See a lawyer right after diagnosis

Crushed

Over the years we have had many people explain how they had handled a dementia spouse for 3 or 4 years and now feel overwhelmed.  I really really hate to nag but dementia of any kind is  almost always  a complete familial financial disaster

You need legal help and you need it right away  Do not wait dither prevaricate delay or otherwise put off getting legal help.   

  beyond finances there are also control and hazard issues. 

Please see a lawyer right away for your own mental health

jmlarue

Excellent advice that bears repeating. Thank you for saying it one more time.

LadyTexan

I absolutely agree. I engaged an experienced elder law attorney. 

At first I was reluctant due to our limited financial resources. The money was well spent and the benefits far exceeded the cost.

It was worth every penny and then some. The peace of mind I gained was priceless. 

Faith,Hope,Love

Thanks for the post Crushed.   I saw our attorney a few months ago and got a POA, a Living Will and Healthcare designation paperwork completed for DH.  I hate to sound ignorant, but is there more to it than that?  What can an attorney do with regards to finances?  I'm new at dealing with this so I'm open to any and all advice.  Thanks!

Ed1937

FHL, since Crushed might not be on the forum for a while, he might not see your post, so I'll just say that a CELA (certified elder law attorney) should be able to advise you on how to properly title any assets you have. He/she can draw up trusts for you, which can protect many assets from being lost due to costs incurred from this horrible disease, or other situations.. You might be advised to change beneficiaries on life insurance policies. A CELA is required to be up to date on changing laws in your state, and each state has similarities and differences. It is money well spent. Others might have more to say on this.

Crushed

aim at Frankfurt Airport on the way home

Good elder care lawyers 

1) are medicaid and Social security disability  qualification experts
2) Know exactly how to quietly stop the LO from spending 

 3) can negotiate with creditors  which your LO may have taken on in failing mental state
4) know how to deal with recalcitrant LTC companies

  5) handle blended family issues
ETC 
 

Hoot619

I wish I had gotten the CELA sooner, as usual I put it off.  If I had did it my DW would be in MC already.   My thinking was I will always take care of her at home. I didn't listen to others on here and also friends that have experienced what we are going thru.  It comes to a point that nothing works for our LO.  We try harder but it just doesn't work..  Also he covers every thing that has to be done.  I also got peace of mind for a change    Hoot

Michael Ellenbogen

I think it should be sooner. In my case it would have been nice to see a lawyer before my diagnose so I did not lose the job and other things I paid for.

Fairyland

Michael that is so true.  I have already told my newly adult children that we ALL need to get our affairs in order, so that our families can help us better if misfortune hits.  Everyone thinks it won’t happen to ME, if they even think about it at all. They and DH think I am a doomsayer.

ImMaggieMae

Great advice, Michael. Thank you for posting that.

Stuck in the middle

Doomsayer?  It takes only one blow to the head to make anyone a PWD.  Every adult should have POAs in place.  DW and I set up a trust and POAs many years ago, and update them every five years.  Since her diagnosis, she no longer has my POA, of course.

JoseyWales

I could not agree MORE with seeing a lawyer sooner than later. Immediately after DH was diagnosed, we updated wills and POAs. I then went to an elder law attorney by myself and laid out everything we had out. She had some really good advice for me at that time, which put me in a good spot 6 years later when we were applying for Medicaid. 

I firmly believe that knowing what to expect and making a plan makes life easier.

Crushed

When our children were born we developed our first family financial /legal plan. 
We updated it regularly. 

 The family trust was created after DW's dementia diagnosis 

As part of my pension fight with OPM for DW I realized  she would never qualify for Medicaid . Unlike assets, income cannot be shifted

Birth of 5 grandchildren also required planning.   

Faith,Hope,Love

Thanks!!  You've all given me a better understanding of what a CELA does and why I need one.  I can see some holes in my planning already.  I will definitely be looking for one in my area.

jfkoc

I agree with crushed and do review all financial and medical documents. Every one needs to have these in place not just someone who is ill.

abc123

Crushed, thanks for saying it again! 

I hope you had a great trip and plenty of relaxation.