Support cushions, looking for suggestions

dbouterse

 I am the husband and primary caregiver for my wife. As new challenges arise in her care I have been doing pretty well at meeting them and coming up with solutions so far. Now I am hoping to get some suggestions for a few problems. 

I have noticed that she is having more trouble sitting upright and keeping her head up. This makes it difficult to feed her. Wondering if anyone knows of a support cushion for a chair or sofa. 

Also showering and hair washing is almost impossible, she becomes agitated and struggles with me. I am able to sponge bath her, I can’t work out a way to wash her hair. I tried using a sliding chair to get her into the shower,but this doesn’t work well. 

The last thing (sorry for the long post) I can no longer get her to brush her teeth. 

Any suggestions will be most helpful. 

I love having her at home with me, and want her to have the best care I can provide.  

Ed1937

Welcome to the forum. Sorry you and she are going through this. I don't have much in the way of answers, but a couple of comments on the shower. Does the shower have a dark colored floor? If so, she might see that as a hole, and is afraid to step into it. Is the room warm enough for her (not you)? Is it possible that the water is too hot or too cold for her? Are you able to keep the water from her face, where she might feel like she is drowning? Does the room seem inviting to her? Is there a shower chair, if she wants it? Pretty towels and washcloths, along with some relaxing music might also help. Sorry I don't have any pat answers for you, but maybe something to consider.

Rick4407

Hello.  My DW is in late stage 6.  I've been her caregiver for 6 years now.   My priority for her is quality of life.  The only things I force on her are things that impact that her immediate health.  Up until about a year ago she brushed her own teeth, occasionally now she will let me brush them.   When she does not, we just move on.  She showers only under duress, that happens about every 2 weeks or so when she has a bowel "accident".  Her hair was last washed just about a year ago when she was in a memory care for 4 days while I had surgery.  While that schedule is not the usual in our culture, the human race survived many many years with less than the current hygiene standards.  Her quality of life is my focus and she remains pretty much cooperative and comparatively happy.  

I found "picking my battles" was a good rule to live by.  Others may have different ideas, good luck.  Rick

Joydean

Hi dbouterse, and welcome. As for as shampooing her hair, have you tried the no water shampoo? I have to use it for my dh. You just spray it on her hair, rub it in so it gets to the scape then brush her hair. It’s not as good as actually washing but it works in a pinch. I don’t have any suggestions for the other issues, but other’s will come along with great helpful ideas.   Best wishes for you and your wife.

harshedbuzz

Would she tolerate something like this?

Amazon.com: Mworld2 Hair Washing Basin, PVC Inflatable Shampoo Basin in Bed, Elderly Care Bedside Shower with Drain Tube, for Injured, Elderly, Disabled, Handicapped, Bedridden, Assistive Aid : Health & Household

Jo C.

Hello debouterse and a very warm welcome to you.   You are facing some challenges that do have options.

There are care options which may be helpful to you in multiple ways.  The first option would be if the doctor would order Home Health to monitor your wife.  That would bring an RN to monitor her physical state as well as a care aide to assist with bathing and personal care as long as licensed staff is providing services.  That is an option, but Home Health is not long term.

The second option and the best option if you feel it is of benefit, and I think it would be, would to be to have Hospice come into the care plan.

With Hospice, they do NOT hasten a death or decline; their job is to help the patient to have as good a quality of life as is possible.  When Hospice is on board, they will be at no cost; they will bring in all helpful necessary equipment at no cost to the family including the electric hospital bed, special chairs, wheelchairs, lifts, etc.  One is assigned an RN who makes visits, a care aide who will come two to three times a week to bathe, shampoo as needed, to groom, to provide mouth care, to clean the patients room area, and to provide other personal care needs.  One is also assigned a Social Worker and if one wishes, a clergy person.  Caregiver support is also part of the program.

The biggest plus is having all necessary equipment at no cost and to have RN assessment with 24 hour access as the case may be which is especially positive if an urgent situation arises.  Just an idea and those Caregivers who have this service have reported it being a huge positive.  

As for the seating and support for your Loved One, (LO), a Geri Chair would do best.   We used this with my LO when she could no longer support her trunk and when holding her head up was a challenge.   Hospice also pays for Geri Chairs when needed.   The type of Geri Chair would be one that has a substantial footrest and the head and foot fold down flat like a guerney and one can raise it up like a guerney.  One can then place it beside the bed and simply slide the person from bed to chair and then adjust the head and foot to what is desired.  It should also have wheels so that it can be wheeled from place to place.  My LO also had a special head rest to support her neck and head up while in the  Geri Chair.

The inflatable plastic bed shampoo basin Harshed Buzz gave a link for is also a good idea.  To my surprise, there are also bed "bathtubs" that go the length of the patient and are inflatable for bathing in the bed, but that seemed to me to be a high risk for water issues.

My LO also resisted bathing until we got Hospice and my LO was much more acceptable of bathing with the aide rather than with a family member. Having the bathroom warm, and nice with pretty towels and a hand held shower head all helped as my LO could not stand water in her face. Sometimes a person will not go naked into the shower, so if one leave on a t-shirt they may cooperate and washing can be done through a t-shirt.  We certainly do learn to do things in a variety of ways.  There comes a time when the only option is bathing in the bed and that creates new challenges and one that an aide is highly skilled with.

If you feel that you are okay with  Hospice coming in, that  can be a boon for you to the end of life.  Some of our Members Loved Ones have been on Hospice from a year to in some cases several years.  One Hospice can be slightly the same as another and if you are interested, we can discuss that in another Thread.

Best wishes are being sent your way along with warm thoughts; we will be thinking of you and you will soon find that we here truly do care.  We are all here in support of one another and that now includes you too!

J.

Iris L.

Adult baby wipes can provide sponge-bath hygiene.  DIY instructions are on the internet.

Iris L

Jeff86

Dbouterse,

Welcome, and sorry you need to be here.

I don’t have any suggestions for you on a support cushion, but can address possible workarounds for the other issues you raise.

My DW is late stage 6, and is resistant to some of the same things as your DW.  I have figured out that her aversion isn’t to the actual shower itself but to feeling cold when undressed.  My solution for that is a space heater in the bathroom, which I turn on five minutes before getting her into the shower.  

The aversion to having her hair washed is hating water going into her eyes and face.  The solution to that is a hand held shower which can be very focused, directing water away from her face.

My DW also refuses, many times, to brush her teeth.  When she will let me, I brush them for her.  Not easy and not fun, and hard to do a good job of it, but better than nothing.  Sometimes, however, the resistance is strong, and I have learned to let it go when it’s not happening.  

Don’t know if any of this will work for you but thought I’d pass it along.  

Best of luck. 

Jo C.

Some have found it easier to brush teeth if using a smaller child toothbrush or toddlers toothbrush with very, very soft bristles and children's flavored toothpaste. Whatever works.

J.

Lynne D

Hi Dbouterse,

I would echo what Jo C says. We just started hospice for my HWD and had our second encounter with a CNA for bathing assistance today. The first meeting turned into a “meet and greet” as he had just had a bowel incident and I was assisting him, and he was angry. Today he accepted her assistance without issue. I think that it preserves his dignity to NOT have me, his wife, assist with intimate care. 

Hospice has provided me peace of mind on other issues. 

Best of luck dealing with your struggles.

dbouterse

Thanks. Those some helpful suggestions.

dbouterse

Thank you Rick 4407. I have been learning to pick my battles as well. As you point out, her happiness and quality of life is my top priority. I wash her daily with a wash cloth and mild moisturizer soap. Also she will let me brush her teeth occasionally. Like you I just back off if she objects. I will keep trying to find a way to wash her hair without upsetting her.

dbouterse

Thanks Jo C.  Hospice care sounds too good to be true! I will be looking into that for sure!

dbouterse

Jo C. The baby tooth brush is another good idea! Thanks again.

dbouterse

Thank you all for your suggestions!!  I do appreciate your responses.