Love is still strong

RobertsBrown

For the last few weeks she has been so cute.  There are still the accidents and messes, and the inability to do basically anything, but there have also been smiles.

The smiles that pull all her lines tight and give her the face of bright young thing.  She jokes with me, and pokes me when I walk by, and then laughs at her prank.  Nearly anything I do to get her to smile has worked, and she has been my dear, dear love.  She reaches for my hand when we walk.  She reached for my hand when we sit. If I leave the room for a minute, she is up and looking for me.  What was annoying is now endearing. 

In an embarrassed panic when she wet herself, she looked me right in the eye and asked me why this was happening to her.  She thought I would have an answer.  The answer.

I tell her that I don't know why.  It's just where we are now, and we can get through it together. She seems to believe me, and accepts that that cold comfort, and tolerates my work to get her cleaned up and sorted out. It's not enough, and things are strained for awhile. Then we thaw out and find something to laugh about.

I know for a fact that before long I will wish I was back here again, in this all too brief sunbeam... that this will become a memory of 'when it was good'.

Mint

Enjoyed your thoughts, thanks for sharing.

Arrowhead

Your wife sounds a lot like mine. She was diagnosed 6 years ago and is now in stage 6. She has always been a loving person and most of the time she still is. She does go through short periods where she gets belligerent and angry about things and I never know why. The rest of the time she loves everyone, including me. I had to start putting her in diapers a couple of months ago and it doesn’t seem to bother her. I’m often afraid that the good times will come to an end and bad times will take over. But for now, I’m enjoying what I can for as long as I can. Good fortune for both of us. 

Ed1937

Great post, Roberts. Love shines through.

Hoot619

Your post brought tears to my eyes. You are so fortunate to have that with your LO. I wish I could say the same. It's getting harder and harder for me to accept what is happening here.

storycrafter

Thank you RB, for your eloquent post. I greatly appreciated reading it. You paint a picture of what your time together is like and I can see it, hear it, and feel it. Your love shines through and she is so fortunate you are with her. Here's a hug from me. ~Helen

ImMaggieMae

RB, thank you for posting this. Your love for her shines through even though your life has changed along with hers. My DH and I are in a similar place right now. Things seem to be improving for the time being and there are smiles again, many examples of empathy which had disappeared a long time ago. He’s having less problems swallowing and is open to a lot more foods, which makes my job of cooking for him easier. He tells me he loves me without me saying it first, holds my hand, and there seem to be small improvements in memory here and there, even though he’s somewhere around stage 6. Not sure if this is due to tweaks in medications or my learning to stay calm and accept where we are. But life is calm these days and I enjoy being with him.  I hope it stays this way for a very long time.

saltom

Thank you so much for your post. It is so important to be reminded of the good things that hang on and make life bearable and cherished.

rlpete

RobertsBrown, 

I so understand your post and find it so loving and cute. My wife isn't as far along as many here but I know she is slipping. It isn't day to day but definitely week to week. It hurts me so much. She also asks why her? I have no answer. Just the "unluck" of the draw. We have two friends who died this year in their 60's from cancers so they didn't get a good draw either. 

However though it all I still see the person I loved and married. She still makes the funny comments and tells me she loves me. Everything is so hard. 

Thank you for your post. 

Vitruvius

Your post struck quite a nerve with me. My DW is in a similar stage, 6e. She is still most often quite pleasant.  She tells me she loves me the very first thing every morning. I try to enjoy our time together and mostly I do. Yet I am moving to place her in an MCF. Part of me would like to care for her until the end. I am not bothered by the many things I have to do to care for her, individually that is. It is the absolute relentlessness of it all. The need to attend to her almost every-single-minute. It is crushing me and my health is suffering. 

I also know that the time will come that I will look upon my days here with her as still part of our "good" times. I am sure that I will live with regret, and guilt, for not being strong enough to bear it all until the end. Placement or care by me until the end, either way my remaining life is a shambles. 

I admire vey much your positive attitude and your commitment. It speaks volumes about your character. 

Jo C.

RobertsBrown, I so deeply felt what you have written; it is a sweet, dear and poignant writing. Thank you for sharing and if it is alright with you, I would like to send it on to someone else who is in a challenging position right now.  I send warmest of thoughts and for continued blessings to find you.  What a very good example for all of us and in reminding us . . .  

J.