Another EOAD cost

John1965

I was just recognized in public by a man whose daughter I taught in 2002-2003 (5th grade). He was so excited that he called her on his cell phone to tell her and so she could talk to me. It was touching.  

DW was diagnosed 7.5 years ago. I've been home with her full-time for 6 years. This disease has not only robbed her, but has also robbed me and several classes of students from me. I have more to offer this world than full-time caregiver. I was a good teacher for 24 years. I miss making a difference. I don’t want to seem arrogant, but I was good at my job. This disease has so many hidden costs. 

Crushed

Alzheimer's has been described as  the le coup de deux veuves  a fencing term for a blow that makes two widows

 

  

John1965

 Thanks Crushed. You were the first to respond to my first post on this site more than six years ago. You used a version of the  “I have no shoes but you have no feet” metaphor. 

I’ve experienced and learned a lot since then. 

The hardest lesson I’ve learned, and the most difficult advice to follow: Don’t let your loved one’s feelings get in the way of practical decisions and your own well-being. I’ve spent way too much time and self trying to keep DW “happy.”  I’m finally seeking help (daycare) that should have been utilized years ago. My life has value too. 

Just Bill

I feel your pain John1965. I have a manufacturing consultant business. I teach companies how to program and set up CNC machines. I also taught machining to CNC machinists. I had 2 partners and I was all set up to start a manufacturing school. I had to abort that to take care of my wife full time. I have a few customers I am able to stay busy enough, but big projects are out. I am out of my comfort zone caregiving, I am way more at home in a manufacturing facility or a class room. My wife needs me and I am glad I am healthy enough to help but I would rather be running my business full time. I just look at my wife like an engineering problem that needs to be solved. That keeps my brain working in a positive manner so I don't look back with any regret. She is my main engineering project now. One day at a time.

Joydean

John you are so right. There is a huge demand for good teachers. I have been out of school for over 50 years and I still remember some of my teachers. One of my teachers I still remember her name and when I think of her I can see her face and hear her words, she was always encouraging her students to do the very best they could do. I remember her saying your best is all that is required, but it has to honestly be your best. She was my mentor! 

Go back to a class room, kids need you and you need them. Even if you can only do sub for a while. 

Beachfan

John1965 wrote:

  My life has value too. 

John, you are so right.  This is precisely why I placed my DH in a MCF in November.  He was not a wanderer, not aggressive, not incontinent, not delusional; he was "easy" to care for as long as I cared for him 24/7.  My kids pointed out that the way I was operating, my life didn't matter.   I don't know the extent of your DW's progression; I don't know your financial status. It's none of my business.  But it sounds as though you have some unfinished business that you want to attend to in your personal and previous professional life.  If you can arrange for care for your DW, it seems as though you would be doing a great service in returning to the classroom and fulfilling an unmet dream of your own.  

Both DH and I were educators and, yes, we were both good at our jobs.  Former students and teachers (I was a supervisor) have told us so over the years and I am inclined to believe them.  For DH and me, the final bell has rung, class is dismissed, but you could make a difference and still honor and cherish your DH.  Go for it (even if only to sub..... the teacher shortage in the US is critical.)  Best of luck.  

French

John, I fully understand you. I just teach a little but I like it. I also like my job: researcher. As I am 50, it never has been an option to stop working. But I also new that I would be very bitter if I had to stop working. Nobody would have win. 

And yes, our life also has value. I admire people here who are caregiving with devotion but I also read their suffering. Yet they really deserve to be happy