Is it time for Memory Care?

cw040283

My mom is 74 and has been living in an Enhanced Independent living community for about 4 years. The medical team gives her am/pm medicine and they escort her to meals and remind her to shower but that’s about it. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2014. The doctor recently told me she’s been in need of 24/7 supervision for a while and is surprised she still lives “alone”. This is likely because I have been able to monitor her with three cameras and a gizmo watch so I know where she is at all times (well… 99% of the time). This obviously is getting more difficult. She can still dress and shower herself but doesn’t participate in many activities and is losing her words. She has two friends who live nearby who come by 4-5 days a week for 4 hours each and I’m there at least twice a week. She lives 45 minutes away from me. 

Lately she’s been getting into moods when people tell her what to do, on occasion has walked too far down the street or has crossed the main road in front of the facility. She isn’t getting lost because she always comes back home but it is obviously a safety issue… her social worker and Medicaid case worker call me each time they catch her doing this and have told me that while she’s not “on their radar and won’t get kicked out”, I should start looking into memory care.

The community she’s in has MC but it’s outside of our budget  so I’m currently looking into one close to where she is now and near her friends and another closer to me (only about 15 minutes away). They thankfully both accept the Medicaid Voucher but aren’t Top Notch. The rooms are very small (small room and private bathroom, no refrigerator or kitchen) which will be a big change from the one bedroom, living  room and kitchenette she currently has.  My dilemma is the guilt and knowing she will have setbacks. Her world is going to shrink. Hopefully she will make new friends but right now she has such a joyful, happy demeanor. The staff and residents love and look out for her and I hate to give that up. I hate the idea that the move will make things worse.

Should I move her before they “make” me? Is it better to do it in the fall before the holidays after the weather gets chillier so she won’t miss being outside so much? She currently loves to rake outside and the new place does have a small secure courtyard she can access with supervision. Do you think it’s better if she’s closer to me or closer to her friends so it’s easier for them to visit her?

Any guidance is always appreciated.

May flowers

I moved my FIL to MC when he was pretty well functioning - stage 5-6, could do all ADLs with reminders, mobile, continent, communicative. I don’t regret it a bit - he was more capable than others there but he ended up with “friends” near his level of function and he adjusted well.

More important than the size of the room and amenities is the program itself - are residents brought out of their room to participate in meals and activities, do they have a nice secure outside area to roam around, do they have scheduled activities throughout the day they can either participate in or at least look on. I remember thinking my FIL’s room was small when we first moved him in, but it became a non issue as he was almost never there except showers and bedtime.

loveskitties

You will not find any Memory Care facility which has a fridge or any kitchen appliances as they are a danger to those with compromised thinking.

Having a private room and bathroom are really a plus, as what we looked at were semi-private.

Waiting until you are told she has to leave current situation is courting danger, since there may not be availability at your preferred or any other MC when it occurs.  In some areas, especially if a Medicaid case, there can be a long waiting list.  Best to get on one now.

It sounds like you and her friends are doing a great job of giving her extra attention which is probably why she is still able to be where she is, however, her leaving the facility unattended sounds like a real safety issue.

Any facility you consider will want to do their own assessment of her capabilities to determine if she is a candidate to be a patient there.  

Beachfan

I agree completely with loveskitties.  DH is in a MCF, with small, private rooms with a 1/2 bath.  16 residents in his cottage with common areas for dining, relaxing and a secured outdoor area.  Residents spend very little time in their rooms. The MCF serves Alz/dementia patients exclusively.   Sadly, your mom will reach a point where the extent or lavishness of her surroundings will mean little to her.  A warm, cozy environment with highly trained, loyal staff and a level of activities suited to each resident’s interest and ability (or lack of, in many cases) is probably going to meet her needs in the long run.  Take some time to do thorough research, but don’t wait too long.  Good luck.

Edited to add:  I would be more inclined to have my mom closer to me than easily accessible for her friends.  As she progresses, you may find that even though well intentioned, friends and folks outside of immediate family tend not to visit so often.  

cw040283

I appreciate everyone’s input. I do agree that in the end,  the room size doesn’t matter. It’s about the care she receives. We are visiting two on Saturday. The first I’ve already toured but I’m bringing my partner along to get his opinion. The second is closer to me and she’s already in the waitlist with one or two people ahead of her. 

The first one has two hallways. One is for those who are more advanced and require more care. The second is for those who are more active and less advanced - most likely where she will be places. Both hallways are secure with an alarm but not locked. There’s 14 residents and 2 caregivers in each. They have at least two activities a day that they can attend with the independent residents and they have their own dining room and a small area to relax on comfortable patio-type furniture that’s easy to clean. 

One of her friends devotes her life to helping others and has promised to be by my moms side, but she’s also close to my moms age and I agree it seems better to have mom closer to me than her friends. Mom has also been getting annoyed by her friends lately and calls me complaining when she sees them pull up. 

In a way it’s easier to have fewer options because I’m limited by who accepts the Medicaid waiver, however, I don’t want to decide down the road that I didn’t pick the best option and move her again. She will have an assessment by a social worker  from the first community in a few weeks if we decide to stick with that one. It currently has three rooms open. 

I’ve been sacrificing my independence for a long time so we could try to maintain hers for as long as possible… I knew this day would eventually come but it’s one of those decisions I wish someone else could make for me.

Thank you again for all of your options and sharing your experiences.