What should I say?(1)

sandwichone123

My dh has been in assisted living for about 10 days. He calls me every day to tell me he loves me, and update me on when he's coming home. Yesterday, he was talking about coming home, and he asked, "Am I ever coming home, or am I here for the rest of my days?"

To me, the kindest thing would be a straight answer, but I know smarter people than I have said it's not. To me, if he can ask the question he deserves an answer, but I don't want to hurt him if I don't have to. I would want a straight answer if I asked a direct question, but I can't say ...

I gave some mealy-mouthed, "we'll see what they say later," kind of answer, and he called all day long--eight more times--which is way out of his usual pattern. I missed his call this morning and he didn't try again--he's not as bored on Monday.

I plan to go see him on Wednesday, but I don't know what to say if he asks me straight out again. What do you think?

MaryG123

Oh boy, that’s a tough one.  How about something like, “I don’t know hon, we just have to take it one day at a time.”

Quilting brings calm

I would go with things like: 

We will see when the doctor thinks you will have improved  enough to take care of yourself without people around.  The doctor said it could be a few months at least.  So let’s get you involved in things here that will help you improve 

‘ I’m currently not well enough to help you at home, dear,  I will talk to the doctor about what I need to do to get better. 

when he mentions ‘ the rest of his life’, respond with ‘ we don’t know what the future holds.  This is the best option until you are better’.  

The weekends are boring for my parents  in their AL.   No activities and just enough staff to serve meals, medications and to assist as needed.  Weekdays keep them more occupied with activities. It also takes residents several months to fully settle in.  

It’s also okay not to answer every call.  The staff will call you from the facility number if they need to tell you something.  I know this one is hard to manage,  my mom gets herself worked up and then she  will just repeatedly call if I don’t answer.  Each voice mail guilt tripping  more. 

Ed1937

I told my wife "When the doctor says you're ready to come home, I'll pick you up". The "doctor" is always one she never sees.

sandwichone123

Thank you all for your responses! I appreciate them all. I only answer the phone once a day--maybe again but not every time it rings. I also put it on silent if it's repetitive.

I did call the facility on Sunday to see if anything was up, but they said he was doing fine.