Caring for DH is different from caring for other LOs

Annen1014

I have some experience in caring for PWD,  as  I had POA and responsibility for both my mother and my aunt at the end of their lives. And I know some of the things to expect. We had a magic stove at my mom's house that was always broken when I or another caregiver wasn't there  (We flipped the breaker when we left them alone) I am glad that we have an induction stove top that can't be turned on

n without a pot or pan on it. And my DH was much older when he began exhibiting symptoms and received his diagnosis. He has accepted not driving more graciously than I had anticipated, but feels guilty about the burden of driving all falling on my shoulders.

I try really hard to focus on the abilities rather than the losses. 

To quote Tennyson, 'though much is taken, much abides "

But sometimes I just want to cry for a while. I know you understand.

Jella417

Hello, Annen. I can’t imagine having to be a caregiver more than this one time for my DH. The diagnosis of AD is still fairly new although I have known something was wrong for a couple of years now. I am watching him like a hawk, trying to decide when he should no longer drive. He is fine driving now. How did you know when it was time to make your husband stop? I am scared about the anger and resistance I will get.

michiganpat

Annen, I sure do understand! My sister, brother, and mother-in-law all had dementia of one sort or another. I was responsible for my sister for 16 years before she had to go to a nursing home. She's been there for 3 years now. She had a TBI as a teenager and it finally got her. My mother-in -law had Alzheimers and I helped with her care until she went to a nursing home. My brother is married so the main responsibility falls on his wife. My DH has dementia now and I am having a hard time dealing. His is of the FTD variety. It has been 4 years now but for the first 3 I was in denial. It has been slow progression until this summer. I have seen big changes. Jella, I also knew something was wrong but tried every which way to blame it on something besides dementia. There came a point when there was nothing else to blame it on. I know the feeling of watching him like a hawk. It is exhausting! This board has been a lifeline. I have learned so much. Even though I don't post very often, I read others comments most days and it helps to know I am not alone. Prayers for all of us.

Faith,Hope,Love

Michigan my DH has FTD too.  Looking back, I think this has been going on for many years.  I married him in 2009 and if I look realistically, I think he was exhibiting signs back then.  What I didn't realize was that from around 2017 on I was gradually taking over more and more responsibilities for the household and everything else.  It wasn't until 2020 when I fractured my hip that it really came to the surface.  He was forced to do things around the house since I couldn't.  That's when I realized he basically couldn't do much of anything.  It was a scary time for me until I could get back on my feet.  But it did force me to realize what was happening and to get him to a doctor.  Since then, I've noticed the disease progressing fairly rapidly.  This may sound crazy, but I'm glad I didn't realize he had a problem until 2020.  We had a lot of good years without me worrying about him and the future, as I am now.

Ed1937

"I try really hard to focus on the abilities rather than the losses." I think that is key, along with acceptance, to making things easier. But it's not easy. Nothing about this disease is easy. 

Davegrant

Driving was one of the first dementia challenges I encountered. My DW PP told us she was a mandatory reporter and the PP told me on the side to blame her for the license suspension. I followed her advise and I was very glad I did because for a year anytime driving came up , I would just refer it to the doctor. This kept me out of the line of fire as my wife would express a lot of anger about the situation. I also learned that I would become a full time chauffer and I didn't see that coming. So, this was my introduction to the disease and I learned to deal with a fiblet and I learned about taking over responsibilities. Both were the beginning of a long list of duties that were to become mine. After five years , I have accepted that everything is now mine. This also includes my own mental health and I get about three to five hours a week of respite and each time I leave the house or divert my attention from her she gets upset. I work through it most of the time. I resent paying out the money but I do it for me and I am grateful that I can.

Dave