All behavior excusable??

Ed1937

"I am working on figuring out what to tell him about where I am and trying to change from a very private person to allowing others in. " You will get to the point where you can figure out things like this fairly easily. I was going to a local support group, and I told my wife that someone got into our banking online, and used our information to buy a new car. They also withdrew money, but that was taken care of by the FBI, so we didn't have to worry about it. I told her this type of thing was so common that I had to meet with the FBI to give them all the information I could. I was gone for almost 2 hours, and when I got home I told her I had another meeting with them in a couple of weeks. They were working to arrest people around the globe, and I felt like I had to help them after what they did for us. I used the same excuse whenever we had a meeting. You will come up with your own fiblet, and that will  become your friend.

John1965

Lose his job? 

Does he have disability insurance? It’s been a lifesaver for us. 

ElCy

It will help you to remember to not argue with him. It will serve no benefit and only make things worse. Also to realize he can no longer learn.

Jella417

John, it’s a part time job and he’s 70 so I don’t think he’ll be qualified for disability insurance. He made a living running his own business which he can no longer do because it involves too much critical thinking. It took a while to pull him away from that. It wasn’t easy.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

wcsc

My DW was diagnosed with early onset of AD a couple of months ago even though my daughter's and I noticed the changed a year ago.  My wife is 68 and understands that she has AD but like Jella417 she gets mad at me for some of the minor problems where she wouldn't in the past.  She doesn't get upset until we are in private which is a good thing.  She used to be in finance when she was working and paid our taxes and monthly bills.  When I would ask her if I can pay the bills she would say that was her job.  Every now and then she would let me do it, luckily we don't have that many bills.  She can still do them but I am concerned about the time she won't be able to and how she will react when I want to take over her job.  This is a very painful disease for both of us and we are at the beginning stage.  I am hoping that I can say and do the right thing for her.  She has ALWAYS put everyone before herself.  I am glad I found this forum with so many people that have gone through what we will be going through.

Jella417

Victoria, I will check on the LTD coverage. He has not yet transitioned into the second stage and is mostly independent. The doctor said to look for problems cooking, driving, and getting lost or disoriented. I am watching him like a hawk. He is still driving well. I asked on another thread how to know when to stop him from driving. I am trying not to shut everything down all at once and prematurely. I also of course want to stop him well before he is a danger to himself or others. Stopping him from driving will be the hardest thing for him in all of this. He will be devastated and very angry at me. 

Woox, I hope you are finding the same support I have in the few days I’ve been here. It’s hard to know when to push and when to let them do it themselves. This beginning up and down stage is very difficult to maneuver. Some days he can be spot on and some he makes no sense and makes things up. I never know what to believe. 

Jewelsrr

Jelly, so sorry! I feel like this thread is a Pep talk to me tonight, following the most absurd, childish conversation/ arguments tonight. All about accepting help that we so badly need. I agree with everyone here, we have to just decide to do the things without them or they act like children. I wish I had. Video tape of how childish DH a was 30 minutes ago. I ended up laugh crying after being so frustrated. All while walking our dog and everyone could here our ridiculous conversation about his brother helping us tomorrow.

Btw I am 51 and DH 71 I am attempting to continue working at least half time. I am currently at 3/4 or so and hoping to just gradually reduce with family help as we spend down to get him on Medicaid.

Hang in there and please at least go to support groups.

Iris L.

Jewelsrr wrote:

. I agree with everyone here, we have to just decide to do the things without them or they act like children. I wish I had. Video tape of how childish DH a was 30 minutes ago. 

Please reconsider your language.  Your LO is not a child.  He is a man with a degenerative brain disorder that greatly alters his cognition and executive functioning and personality.  He is UNABLE to function the way he used to.  The more you discuss things with him, the more his mind will go around in circles.  This is avoidable.  Don't discuss confusing things with him.  And realize that most sentences of more than one step are confusing to him.  He will attempt to function as before but inevitably, he will be unable to.  This is frustrating to him also, even if he doesn't realize the reason why, due to the anosognosia.  

Iris

Joydean

Jella, hi and welcome. Excepting his changing will make your life and his so much easier. And yes you will get angry. But in all honesty it’s not your husband you are angry at, it’s knowing this disease has invaded your life. No matter how hard you try you can not make things better. This disease will win and we will lose. Frustrated because we are natural fighters and we will keep trying to do the very best we can. Sad because this is not the way we planned our life together. Because instead of having a partner we now have all responsibilities on our shoulders and no one to discuss decision with. 

Enjoy the things you both can still do together. Including your children. You have been given so much information here, take one day at a time! 

When I get really frustrated I go out back and get my screaming out!  ( We live in a country area with no neighbors) so no one hears me screaming. Best wishes for you and your family.

pennyloafer2

Hi Jella,

I'm new here as well. I have been struggling with all the same issues as you are.

Acceptance is so hard for me to grasp with all of this. My husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's about 11 years ago and just recently with dementia. And before my husband got I'll I took care of my sister for 7 years.

Thank god for this group! I really have no support here. No family. I do it all. Mowing, laundry, driving, cooking and today I learned I need to take over financially. I read the responses to your post and they were wonderful! I don't feel as alone tonite. I don't know if I will be able to accept this without feeling angry. It's robbed us of our future. Most of all it's robbed us of our laughter. All I know is the man I married is no longer the same person. How does someone accept that?

Jewelsrr

Iris, I came here for support, not lecturing. I am well aware of all you remind me of. I was speaking in terms of feelings if that is not acceptable to you, I don’t know what to say. My DH personality before AD comes through in these moments so this is not entirely just the AD. I think we all need compassion for how difficult this is. Mine is at the stage where he believes he should still be included in all decisions, he is not going to let go of that thought until All thoughts are literally gone, I am quite sure of that.

dayn2nite2

Jewelsrr wrote:

Iris, I came here for support, not lecturing. I am well aware of all you remind me of. I was speaking in terms of feelings if that is not acceptable to you, I don’t know what to say. My DH personality before AD comes through in these moments so this is not entirely just the AD. I think we all need compassion for how difficult this is. Mine is at the stage where he believes he should still be included in all decisions, he is not going to let go of that thought until All thoughts are literally gone, I am quite sure of that.

Okay, so wow.  Please read Iris's profile.  She speaks from EXPERIENCE.  She is NOT "lecturing."

Keep doing what you're doing and you'll get the same results you've been getting.

Iris L.

Jewelsrr, I thought I was giving thoughtful encouragement to you.  In my own life, I have learned that often when I have a problem, if I change how I think about it, I do better.  In fact, I have changed a lot of what I thought before after learning from members and after being encouraged by members.  I am very fortunate in this way. 

Iris