Lucky Me

Karl38

My wife has AD and we are about 4 years down this road.  She no longer cooks or does bills and she has given up driving.  Her memory is terrible but she still does laundry and doesn't wander.  She has been told she has AD but it goes right by her.  Her personality has not changed and she is in good spirits.  I don't think she believes she is any different now but she is.  She could not live alone.

When I read all the posts here I almost feel guilty that I am having it so easy.  I keep expecting something bad to happen but nothing so far.  Are there others out there seeing a similar experience?

Iris L.

It sounds like you accept her where she is and don't overwhelm her.  I hope she continues to be in good spirits.

Iris L.

MaryG123

So sweet Karl38, she’s lucky too!

M1

Don't feel guilty Karl, just enjoy it while you can.  These are precious days.  There will be an inevitable downturn--hard to know what or when.  You talk of her doing laundry reminds me of the days when my partner started not being able to tell detergent from softener, etc.--those things will likely eventually show up.  We had a wild one when she put furniture polish in the dish soap dispenser, and when she would try to clean glass surfaces with laundry soap, etc.  Some smeary messes.  Reading about what goes on in other folks' journeys can just help you be prepared for what may be down the road.  But I'm glad things are relatively smooth sailing for now.

Ed1937

Karl, my wife was much like yours for quite some time. I knew I had it much easier than others here. Then she got to the point where she was disagreeable and tried leaving several times. I kept her home for quite a while, but she finally went into MC. Enjoy all the time you can with her. You just don't know what's around the next corner.

Arrowhead

My wife is 2 years further along and is a lot like yours. She has had difficult moments, but for the most part she is not very difficult to deal with. I have also wondered why I have it so easy, but I do not feel guilty about it and neither should you. We both need to realize that all this can change and that someday we might have it as rough as so many others do. Let’s enjoy it while we can.

Stuck in the middle

Karl, my wife is about the same in terms of function, but knows she has AD and says she is glad to have me keep her from doing "dumb things."  Like you, I'm treating now as the "good old days" because I know it gets worse.

DW and I drove past the cemetery the other day and saw an old man sitting on a folding chair, looking down at a grave.  DW said "That poor guy" and I agreed.  He looked a lot like me.

JDancer

My situation is much like yours, I wish I had your attitude. Instead of focusing on the upside, I wallow in the loses. 

Yes, he still does the dishes, but I do all other chores. Yes, he's still able to speak, but we can't have a normal conversation. Yes, he's mostly pleasant, until he becomes frustrated by something. No, he doesn't wander, but he doesn't do much of anything. Yes, he's continent, but must be encouraged to shower and doesn't shave or trim his nails. Yes, he feeds himself, but I must purchase and prepare all food.

I know it's going to get worse, but I can barely tolerate the status quo. It's hard for me to feel "lucky." I don't know how you do it. You inspire me to try harder and be happier.

Just Bill

My wife has been doing laundry and using the dishwasher. I figured what could go wrong ?  She did a few loads of clothes with drano instead of detergent. I have either taken over or have to watch over every thing she does. She lost the ability to use a coffee maker. She has been making coffee forever. She cannot figure out where the water goes. She can put a filter in and measure out the coffee but gets stuck at the water. She helps me at work putting parts in bags then heat sealing the bags. One part per bag, heat seal said bag. I'll have to explain that 100 times over a 4 hour period. I explain it like it's the first time she asks all 100 times and zero criticism and she is happy to be helping. She comes home after her hard day at work feeling normal for a while.

HollyBerry

You're both lucky to have each other! We are in a similar place. I've noticed progression this year and I can finally see the difference between depression and this disease.  But overall, we do most of the things we always did, just differently. I will agree I miss having reliable help with things like laundry and dishes and dog walking. I've gotten texts during work meetings showing the dishwasher overflowing soap bubbles all over the kitchen. My favorite pans have been burned and ruined. And we still ride our horses and watch sunsets and have our favorite PBS shows. Live in the moment and remember the good times.

Rosi's Mom

Karl, My husband also does some small chores. He is continent. He doesn't wander. His speech is getting difficultt to understand. He checks the mailbox all day long, in case he didn't get everything out and and checks all doors to be sure they are locked. He says he's just getting old. He couldn'tlive aline either.  I just keep waiting for the "real problems" to happen. I know things will get worse, but so far it's been in small increments. We just have to appreciate what it is for now.

Whyzit

Hi Karl, Thanks for your post. I like your title “lucky me”. DH (stage 5)and I have been on this journey for twelve years. We have been through turbulent times including anger, fear and accusations. Right now we are in a peaceful place but I can’t seem to relax and enjoy it because I know the other shoe will eventually fall. DH repetitively tells me how much he loves me (bunches and bunches) and that I am beautiful. Unfortunately I don’t trust his words because of the turbulent times we’ve had. I feel this is manipulation on his part (entrapment) to guarantee that I will continue doing all the things we caregivers do. And yes, I tell him I love him too but it is not the same anymore.

I know that I have detached myself from being as emotionally available as I once was. It is self preservation on my part and maybe acceptance. 12 years of grieving has done that to me. A caregiver friend of mine whose husband recently passed  said it was a blessing for both of them; he is no longer suffering and she is no longer grieving. 

When I wrote these words I was feeling sad, hopeless and alone. But this morning is a new opportunity to celebrate this day for what it can be. I just googled Through It All and listened to Andrea Crouch sing what he had written. It lifted my spirit and hopefully will do that for you my fellow caregivers.

MaryG123

You are not alone Whyzit.  Hugs to you. O

storycrafter

Karl, you have a lot of company here. We include the full spectrum, from the beginning "am-I-imagining-things" stage to the been-through-it-all stage. I sometimes wish there were specific forums for various stages/different dementias because my situation feels "different" from so many others. But we all belong and there is always someone who can relate to where you are in the journey. Thank you for posting. You can see we all relate.

You are dealing with much more than I am and we've been at this for about fourteen years. It took us about seven years to get past some very rocky, difficult times with lots of testing, experimenting with drugs, significant behavioral and personality changes, financial and legal stuff to figure out, etc., etc. But once dh was diagnosed and on maintenance meds it settled into a long plateau of relative stability. He's fairly independent and I can leave him alone at home. So. I often feel out of place, and yet at home here, because of the very strange and unpredictable world we live in (many personality and behavioral changes and unpredictable mood swings).

Best wishes to you...

Joydean

Karl, thank you for your post. You honestly have nothing to feel guilty about. The “early days “ can be hard or not so scary. Please just enjoy the good times as much and as long as you both can. Best wishes for you both!

aconite

I also wonder what life will be like down the road when I read others' posts.  I'm fortunate that my DH still handles the activities of daily living on his own.  He has no short term memory to speak of but his personality is still the same. He has other medical issues that are more of a problem right now.  And yet, I wonder if I'm up to the challenge ahead.  I already find myself frustrated at times with his lack of memory and with the added responsibility of managing the house and garden by myself due to his other medical issues - and that makes me feel guilty and sad.  Strange mix of feelings - happy that he's still himself but sad that we're on this road.

Davegrant

Karl,

     Your post pretty much describes my situation as well.  We are in about the sixth year of memory loss and dementia like characteristics. I pretty much do everything and she roams the house and yard doing inventory and adjusting things like the computers, dishes and pictures.   She does offer to help a lot like cutting the grass or doing dishes but she needs supervision for most things. She is able to offer her opinion on everything and does. She no longer drives the car but that doesn't prevent her from telling me how to drive. I try to let her do what she wants and she does even though it would be easier to do it myself. She often asks me how to do a thing then goes ahead and does it her way. She is healthy and her vital signs are great. They recently cut her blood pressure meds in half. 

     Her short term memory is lost for most things, she is suspicious of me and watches me like a hawk, she hides her money, our medicine, her purse, and unplugs everything in the house including the computer cords. She eats a lot of sweets and repetitively ask who is coming today. I arrange a parade of family members throughout the week to visit.  I pay a couple of them which allows me a few hour of respite. Each day is a challenge meeting her needs for attention, supervision and constant questions. I do the cooking and purchasing and she complains about the food but likes my cooking. I too go through each day waiting for the next stage or phase. We are both healthy for our age. 

     I try to maintain the life we had with the difference being that I am leading the way and she is going along. It actually requires a lot of planning and coordination on my part. 

Dave