Alzheimer sister lives out of state

Lucia for Bianca

I am the youngest of 7 siblings. My 79 year-old sisters currently lives in an assisted living facility in Los Angeles. She has been there more than one year. I live in Florida and have a hard time staying in touch with her. She has lost her cell phone twice. She has one daughter that lives nearby and two other sisters who are able to visit her. 

Lately, her condition has worsened in that she: #1 doesn't want to "stay in the hotel" and insist her daughter pick her up and take her home. #2 has started calling family at all hours of the day or night with request like "why hasn't your dad picked me up for the birthday party"? 

We can see her condition is declining and it's happening fast, at this stage. Living far away, I am at a loss as to what I can do. She's 13 years older than I and took care for me when I was little and was always a source of love and care. 

I was looking for an online support group that I can join. I live in Southwest Miami. 

Any suggestions would be appreciated. 

Ed1937

Lucia, I'm sorry. Could you get in touch with the others who can visit her? Ask them to call you when they visit so you can talk to her. Just the sound of your voice could be uplifting for her. I know you can't just go there all the time, and that might be the next best thing. Best of luck to you.

M1

Hi Lucia.  This is probably the best online support you'll find anywhere.  I'm sure there are others, but this forum has been more support than anything else I've found, local or online.  Good luck.  There's probably not a lot you can do for her directly, but maybe you can ask your other sisters if there's help you can provide to them.

This forum will certainly help you understand the challenges and behaviors and help you not feel alone.   I'm sure someone here can perhaps direct you to groups in the Miami area.

I know it sounds harsh, but you all may need to reconsider whether she needs a personal phone at this point.  This becomes an issue for lots of folks.  You may need to either block her calls, or have the phone "break."  Your sibs who are local could talk to the assisted living administrators about that.

There's lots of good information to be had here.  Good luck.

May flowers

Welcome! Sorry for the reason you’re here, though. Is it possible to reach her through the facility? 

Also, have you and your family considered moving her to memory care? The good ones have a lot of activities to keep them busy and encourage them to come out of their room and be with the group (even if they don’t participate). We did this with my FIL when he was still able to handle all his own grooming (with reminders), toileting, feeding himself, and was 100% mobile (no walker). I worried he would be to well functioning for MC, but it worked out well - he made friends and seemed happy.

Rescue mom

If you call your local Alzheimer’s Association (it’s probably called something like Dade County Alzheimer’s Association, or Miami Alzheimer’s Association) they often have numerous support groups, both real-life and online.

It’s hard when the PWD so far away. Many caregivers decide they just can’t answer every frequent or late call; the facility will call if it’s really important. As said, AL often is not enough when they reach this point, and memory care may be better for her

 If she does start asking you to “go home” you can try to soothe her with compassionate fibs, such as “we can go later when the road is repaired,” or when the house is fixed, or when the weathers better. Etc. Just something to delay, then distract.

 Then you may need to think hard about how much she “really” needs a phone. It often causes more problems than actually being useful. Especially since she’s losing them.

Gig Harbor

Your sister is very lucky to have close family. They definitely need to look at placing her in memory care. This will be a time of frustration, anxiety, sadness and doubt for all concerned but it needs to be done to keep her safe. She will lose the ability to lose her phone but in the meantime her family could block her calls at night so they can sleep. If she hasn’t gotten a diagnosis of dementia they need to get her in to see her PCP and a neurologist. If they don’t have financial and medical POA and if she doesn’t have a will an elder care attorney should be contacted. So sorry that she is having to go thru this.