Intro... this will be long

Taralu7

It all started when the pandemic hit. Wait, back up. My Dad died on Christmas Eve of 2014 and my mom hasn't been "right" since. I begged for her to get counseling, get out of the house, DO anything, but to no avail. Okay, Pandemic. She's due for a colonoscopy but no one is doing elective procedures. But she buys her laxatives, her clear liquids and asks about her colon appt everyday. To the point of us literally having to stop her from drinking her laxative one day. That was clue #1. I'll save the hundreds of other examples but I will tell you that it spiraled from there. She did finally agree to a new antidepressant (Vybrid) but she went totally off the rails on it, paranoid, delusional, hallucinations, cursing. Took my brother and I off of her bank acct that we had both been on with her jointly since our dad died and had NEVER TOUCHED ONCE. She lives with me, my husband and my 15 yo daughter and has for the last few years. Anyway, I finally am clueing in to the fact that she's not okay. We see a neurologist who recommends a psych. We see a neuropsych. She has more than just mild cognitive impairment. She has dementia and possibly Alzheimer's but also was having a paranoid psychosis and is in meds for that. Now she's on aricept for the memory and takes Abilify for the mental. She's no longer on the Vybrid but is on Zoloft. She's still very much mourning for my dad. She has very little joy. I am skipping over A LOT because of time and energy but she's lost a lot of weight, her gait is unsteady, I can no longer trust her to self administer her am and pm meds-- I'm having to set them all up and give them dose by dose and can absolutely not have any other meds sitting out. She overfeeds her dog obsessively. She obsesses over money to the point of ridiculousness and for absolutely no reason. Up until lately she obsessed over laundry and dishes but lately has seemed to be letting those areas go some. (When I say obsess, I mean as soon as the dryer would "ding" she would make a beeline to it to fold clothes!) She obsesses over her oil change and asks about when it's time to get it nearly every day. She almost burned my microwave up with a rice sock bc she heated it up for 10 minutes and it burned and smoked up the house and made all the fire alarms come on. She is resistant to sitters because she doesn't want to be "babysat" but I work a few days per week and we're getting near the point of needing someone although most days she's very content to sit here, wash clothes and color.  I have very little support. My brother will help if he's asked but he lives an hour away and he and his wife just aren't around to witness the day in and day out struggles. Today she put dirty dishes into the dishwasher full of clean dishes and then they had to all be rewashed. Sometimes she'll put dirty dishes away. She's trying to help! This morning she woke me up because she was crying because she couldn't find her underwear. I just hugged her.  Her dresser drawers are full of junk now--receipts that are so old that there's no print on them. Y'all it's so pitiful.  She's at the stage that she KNOWS she's not okay and sometimes she'll let her guard down and actually admit it.  Most of the time though she still tries to cover it up. And she has like NO friends that come visit her. She will literally hammer around on her phone until she lucks up and makes a call go through bc she can't half operate her phone anymore.   I get so mad with the people in our lives-- my brother, his wife and the rest of our family because just a PHONECALL would mean so much to her. Right now, she can still appreciate it. She might not remember it long term, I don't know, but for now it would make her feel good. My heart is just aching. I'm feeling sorry for her and I'm feeling sorry for myself. And my poor daughter that has had to see way too much for her age where this is concerned.  Anyway, I'm tired and if you got this far, thank you and God bless.

Iris L.

Welcome taralu.  I'll respond briefly, in the morning you will get more responses.  Your mom is losing her cognition and losing functioning.  You are describing her disease.  From now on, try to think in terms of compensating for the losses.  The losses will get worse, so prepare yourself.  The members will tell you about work-arounds.  Also, read about anosognosia.  Your mom is not aware of how compromised she is.  She still wants to do things, but her brain no longer allows her to function properly.  

Iris L.

M1

Welcome Taralu. All of this is familiar--and yes, very frustrating.

It's pretty clear she's not safe to be left alone.  You mentioned oil change--I hope she's not still driving?  But the main thing is, she needs constant supervision.  What if the next microwave incident is while you're working, she could burn your house down?  It is going to either be aides or placement.  She doesn't have a say, unforunately, so you can't listen to her protests.  I'm so sorry---this is about where my partner was when she threatened to comne after me with a knife over the truck keys--and is now in memory care.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m sorry for your struggles! Welcome to this forum, although sorry you’re needing this place too. 

I wonder if an Adult Day Care may be helpful to your mom and your family.  She may get some much needed socialization and possibly a “job” that she can help with. There may be suitable activities and meals for her.  It might take a few visits for her to acclimate but hopefully it can give you and yours the breaks you all need while being safely supervised.  

Also there may be a Medicaid waiver if she qualifies.  My moms LTC insurance approved our facility here. Unfortunately mom is well passed the adult day care stage or we’d still be utilizing it. 

Good luck, thanks for sharing.  

ZackFootInMouth

It's amazing how much the phrase "it takes a village" gets used the more you see. And how miraculous independence is.

A lot of moments are "lather rinse repeat"; always repeat. Setting her stage so she can go through the motions, and you reset everything so she can do it again without realizing it's the next day (except you get a lot more tired; are you able to take time off for yourself? Naps? Food?)