No more solo camping for DH

MaryG123

My DH loves to camp, and we have a little teardrop camper he can set up with or without hookups.  Now that he’s working part time, he usually goes for a two or three night stay each month.  There’s a state forest about an hour and a half from us that is quiet and he can kayak or hike.  He went this Tuesday and was enjoying his stay until today.  He calls or texts me when he leaves the campsite to paddle or walk, and we have location sharing on our phones so I can see where he is.  We chatted this morning, and a friend of his joined him for a paddle on the river, after which he said he was going to take a nap.  That was about 9 am, and he didn’t respond to my calls or texts until calling me at 5 pm.  The location sharing said he was offline.  When he called, he was out of breath and couldn’t speak a complete sentence.  I asked him if he was safe and he said yes, but couldn’t explain where he was.  Thank goodness some of you have explained how you communicate with your loved ones, or I would have freaked out.  I told him to describe what he could see, and he said “the camper, the bathrooms” so I knew he was at the campsite.  I told him to sit in his chair, and we did some breathing, then I had him drink some water.  He became more coherent, but when I asked what scared him he said “The birds are acting strange.”  I wanted to say they aren’t the only ones, but I was near tears at that point. He took a shower and ate dinner then called me back.  He sounded like himself then, except was still struggling for words.  I don’t know if he had heat exhaustion, was drunk (he doesn’t usually drink), or was experiencing aphasia, but it scared both of us.  He told me several times that he wasn’t scared anymore, was safe, and didn’t need me to come.  Tomorrow morning he plans to load up and come home.  I hope he won’t want to go camping alone again after this experience, but I might have to disappear the keys to the hitch lock or send the camper to the “shop” for some work.  I’m sad for him that he will lose this activity that he loves, and sad for me that I will no longer get a relaxing break when he’s gone for a few days.  Time to adapt and change.  Thanks for letting me dump on you.

saltom

Mary G.  I am impressed with the way you handled your husband and helped him regain his senses and awareness.  It must have been terrifying for you to think of him wandering alone as well as scary for him.  I'm sorry you both must give up this activity.  Would he consider camping with a friend for a few days so you can still get your rejuvenation time?  Good luck to you both.

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Fairyland

Hi Mary G,

Just to add, my aunt only allows my uncle 87 to go to his camp with a friend now, he is only physically impaired but she afraid her will have a fall. He goes once  a week, on Tuesday (and she gets a break! His many ailments are hard work for her).

Good job dealing with that crisis.

Ed1937

I'm glad you remained calm during that scary time. It would be a shame if he had to give it all up. I'm sure it's a good release for both of you. Hopefully it was not a medical issue, and maybe he can have someone else pick him up and go with him from now on.

MaryG123

Thank you all for your concern. DH is safely home and we have an appointment with the doc.  I see no ill effects of his episode but expect it is signaling a new stage.  He agreed that he won’t go camping alone anymore, and I offered to go with him once the weather cools off.  Your support helps so much!

JDancer

I must agree with Victoria. You may find a work around for the camping, but driving should stop, immediately.

It's hard to take away the keys, but it's harder to live with the aftereffects if he gets in an accident.

MaryG123

Yes, you are right. Thank you.

Daughter of a Marine

Mary, I can so relate to what you describe here - our kids did a sort of gentle "intervention" with me to express their concerns about their dad driving at this point. He is a former truck driver and has always been an extremely safe driver, typically under the speed limit, but they expressed concern that if he becomes confused while driving, even locally, it could be catastrophic and could carry heavy liability.  I have been slow to accept this since taking away the keys means he can no longer "pond hop" at local fishing spots, run to the store or post office for me, drive himself to our kids' house, etc.  His freedom to do these things, and mine to enjoy a break from constantly monitoring him at home, are just another casualty of this cruel disease. In the past 12 months or so, I've seen significant decline in both his short term memory and in his confusion.  I'm struggling to accept that the way things were even 12 months ago is gone and we will never live that life again.  I'm praying for acceptance and for the ability to laugh together when he comes downstairs wearing my clothes.  It was a little more difficult to find any humor when I asked him to grab a spice out of our pantry and he asked me where that was (after 40 years of living in this house).  It feels like reliving loss of him day after day.  I'm so grateful for you all and am so sorry that you're also walking this road.  May God bless and help us all.

harshedbuzz

Piling on to the driving.

I hope your DH's doctor is willing to be proactive around this. It could potentially make your life a little easier if you could be the ally-spouse who validates his frustration at the unfairness of it all instead of the license-police. Dad was one tough customer and I think we would have had to seek a secure facility sooner had this not been the case.

My mom did not attend to her own health as well as she should have in the last year of dad's health. I was making sure they got to their many MD appointments, but mom was depressed and pre-emptively stopped refilling 3 important prescriptions which landed her in the ER twice in the 12 weeks after dad died. The second time she had a BP issue that destroyed one of her optic nerves which made her legally blind in one eye. I did ask the resident at the eye hospital about driving and he said she'd be fine. Only she wasn't. She lost her depth perception and caused 2 rear-end collisions within the space of 60 days. 

Fortunately, no one was killed but one woman was injured badly enough to go to the ER and caused over $200K in damage in totaling both her cars and 3 others. Because mom does not have dementia, her insurance company covered her. They would not cover dad if he was driving AMA or with a diagnosis of dementia, btw, I asked their agent.

The woman who went to the ER did sue her and settled out-of-court. But the process, during COVID-times, took 18 months during which time a PWD would likely have declined considerably. It was hard enough to go through this experience with my cognitively OK mom-- dad would have been another matter entirely. 

HB

MaryG123

Thank you for your sympathy Daughter Of A Marine. They suffer from the disease, and we suffer from watching their descent.  My DH and I can still laugh sometimes at how my brain plus his brawn make almost a whole person.