Lost and overwhelmed spouse

Jella417

I am new to this site, starting here as I reach out for help. My DH was recently diagnosed with the early stage of Alzheimer’s and while it seems he is still in denial it is very obvious to the rest of us. Situation is unique and extra complicated because we have minor children. I am still working full time and have to. So many questions. The worst part is he is already angry, about everything and nothing. I’ve lost my best friend. He is not the same. He’s there but does not contribute. I feel very alone. It’s just going to get worse. I don’t know how I am going to do this.

M1

Hi Jella.  Starting with this site is a good place to help you get through this.  I am so sorry, as you face losing your spouse and having to parent alone, too.

There is much to be learned on these boards.  As in:  what you are seeing as "denial" on his part is not in fact denial, it's an aspect of the disease called anosognosia.  He's not in denial, he really can't appreciate that there is anything wrong.  So it can't be overcome, will not respond to rational discussion, and likely should not be argued about.  The anger is also a phase.  If you quit trying to reason with him, you may see less anger too.  And as he progresses, there may be less anger--but only time will tell.  You may learn some strategies here that may help minimize the angry responses.

First things first--I hope you have your legal ducks in a row.  Always advised to be sure of this early on.  Best person to help may be a certified elder law attorney (CELA--look by location at nelf.org)--to be sure you have power of attorney for him (financial and healthcare) and to help you make long-term financial plans.  Taking control of family finances is paramount--many stories here of the damage that can be inflicted if this is put off--and then other steps will follow.

Others will chime in too.  We're all here to help each other.  Good luck.

Ed1937

Hi Jella. Welcome to the forum. Sorry you need it. Is your spouse under 65 years of age? If so, he is entitled to social security disability compensation. 

M1 gave you extremely good feedback, and you need to follow it. Please don't put off seeing a CELA. If you do, it could be very costly. Call for an appointment early Monday morning if possible.

You will get a lot of help and understanding here. Ask any questions you might have, and someone will have answers for you.

Jella417

Thank you for responding. I appreciate the advice. I have already spoken to an estate attorney and we have a good plan. As for him, it would be so much easier if he could understand what he has and its affect on others. He is pushing our kids away and while I will encourage them to go live their lives it hurts because they are leaving me, too.

Jella417

Thank you, Ed. He is 70 and I am quite a bit younger. We have been together 20 years and it has been amazing until this changed everything.

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Pat1618

Jella,

I am also new to this site. I hope you can both find some answers to your questions here.

DH was diagnosed about two years ago with MCI but now the neurologist refers to Alzheimer's in our follow up notes although not directly to my DH. My concern now is his apathy toward me and friends and family. He no longer seems to enjoy things we used to like to do. He naps a lot and sometimes pretends to be reading. Doesn't communicate with me. I feel encouraged to find this forum as my friends don't or can't understand. I feel sad most of the time and lonely.