Checking In(3)

AnnMB

I've been away as life has been really busy here. And it has been quite the path up to today.

On July 19 we saw our family doctor and he prescribed an antidepressant for DH to help with his suicidal thoughts due to the pain in his arm. As we were trying to keep DH calm he didn't have the opportunity to see how the pain came. We dealt with DH taking a new medication. He takes a while to adjust to it. I was on call all the time with family coming in when he no longer responded to me. We had about 2 weeks left before the medication would be working as it should.

As the full moon approached DH got worse. He was having delusions, seeing people on our property, saying his items and garden were being stolen. He did calm down when we started to harvest vegetables. But it was usually short lived. He was restless at night and it would take up to 4 hours to calm him down. I did a lot of it on my own so family wouldn't burn out. They have very busy schedules.

On August 16th we saw the geriatric specialist. She got us in faster than I had thought. We were with her for 2 hours and he did well as he could. She asked about his spells and as I described them, DH became distressed and had the pain start under his arm and shoot down to his hand. The pain was from the shingles he'd had and when he's upset, stressed, distressed, angry, etc. it flares up. All said and done, he was at mid stage on that day. She prescribed him a sleeping pill to help with the restlessness at night. A new pill 4 weeks after receiving a new pill.

On Thursday night, we went to bed early as both of us were tired from him not settling until midnight on Wednesday. Before I knew it he was throwing his pillow on the floor, trying to remove the bottom sheet off the bed, pushing his bedside table around and playing with the light. He told me he was busy doing things. He got up and, thinking he'd gone to the bathroom, peed on his socks and the floor. When I asked him, he yelled at me to clean it up. He got dressed and I hid his slippers so he wouldn't go outdoors. I got dressed and at 2 a.m. I fed him toast and cheese as he hadn't eaten his supper. At 2:30 a.m. I had him in the car and driving the freeway to calm him down. I was so tired I could only do 45 mph and was thankful the highway was empty. I'd ask if he was ready to go home to bed and he said he would go home but not to bed. I kept driving. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Finally he said he was ready for bed. When I turned off at our exit he said he might go to bed. I said we go to bed or I keep driving. He finally said he'd go to bed. We went to bed and at 4 a.m. we were asleep. Up at 6:30 a.m. and on the go again in his own world. Respite came in and tried to get him to nap to no avail. I did grab an hour.

After respite left on Friday, I sat trying to get the DH to relax even if he didn't want to sleep. He cat napped and I texted family about what had happened. DDIL came over and fed us. I thought he'd be fine but at 8:30 she was back again for the night. He had stripped the bed and himself while I was talking to her. It was an interesting night with him having "telephone conversations" and talking to customers. DDIL went home at 6 a.m. and she slept the afternoon away. Sunday I took DH for a drive and had him in bed and asleep in good time. He slept really well.

Yesterday morning, he woke up in a good mood but it disappeared quickly while showering. He was threatening to hit me if I touched his sore arm. He wouldn't eat his breakfast threw it out the front door. He was pacing and looking and he found one of the carving knives on the drying mat. He picked it up and threatened me. I retreated and locked myself in the bathroom. I came out to check on him and he had put the knife down. I put it away. He then decided to make eggs and I videoed it. Just a hoot watching him do it but I knew he was out of it. He didn't turn on the stove but he ruined the silicone spatula. When done he found the paring knife and threatened me with it. I retreated to the bathroom and called DDIL and said I'd be calling 911. She said wait for her to arrive and she'd do it from outside.

DDIL arrive in one big hurry, ran across the street and got our friend to help. They came up to the house and I sang out to DH that she was here. He still had the knife in his hand and went to the door threatening them and using foul language. DDIL and our friend slowly retreated as he came down the stairs and out the door. She was on the line with 911 and with in 5 minutes they were here. They took control as we watched. DH did put down the knife but held onto the brick. One of the officers swiped it out of his hand when he wasn't looking and they took him down on the front lawn. DDIL and I were crying our eyes out. Once they had DH cuffed, they got him to the cruiser and they became kind and quiet with him. They didn't have to taser or shoot him which would have been awful. They took him to the local hospital where he has been admitted to the mental ward. DH will not be coming home. I now have him fast tracked to a nursing home. He has been charged and a lawyer will represent him in court on Sept. 6. He has a criminal record but the officers are putting into their report that goes to the judge that he is mentally unwell with Alzheimer's. They are advocating that we have a variation that I can see him as I can't until then. They have been amazing.

My words to caregivers is to start the process of having a team in place as soon as you can. We started putting ours in place early April. I got a community care coordinator who got respite to help me cope. It was worth every penny I paid out. I got cleaners in every other week. That helped. I got a behaviour therapist. Our doctor would give us emergency appointments either in person or on the phone. I said I would take as many courses as I could to help take care of DH and became a part of a zoom group. Our family was on call when I needed them and our neighbors have been fabulous visiting or helping where they can. I talked to the geriatric specialist and she got DH in 10 weeks early to assess him. She was amazed at how we had such a team put together in a short period of time. The RCMP were amazed at how fast I got DH fast tracked to a nursing home and how fast, we as a family, decided he couldn't come home for our and his safety. They were amazed that I locked myself in the bathroom and would check on him briefly. The hospital staff were thankful DS and DDIL went in to calm him down at 1:30 last night and stayed for 2 hours making sure he was fast asleep.We aren't perfect but we had a plan and put it in place as fast as we could. I am advocating everyone should have a plan in place asap.

Do not be afraid to cry. It is good for you. It releases those emotions. Be angry but do it when you are not within hearing distance of your loved one. When DH was outside in the garden I let my anger out by yelling at the walls and by the time he got back in I'd be over it. I learned to nap when he did so I could survive. I was burnt out and exhausted but I was coping daily to keep us together. I grieved several times as DH declined in his mental health. That is okay too. When he turned physically violent and threatened me with a knife, I knew it was time to move to the next stage of our life. I learned that it is okay to make those decisions as you are not doing it to be nasty but to help them have some peace and calm in a better environment than your home.

I am exhausted but I slept fairly well last night considering. I will recover and am starting to look after myself. Our cat has been stressed and he did sleep with me during the night. He was better this morning as the house is calm. He's under his blanket sleeping the day away. He's back to his normal sleeping habit.

I'm off to shop for sweat pants and to have a nap before I go for dinner at family's house.

Hoot619

I'm glad you are safe now and hope you get rested up.  You have him getting the care he needs.   You had a plan and it worked  Seems like everyone that was there did their part to perfection. I'm so glad that you have neighbors who weren't afraid to help. Hoping that things are getting better for you and also DH. Hoot