I am very blessed

Annen1014

My heart hurts for so many of you who have to deal with so many more problems than I have. 

My 85 year old husband wasn't diagnosed formally until last year, and we were told by the neurophysiologist that there were several factors predictive if a slow progression for the disease.  I can see changes  but he is still fairly independent, can dress and feed himself, help me with some household chores. His sense of humor is intact, although I suspect that sometimes he uses a joke conceal confusion  

He reads, although I don't know whether he retains any information, because I know he can watch the same episode of Chopped five times and always be surprised by the winner  

He has a good social network, and still participates in a weekly breakfast discussion group, talking about philosophy and theology. When he quit driving, other members of the group stepped up to share the transportation for him. 

My problems are so small compared with many others  I appreciate being able to learn from you 

Hoot619

It is good to hear that everything is good so far. Makes me smile, it's not that way for a lot of us. But we do as good as we can. Few rewards, ever so often a smile and today it is not that way.  But we trudge along doing the best we can. I'm glad I'm not in my DW's shoes. Hoot

Annen1014

I have read many really distressing posts this morning and I know that others have so much worse problems than I have. I wish you some degree of joy today. Having married a man ten years older, I had always expected to be a widow at some point, but I had not counted on being a caregiver. I was responsible for my mother and one aunt as they progressed through dementia, but I didn't care for them in my own home. You have my best wishes.

Ed1937

Annen, My wife was very easy to care for for quite some time, until she wasn't. But I've always said that it really doesn't make any difference if others have it harder or not. Any loss is hard to handle, and there are no small losses.

Some people will say that the early times with dementia are the worst for the caregiver because there are so many things that have to be taken care of. Doctor appointments, lawyer appointments, handling medications and financial aspects are just a small part of it, and in the early stages it is really hard to get a grip on things. And then there's the other side of the coin. Nothing is easy for the caregiver,even though it may be for the PWD if they are dealing with anosognosia.

Annen1014

Thanks for that. We are still trying to figure things out and it's a slow process.

toolbeltexpert

Ed I said to a admission lady the other day that DW will probably out live me, she smiled and had seen it happen several times. she believes that caregivers, stress to much and most of the pwd are happy. I gotten light up on my stress.

Dio

Not to alarm any of us, but I saw a presentation by a Stanford neurologist who said 60% of caregivers die before their patient. Statistics are stacked against us; so yes, we have to figure out how to de-stress and stay strong.

Ed1937

I don't know what percentage of caregivers die before the PWD, but if you see someone say it is 60% or 70% (I've seen dramatic differences in percentages while reading), it actually probably sounds much worse than it is. Somewhere close to half of us would die before them if we had no additional stress. So maybe an additional 10% or so could maybe be blamed on caregiver stress. That doesn't mean I think stress management is a waste of time or anything, because it is important for multiple reasons.

amicrazytoo

Ed,

I must say the stress was more than I could handle. However since my DH's passing, I have endured other stresses, including breast cancer, but nothing compares to the stress of caring for a loved one with dementia. I'm glad it's over, but I miss him more than I can possibly express. 

I'm somewhat glad that you are still on the forum, meaning you are still dealing with your wife's decline. May God bless you for your upbeat contributions to this forum.  You are truly a Saint!

(((HUGS)))

Jill

Just Bill

I feel blessed too, it could be worse. I wouldn't volunteer for this but since it has been thrust upon me and I don't have any escape routes my only choice is to suck it up buttercup and handle it. Whatever it is. I do everything I can to keep my stress at bay and my my mind clear focused and calm. That is always a work in process. Growth hurts in any direction whether it is physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual etc. While you are growing you are hurting it seems to come with the territory. Making friends with pain is essential. Since I have to tolerate the pain any way I have grown in ways spiritually and emotionally that maybe I wouldn't have if I wasn't faced with this challenge. I try to turn the pain into positive energy and find how I can grow as a human being from bearing this weight. So as horrible as this is in the scheme of things I feel blessed.

mrahope

I really relate to your statement about marrying someone older than yourself and expecting to be a widow rather than a caregiver.  My DH is 13 years older than I.  I sometimes wonder if I should have advocated so strongly for his health:  he has survived triple bypass and two separate serious cancer diagnoses.  All this only to end up with MCI now...and definite cognitive declines.  What a cruel irony it seems.  Now I wonder if I will survive him, but I am determined to try.