Not sure what to hope for

Elshack

DH has been in the hospital for a week due to an ankle broken in 2 places. I went to the ER via anbulance this week due to dehydration and anxiety. My nephew and his wife drove 4 hrs to visit. I can tell DH has regressed as when we visited he said he would meet us in the lobby. He knew who I was but had NO IDEA why he is in the hospital.

I have been taking care of him for 4 yrs and it has been difficult due to his explosive diarrhea  He had brain surgery 4 yrs ago after a fall and brain  bleeds and of course the Alzheimer's worsened. He is 92 and I am 82. Now this is crazy but I know he will regress as time goes on. They will send him to skilled  nursing for rehab and after that not sure but in the complex we live in they do have memory care. We live in independent living apartment now. I had a crazy thought that I would keep him engaged and just before this he was playing solitaire on the computer and we played cards. I know I can no longer take care of him and feel like I am hastening his death. I dread the day when he asks me when he can come back and live with me but I guess I will just say I am working on it and maybe it will be ...in a few days? 

I am praying he will pass away peacefully in his sleep but he has a strong heart. I don't even know what to pray for or hope for! 

MaryG123

I’m so sorry Elshack.  What a difficult situation you’re in!  Hugs to you.  O

Faith,Hope,Love

My heart goes out to you Elshack.  The first thing you need to do is to take care of yourself.  You need to get your health back in order.  I know that's a difficult thing to do when you are contemplating everything that's ahead of you.  But you can't help DH or your situation unless you stay hydrated and try to overcome some of the anxiety.  I too deal with anxiety issues and can't seem to completely overcome them but most of the time I can keep them somewhat in the background.  You've done a wonderful job taking care of DH for several years.  My husband's doctor keeps telling me that we all eventually reach the point where we can no longer be a care giver.  It becomes too much for us and they eventually require the professional care we can't provide.  You're not hastening his death by putting him in memory care.  You're loving him and doing what's best for him.  Please stay in touch with all of us on the message boards so that we know how you're doing.  I'll be praying for you and your DH.

Annen1014

I am also 10 years younger than my husband. His ALZ is still very mild, but of course, I can follow the slow decline. It has always been his worst fear. I am glad to see that others have the same thoughts as I do.

Jo C.

Hello Annen, and a very warm welcome to you.  This is a wonderful place to come for support and information.   I see by your Profile that your husband though changed, has been doing well; he sounds like a very interesting person and one who can still bring smiles to others.  We look forward to getting to know you better.

Ellshack, I am sorry for what is happening.  It may be that the sudden change in your husband is possibly due to hospital induced delirium.   That is very common and can range from mild to severe and all points in between.   Here is a link regarding that dynamic:

https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/hospital-delirium-what-to-do/

While it is true that you may no longer be able to care for him at the high acuity of care level he needs, you will not be abandoning him.  You are still his loving and caring wife, and can still be his advocate.  You can visit and be with him as much as you are able or wish.   Sometimes our Loved One (LO) does not ask about returning to the usual place of residence; other times they may do so.  If so; the best thing to do would be to use the words that would be kindest for him such as what you mention.  When necessary, fiblets such as, "The doctor said you need more care and are not ready yet, " or; "I am working on it," is indeed a kindness to our LOs. 

I send warm thoughts you way; let us know how you are doing and how things are going, we will be thinking of you.

J.

Joydean

Elshack I’m so sorry for what you and your dh are going through. Sending prayers and best wishes for you and your dh. Take care of yourself !

Jo C.

Annen, I would like to make a suggestion.  You are a bit lost on someone else's Thread; if you go out to the main page, you will see a green prompt at the top that says, "Add Topic."  Go ahead and click on that and insert the title of your Thread; whatever words you wish to use.

Then drop down in the large white space and begin typing your input. You will get more response that way as you will be seen.

Just a suggestion; I will be looking for you.

J.

Annen1014

A good suggestion