Memory Care Placement(1)

Elshack

My DH has been in the hospital for almost 2 weeks after fracturing his ankle in 2 places. He is almost finished with in hospital rehab and will go to Memory Care in the bldg next to our independent living apartment.

I knew this would happen one day and I am a mixture of relief and anxiety as I have taken care of him for 4 yrs since his brain surgery. The cost is 99 % of our combined monthly income so I will go into CDs, money market etc. DH is 92 and I soon will be 83. Elder care attorney was not a feasible option. We do have all legal affairs in order. So I will be a 5 min walk away from his private room. I feel as if I am in a stupor buying single bed sheets and blankets and planning to move his recliner and lamp and tv to his new room. I have no idea what his reaction will be. Right now he has no idea why he is in the hospital even though his right foot is in a boot. At least he says he is not in pain. 

So I will turn over to the memory care staff all the jobs I have done for 4 yrs. I had reached my breaking point prior to this with his explosive diarrhea due to Crohns and his getting up 3 x in the wee hrs trying to make his coffee. I am the poster who was in the ER last week due to dehydration and anxiety. He is at level 6.5 Alzheimer's. Of course I will visit him everyday and hope I can keep it together and not burst into tears. 

Joe C.

Elshack, I hope that the transition to the MC goes as smoothly as possible for you and your husband. Please take care of your own health and know you are doing the best for both of you.

Joydean

Elshack I too hope the transition for your dh goes smoothly. Prayers for you and your dear husband.

toolbeltexpert

Elshack I understand what you mean. I  am picking out things for my dw for wherever she goes. It seems so surreal. Praying it will all go smoothly. I am the poster boy for " Drink more water" I have been over doing, muscle spasms.

M1

Absolutely sounds like the right solution E, even though I know you are worried about the money.  Maybe talking to an attorney will be something that you can do down the road, once things settle down.  Do keep us posted when you can.  And let the MC folks help you figure out a visiting schedule in the transition period, they are typically good at that.

Ed1937

Elshack, I'm so sorry. This is one of the hardest things I ever did, and I know it's hard for you too. One thing I would like to suggest is that when you are signing the papers for MC, if there is a place to sign as responsible party, just write his name, not yours. In the event that he passes before you, you will not be on the hook for what is owed at the time of death.

Paris20

Elshack, like you, I experienced a crisis with my husband that instantly made his ability to stay home impossible. He had a permanently debilitating stroke, Also, like you, I wound up in the ER in 2021, the result of caring for my husband with Alzheimer’s by myself since 2015.

DH has been in a skilled nursing facility for about ten weeks. I’ve been adjusting to coming home to an empty house but it’s been OK. My beagle is terminally ill so I keep busy taking care of her. She is still comfortable but her time is coming. My 100 year old mother is on hospice care. We live far from each other but fortunately my brother and the 24/7 aide are in charge there. I knew when I saw her a couple of months ago it would be the last time. I am having surgery in a few weeks, nothing serious I hope.

With all that’s going on out of my control, I have come to relish peaceful moments. I’ve started reading my favorite authors again. I realized that taking care of my husband had taken me away from reading the mysteries I enjoyed. I had focused on non fiction articles online because I was only able to read in bits and pieces, fits and starts. I visit my husband almost every morning but the rest of the day is mine. I’m finally over the guilt that I had allowed to overwhelm me. I hope you can find the same peace and comfort.

Elshack

Your kind and supportive words mean more to me than you will ever know. I don't think I could have survived these past few years without this message board. Thanks so much! When I visited him in the hospital today he said he was sorry to be such a bother. It was all I could do to keep from crying. The mask I had to wear helped to disguise my anguish. He will be moved next Wednesday. I am buying single bed sheets, blanket, coverlet and pretending I am getting him ready to fix up his dorm room at college. Not really but the reality is overwhelming.