Self care easier said than done!

Johns Girl

 Hoot my DH was diagnosed about 1 year ago. I am also in recovery 31 years, but it is hard to make meetings. As a result I ended up in the hospital about 3 weeks ago for depression for 5 days. When I got home I discovered that I wasn’t taking any of my antidepressants, I knew in January I quit taking a second one my doctor prescribed after my DH was diagnosed to enhance the other one I had been taking for years. I quit taking it because I was feeling better, and I was worried about the expenses of us both taking so many meds. When I got home is when I found out that the one I thought I was still taking somehow, fell through the cracks. No wonder I was depressed. It all made sense, so I was starting back to my meetings at noon, that only lasted for 1 week. My DH was not wanting to be left home alone, so I was taking him with me everywhere it is starting to where me down. I just need some time to myself. It’s much more difficult to get help, I expected his daughter who lives close to be there to support me in caring for her dad. She was there while I was in the hospital he stayed with her for the 5 days. Now she has gone out of state to help her sister who just had surgery and, won’t be back for a month. I am feeling so overwhelmed. At this time he can be left home for short periods of time, as long as he doesn’t have to do anything except watch a little television mostly Smithsonian and, History Channel. This was a woman’s meeting and I came back with a phone list of about 50 ladies to help stay more connected if I can’t make a meeting. I’m sorry this is so long. I guess I just needed to vent. Reading some of these posts makes me realize how much denial I’m in about this horrible disease.

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M1

Welcome to the forum John's Girl, sorry for everything you have been through and are going through.  You have come to a good online place, hopefully this forum can be part of your support network.  I joined about two years ago (this week in fact) and would not have made it through these last two years without it.  

Glad you are getting back on track.  Absolutely has to be, for all kinds of reasons.

Hoot619

Remember our recovery comes first and then everything else. Make sure you use the phone and stay connected if you can't make meetings. 

 This forum and my meetings make it a lot easier for me. When I'm deep in the poor me's and I read what others are going thru I realize it could be worse. 

  I'm glad I'm not in my DW's shoes.  I'm glad I can be the Caregiver even though it can be so unrewarding but I'm trying to do what is right. 

  Before my recovery She was the one that was the caregiver and kept everything together. Now it is payback time.  It is so easy to forget what she had done for our family during those times  Hoot

Ed1937

I'm sorry it's so hard for you. I just hope you have someone's number you can call whenever you might need to. One day at a time.

Joe C.

Johns Girl & Hoot, I am also in recovery and in the earlier stages of DW’s progression I struggled with getting to meetings and found myself on really thin ice. I am fortunate I was able to maintain my sobriety during that period. If either on you want/need to talk anytime private message me through The Connections tab and we can exchange phone numbers. One day at a time!!!!!

Hoot619

Joe C & Johns Girl        I'm able to make 4-5 a week depends on DW.    I mention to DW  where I am going and sometimes she knows what I am talking about.  Need a sitter at times when she is upset and Son's wife comes over.   Our Son can't stand it when she is yelling etc he is out the door real quick.  DW had about 35 yrs in Al-Anon, still carries her literature around but doubt if she can read any of it but it seemed to comfort her at times.

Now that  DW is on the downhill journey, doesn't understand anything, do anything she can feed herself soft food if cut up .  She finally got her shirt on inside out but at least it is on.  Eating a yogurt cup now wouldn't eat breakfast.  I'll go get a big container of it and use the cup to give it to her.

If it wasn't for this forum and my meetings I don't know what I would do.  It kind of keeps me going in the right direction. I can vent in both areas.  Lot of tears and laughter in both places.

By the way lent out my chainsaw ,fellow that borrowed it said it wouldn't cut.  Found out I had the darn* chain on backwards when I got it home.  he had sharpened it too and still wouldn't cut. He hadn't used a saw in about 20 yrs. It's not the 1st time I've done that.

toolbeltexpert

Hoot you mentioned your chainsaw, I got mine out and trimmed the tree limbs encroaching on our driveway the other day which is a 1/4 long and only 30 feet wide. We'll I didn't wear long sleeves so I have a fine case of poison ivy on both arms and maybe a few chiggers bites on the unmentionable's.  So that makes for a toss an turn night. Yep I did that once doesn't  cut at all. And I work on them, I currently have a sthil 14 inch top handle, husqvarna, 20 inch and an echo 18. We have burned wood since we bought this house 29 years ago. Had poison  ivy every year as well.

Joe C.

Hoot & Johns Girl, DW & I met when we were both in the early days of recovery. Last Wednesday I celebrated 39 years and God willing on 10/15 DW will have 39 years as well. I never could have cared for her if I was not sober.

JoseyWales

Self care is easier said than done, and I know how important it is. I neglected my eating habits and exercise - I'm now trying to lose a ton of weight I gained and get my bloodwork numbers back into the normal zone, if that's even possible now. Good for those of you who keep going to meetings and have that support. I often felt I was being selfish when I tried to take care of me, but it really isn't. You need to be there for your LO.

Can I join the chainsaw party? We've heated with wood for about 15 years. DH always used the chainsaw, I hauled and split. This year I bought a battery operated chainsaw for me, because DH's gas powered ones are just too darn annoying for me to start. I LOVE my chainsaw. But poison ivy.... I'm currently treating poison ivy case #3 this summer, and right now it's on both my legs, both my arms, and some on my stomach. 

Joydean

I want to join in the chainsaw clubhouse. Josey I bought myself a battery powered chainsaw also and I love it! I enjoy having my own power tools, most of dh’s tools well have no idea what he did to them. I have been able to fix a few but had to give up on others. And he doesn’t even try to use any tools now. I fixed his weed eater but it’s too heavy for me so I also got a battery powered weed eater.

M1

Can I join? That's my one major deficit on the farm, I have no experience with chainsaws (or guns, for that matter). Probably need to watch some YouTube videos on chainsaw safety.  Poison ivy and chiggers, don't get me started. Add ticks and blackberry thorns....

rannswann

Self Care is the hardest hurdle for so many of us!

I am blessed with a wonderful adult son and his partner who live with us and take so much of the everyday burden off me, but at the end of the day, my DW is so reliant on me, it's difficult to have any time to myself. Of course, three years of pandemic isolation to varying degrees hasn't helped either.

I contacted nearby agencies about counseling (for me) and more regularly scheduled respite care, but they are all so shorthanded, I was told a month for a counselor and 7-8 months for a respite care worker! BUT, a breakthrough today - a former co-worker who has moved into private home health care is going to stay with my DW a few hours a week. It's not much, but it feels like such a relief already. Now I just have to arrange for counseling....

As we all know, the challenges keep on coming!! But, there is hope!!