thank you so  much, for sharing some happiness.

billS

Best of luck to you Sligo, I hope the placement goes smoothly. Stay strong!

billS

Oh, one other indicator of how well my wife is doing in MC is her weight gain. The last few years at home she was very underweight, only 95 lbs and 5'5" tall. I fed her big meals full of calorie dense foods and lots of avocados, full-fat dairy, meat, potatoes and pasta dishes. But the best I could do was get her up to around 100#. Now she is around 122#, just about right for her height. At home I think she was burning too many calories from stress, and now she is more relaxed.

courageous heart

Thanks so much for getting back to me, I appreciate the feedback.  Interestingly, I do the same thing when I visit.  It definitely is not an easy road, but we have much to be thankful for.  That being said, I find it very difficult to watch my very intelligent, full of life husband, have to live this way. I find the only way to deal with this terrible disease is to try and stay as positive as possible and take one day at a time.  My husband also gained weight and he was also very well fed.  I never thought of it like that - it makes so much sense.

Wishing you a wonderful day.

DebW41

It's nice to see the facility has activities to engage the residents.  Even a ring toss. Because of staff issues, it seems that the only activities at my mom's place are Bingo or dice games.

I started volunteering to lead "sing-a-longs", typing up large print lyrics and playing the piano. I've come to value this time with the other residents, but I really think my mom gets a little jealous when I do this.

...Just keeping on

Ed1937

DebW41 wrote:

I really think my mom gets a little jealous when I do this.

Next time you play a song, tell everyone "This one's for my beautiful mother", and point to her.

Welcome to the forum. Sorry you need it.