still here

joytoy

Ive written about anger, guilt, needing to get away  and I did get away for 10 days.  Had a wonderful trip with daughter and grand sons.  Seen beautiful country in Oregon.  Seen son I havent seen in 4 years.  So yes it was wonderful but now Im back .  Took LO a couple days to calm down.  He gets very upset when Im gone.  Thinking I left him for another.  I ask myself why did I come back.  I dont have an answer for that.  I have plenty of family who wants me to leave.  I dont owe this man anything other than friendship and help.  His family is totally worthless.  If they were there for him I would leave. I want so badly to get on with my life.  I am 71 with heart problems.  This will eventually kill me and then his kids will put him in a resthome.  So you ask why do I stay.  I dont know.  Is it guilt for leaving him behind. You probably think what a wonderful person I am.   No not that.  Many times I wish him to have a sudden stroke or heart attack and all my troubles would be gone.  I cry today for myself not him.  So you see Im not that good of a person.  But I still cant leave him alone and afraid.

KathyF1

Well I think you ARE wonderful because you ARE caring for him. So give yourself some credit, this is hard for all of us and a huge sacrifice of our own lives. See yourself for who you are, someone who is choosing to care for a person who desperately needs you. God will honor your choices.

Joydean

Joy toy , asKathy said you are a good person. You are there for your partner, you don’t have to but you are. It’s not a easy road but you’re there anyway. So glad you had a good time with your son and grandson. They need you too! Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Gig Harbor

Joy you are a good and caring person. Another way to look at this is if you died tomorrow his family would place him and he would do OK. Maybe not as well as with you but he would be fine. You would be able to enjoy your family and they deserve your time and will be grateful for it. Don’t feel guilty! At 71 you deserve happiness too. Please think about placing him.