50 years(2)

Crushed

It's been 50 years since I first kissed DW.  Our first real date was CABARET.  I watched it on the way home from Germany.  I fed her ice cream this morning.  She liked it but had no  other interaction with me.  I no longer cry after seeing her.  I know the woman I loved for so long is gone and never coming back.  But the memories are so real.  I have a good therapist, a loving family and no real money problems.  I gave a good lecture in London and I am invited in October to Berlin to lecture. My work is relevant and appreciated.  

But our best friend (who lives in Germany)  has  Parkinson's disease and may have Parkinson's dementia.  DW met him in 1981 at a meeting.  She said "you've got to meet this guy, he talks just like you do,  but in German. He is the last friend we shared , others have all died.  He is my age.

I feel like the last survivor of a disaster.                

mrahope

So sorry, Crushed.  I don't have the words...but glad you have the memories.

Hoot619

I know how you feel, typing this with tears running down my face. Hoot

jfkoc

and the tears never really stop.....

It came to me yesterday that along with missing my husband I miss being loved.

Judith

June45

jfkoc wrote:

...along with missing my husband I miss being loved.

Judith, having just lost my husband less than 2 months ago, your statement, "I miss being loved", really hit home.

Paris20

Crushed, I understand what you’re saying and I’m sorry we’re all going through our personal tragedies. Just this morning, I went to visit my husband. He was refusing to get out of bed. The aides were cajoling him as his anger increased. Then he asked me why he needed their help. I reminded him of his paralysis. He allowed them to clean him and dress him while I turned my head, so no one could see me crying.

Joshbi

Just a quick “shoutout” to Ms. Judith whose responses to queries, as well as her warm condolences to fellow travelers, are always heartfelt and spot on. She obviously continues to learn and studies the latest findings in ALZ research. Although her husband passed away years ago, I think the fact that she remains so active on this site and follows so many members  is a testament to the close bond we caregivers share.  I have truly appreciated her insights. As she says, the tears never really go away, and she misses being loved. I have learned so much from her and Crush. I have not contributed much to this site, but reading the entries makes me feel connected. My DW entered MC four years ago, and this chat room has been invaluable. I guess that’s a wrap on a Wednesday. Warm regards, Judith, Crush, et al. You are loved and make a difference to folks like me.—Josh