refusing to do anything to feel better

Marissacr27

My mom has Lewy-body dementia diagnosis. She has been sick with a flu/upset stomach for 12 days. At first, I let her sleep and offered her daily pills, including blood pressure as normal. She skipped quite a few days. 

She's been feeling nauseous, has bloated abdomen and occasional diarrhea. On Saturday I got her a pill to take and on Sunday she took another dose and it seemed to start making a difference. But still feeling terrible, unable to eat. So I talked to the pharmacist and got her pills to make her feel better quickly.

She is refusing to take all of her meds. She wants to complain how bad she feels. This is a lifelong problem. She likes to be pitied and suffer rather than exert in any way to make her feel better.

She is at risk for a stroke and for continued dehydration.

It is very upsetting to see someone have so little care, (lifelong) for themselves. I am currently trapped here as I cannot do anything but just wait and hope and pray this all clears up. It is frustrating as I see her sabotoge of herself and me as well.

Any suggestions on how not to be so upset? on how to get her to take her meds or just let her be miserable longer? and how to balance personal power vs. a person with diminished capacity?

Ed1937

Hello M, and welcome to the forum. You could check with a pharmacist or doctor to see if you can safely crush her pills to mix with applesauce or something else. Not all meds can be crushed, so please check before you do that.

Marissacr27

Thank you. I did read through some of the other forums post and checked and her meds cannot be crushed. Unfortunately.

It is a good suggestion. 

Faith,Hope,Love

Could you speak to her doctor?  He may be able to give you something in liquid form or another type of pill that you could put in food.  Just a thought.

Iris L.

Marissacr27 wrote:

She is refusing to take all of her meds. She wants to complain how bad she feels. This is a lifelong problem. She likes to be pitied and suffer rather than exert in any way to make her feel better.

  on how to get her to take her meds or just let her be miserable longer? and how to balance personal power vs. a person with diminished capacity?

Regardless of her previous personality, PWDs eventually lose their ability to initiate activity or to be responsible in self care.  As you are realizing, it is part of the disease.  YOU or someone you hire will have to initiate care and supervise everything.  Don't wait for her to ask for help or to consent to help, for she won't, due to anosognosia, which is lack of awareness.  Figure out what you need for the situation, and use work-arounds to bring it about.

Iris L.

harshedbuzz

When my dad had me on the verge of pulling my hair out, I revisited this quick read to get myself back in a mindset to be a more understanding and --therefore-- more effective caregiver. 

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf (alzconnected.org)

Marissacr27

Thanks Iris. 

I think it is true the lack of awareness. I'm seeing moments where she seems "like her old self" and then mostly she is in varying degrees of confusion and unable to think or process.

I think it is making the mental jump to be more assertive for her to have consistent care. regardless if it is a 'good' or bad day.

MaryG123

Yes, you’ve got it Marissa.  Regardless of her past personality, she is now a person with dementia who, as you put it, is confused and unable to think or process.  I’m so sorry you have to deal with this!